Screaming in my Car and Other Nonsense

Sometimes I scream in my car. Everyone does it. Especially, in Dallas traffic on days that you just want to get home at a decent time and others are on their cell phone or in la-la land not paying attention to what they are doing. However, I am usually screaming at life’s frustrations.

I have a friend going through a rough patch in her life right now. This thought popped up one night when she was venting her frustrations and she asked me, “Do you ever just yell at yourself?” It took me a minute to realize it, but I do. I yell at myself quite often, usually in the car, and I told her this. She thought that it was uncommon to do so. I said that it wasn’t. We need to get the pent-up demons out. If screaming in your car helps, I am all for it.

Another thing that I do when I am going through enormous emotions that need to be released from my mind is write poetry. When I write poetry, it is like a scream or a catharsis of emotions tumbling out of my brain and onto paper (or the notepad on my phone). To me, the process of writing poetry has always been a visceral experience. I don’t think when I write it; I only feel. Sometimes I will go back and move lines around and add words so that the poem makes sense, but I don’t plan out a poem when I am writing it. I let raw emotion take over. When I am screaming in my car, it is the same experience. I need to let it out. It is my own form of shadow work.

This week on the podcast, we delved deep into the thought process of shadow work. What is shadow work? Shadow work is working with your unconscious mind to uncover the parts of yourself that you repress and hide from yourself. Or, your “shadow.” The shadow archetype, according to Carl Jung, exists as a “part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts, and shortcomings. The shadow forms out of our attempts to adapt to cultural norms and expectations.”

In other words, it is not culturally acceptable to go out in public and scream until you cannot scream anymore or go to a public place and just start throwing chairs (which may or may not be something I think about often). No, we compartmentalize our baser instincts into a shadow. Jung’s Collective Unconscious, or archetypes, are how I saw my own brain before I ever took a psychology class in college and learned about them. I called these pieces of my mind “compartments” where I stored experiences and information. I even wrote a poem when I was younger that perfectly described the shadow.

Why should we work on this shadow? Shadow work and understanding your inner darkness are crucial for your personal development and your mental health, but it can only happen when you are ready and willing to face that part of yourself. Trust me, I know. I ran from my shadow and my trauma for years and I’m only now scratching the surface of my inner psyche. In early 2021, I began seeing a counselor and it was the first time I had seen one in almost twenty years. I had many things to work out and I am still working them out. I needed help and admitting it was a great first step in conquering my inner demons. Do you have to go to counseling to participate in shadow work? No, I had been journaling and writing poetry for years, but sometimes we get overwhelmed and need extra help. Shadow work is not easy or fun. It will require you to look at the innermost workings of yourself that you have been compartmentalizing. I am still working on my shadow daily and it is a slow process to work out.

I would like to hear from our readers. Are you participating in shadow work? Do you have any tips and tricks? Let’s continue the conversation below.

If you would like to know more about shadow work and access some journal prompts to begin the process of healing, check out this article from Better Up.

Sometimes We Have to Choose

All day every day we make decisions. Like, what are we going to wear or what are we going to eat for dinner? Life can be overwhelming. When life is overwhelming, even the smallest decisions can be tough decisions. Sometimes I scroll on Uber Eats for a couple of hours before I decide what I want to eat for dinner, and by the time I officially decide, I’m no longer hungry when it finally arrives. On the podcast, we talked about the decisions you have to make in life like sometimes you have to choose between brushing your teeth or taking a shower, and I’ve never felt that statement so hard until this year.

The evolution of my school year starts promisingly. I’m usually at school an hour and a half early and I leave an hour and a half later, mainly because there are so many things that I need to take care of at the beginning of the year such as unpacking my room and making lesson plans. I need that extra time. As the school year progresses, I begin to wake up later and arrive at work later. When November comes, I have to begin making those tough decisions. For example, do I park in the parking lot that I have to pay for, or do I leave the house earlier and park in the parking lot that my school pays for? Is that $12.99 worth arriving at work 10 minutes earlier? I suppose it depends on how late I am running. 

Last year, I had it down to an exact science. If I left the house at a certain time on certain days, I could walk into work and clock in right on time. However, if I pushed the envelope, traffic was not so kind when it came to my careful calculation. This year, so far, I have left the house early enough that I don’t have to pay for parking and I can socialize a bit before I jump right into teaching class.

Another morning-time decision I wrestle with is the decision to wear makeup or not. A lot of time those ten extra minutes of hitting snooze are the difference between looking professional and looking like a zombie. Oftentimes, I would take my makeup to work and do it in the bathroom between classes just to feel normal for the day. A lot of times, I never got around to doing my makeup. When I lived farther away from work, I had gotten into the habit of doing my makeup in the car or on the train in the mornings. Is the extra sleep worth it? I thought so. However, I tend to feel better about myself when I wake up in time to take care of things around my house and at school instead of rushing out of the house.

Finally, as the school year progresses, one of the biggest decisions that I have to make is whether to eat breakfast before school or not. Breakfast is the best meal of the day. In fact, I could eat breakfast food at any time of the day. In my years of teaching, I’ve never been able to wake up early enough to eat a full breakfast before I make it to work. I usually eat my breakfast in small bites throughout the day until it becomes my lunch and not my breakfast. One of my goals through PowerSheets® this year is to not hit snooze as much. Let’s face it, sometimes we have to hit snooze. I hit snooze a lot. So far, I haven’t met that goal.

Ultimately, my decisions boil down to sleeping in and getting up when I should be getting up in the morning. If I weigh the options, getting up when my alarm first goes off seems like a healthier and more productive choice, and it is something I’m working on being consistent about. 

I want to hear from our readers. What are the major decisions that you have to face in the morning? Have you set goals to alleviate those decisions? As the year progresses, do you find it harder and harder to make it to work on time? Let’s continue the conversation below!

Self-care to Prevent Headaches

Hey everyone, Christen here! If you listened to the podcast yesterday, then you are up to speed on our discussion this week regarding migraines, and you will have heard my take on migraines and headaches. During the podcast Amber and Cindy explained what their migraines were like and how they cope with them. I had mentioned that I rarely if ever get headaches. 

I feel really lucky that I don’t have that issue! It seems that I skipped out on getting frequent headaches. When I do manage to find my head feeling painful I can reason with why I had a headache, as mine are always self-induced due to lack of sleep and eye rest.

Since I work at a computer all day, play games, and read eBooks on my phone as well as binge watch on Netflix, it is common for me to get eye fatigue, otherwise known as eye strain. I also have a sensitivity to light and have allergies, so having eye discomfort can be a daily occurrence for me, and too much time in the sun will cause photokeratitis, a condition where the UV rays from the sun cause symptoms much like a sunburn.

To make matters worse, because I am a glutton for punishment, I tend to keep myself up way past my bedtime because I am enjoying my book or a particular show. When I wake up the next morning after a screen-viewing marathon, I will notice my eyes are very dry and will have a tight pulling sensation. It will feel like there is sand under my eyelids, and sometimes they will sting or feel warm under my eyelids. Overhead lighting and the sun will be exceedingly bright, and as the day passes, I find it more and more challenging to keep my eyes open. I will also have issues with watery eyes, which makes it even harder to see and focus. Taking a nap or resting my eyes will usually cure this pretty quickly.

If there are a lot of extra activities that go on beyond my normal routine, I don't ease up on my screen time, though, or take time for a nap. I enjoy the time away from the hustle and bustle when I am engrossed in a novel, or teaming up with my friends online to play a game. I make sure to have room in my busy schedule for screen time, even if I am exhausted and stretched too thin. I continue this same behavior for days on end, until I just crash and burn because I can barely hold my head up. Ultimately, what stops me like a brick wall is the headache. 

After pushing myself to the extreme, I will suddenly have a headache. When my head starts to hurt, then I know I am done for the day.  It’s not often that I let it get that far, but today, I can say that it has come to that; I noticed that I had a headache when I was at work today. I had headphones in and I was listening to a call. There was someone else in the office with me today, and it felt like they were yelling - my ears were so sensitive (I work in a call center, so it can be overwhelmingly noisy on a regular day). I know that my headache was induced by lack of sleep, as I have been keeping myself up too late these past couple of weeks. I have lots of fun things going on throughout the week in addition to working countless hours of overtime. On top of that, I still have a home to maintain, so I have been overdoing it. 

I want to be careful, though, not to push myself too hard; I need to make sure to schedule self-care time for things like sleeping, meditating, creative/art therapy, and personal care. If I skimp out on my sleep, my personal care time gets cut short, like my skin care routine for example. There has to be some type of balance.

Other areas of my life can be impacted negatively from lack of rest. It is not healthy for the brain or the heart to get partial sleep. The body and mind need that time to recuperate, rebuild and process the day. Not getting enough sleep can lead to heart disease, depression and obesity. My family can also feel the side effects, as our moods change when we are not rested. Your manifestation power is compromised and your ability to perform tasks at work can be similar to someone who is intoxicated. When you put it like that, forgoing a few hours of sleep just to read another chapter sounds like a horrible idea. 

Do you have something that you do that keeps you up at night, or things that you sacrifice sleep for? What do you do to overcome this? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, or be sure to check us out on our Facebook chat group MMC Chat.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Pet Peeves

Yesterday, the podcast Modern Musings talked about pet peeves. It was a fun discussion, but it also made me realize that I have a lot of pet peeves. One would even say that my pet peeves have pet peeves. I joke…I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and when you have OCD, your life is a pet peeve.

What is OCD? According to the National Institute of Mental Health, ”Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a common, chronic, and long-lasting disorder in which a person has uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts (obsessions) and/or behaviors (compulsions) that he or she feels the urge to repeat over and over.” People can have mild to severe cases of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. 

I feel like my tics are not life-altering, just annoying sometimes. I first noticed that I had odd tendencies when I was very young. I would get hyper-fixated on certain things. For example, I was obsessed with making lists and checking things off my list. I also had to have everything in alphabetical order. I would spend days alphabetizing and re-alphabetizing my books, movies, and magazines. There was nothing more satisfying to me than putting things in their place and having them organized. Over the years, I’ve found that without organization, life sometimes falls apart. Over the last eight years, I’ve also learned that sometimes you have to readjust your perception of how things should be and when to fight your battles.

My biggest OCD-related pet peeves:

• The trash should be in the trash can. I am so obsessed with this that I will throw trash away that’s not trash. My OCD has gotten me into trouble in the past. I have gotten so hard into “throwing away trash” mode that I have thrown away checks, important bills/papers, and keepsakes. In my classroom, if students leave their homework on the desk or the floor, I will throw it away (I do give them a disclaimer about this at the beginning of the year). One of the major problems I had with my ex-husband stemmed from his trash-hoarding (another form of OCD).
• The dishes should be in the sink. One thing I can’t stand is going to another person’s house and seeing dishes sitting everywhere. If the dishes are in the sink, I’m okay with it. But if they are sitting around the house, I fight the compulsion to take their dishes to the sink. If I have finished with a dish, I try to take it to the sink immediately. If I don’t, I will stare at it until it is in the sink.
• Dirty clothes should be in the hamper. That is another thing I can’t stand when I go to another person’s house. However, I don’t have an urge to pick up others’ dirty clothes. I can’t stand touching another person’s dirty clothes, especially if they smell like body odor. On the flip side, I won’t let anyone else touch my dirty clothing either.
• Pet hair on my skin or clothes. I know you are saying, “but you have four cats!” Just because they have insane amounts of hair (and compulsively shed in the summer) doesn’t mean I don’t love my cats (or anyone else’s pets). I have separate sets of clothes. Clothes I wear out and clothes I wear at home. I wash both sets of clothes separately. I have multiple sets of sheets and blankets that I am constantly washing to keep down the pet hair. I also groom my cats regularly to keep the hair at bay. If I go to a person’s house with pets, I am mindful of where I sit or what I wear. My reaction also stems from having a mild allergy to pet hair. I obsessively wash my arms and face if I feel hair sticking to them and making them itch.
• Stains on my clothes. This problem came to the forefront recently when I was on vacation. Jason and I ordered a seafood boil to share. I typically buy clothes in mixed patterns and avoid wearing solid colors because mixed patterns tend to hide stains on shirts better. So, I wore a solid shirt, not thinking about the restaurant where we were going to be eating. The boil we ordered was swimming in a butter sauce, and Jason immediately dug in, not caring if he stained his shirt (he usually only wears black anyway). By the end of our meal, I was freaking out because my shirt had stains all over it. I went to the bathroom and compulsively scrubbed the shirt in hopes the stains would not stick. I felt embarrassed afterward because I was having lunch with his family and I felt like they were looking at me oddly with my wet shirt (they weren’t).
• Food in my teeth. Like the stains on my clothes, this drives me crazy. If I am out and about and I do not have dental floss on me, I will not order something that I know will get in my teeth, otherwise, I will pick at my teeth until my teeth are bloody from trying to get out whatever is stuck in them. For this reason, I refuse to eat popcorn, whether it is a flavor I like or not. The memory of popcorn getting stuck in my teeth prevents me from eating it. I don’t like seeing food in other people’s teeth, either.
• Body odor. I do not have a good sense of smell. There are certain things I cannot smell and, in return, taste because I do not have a good sense of smell, except when it comes to body odor. If someone is not wearing deodorant or did not brush their teeth, I can smell it. I might not be able to smell dinner, or the flowers Jason buys me, but I can smell if you didn’t take a shower. I also take extra pains to make sure that I do not have body odor, myself. I compulsively shower and wash my hair at least once a day because I do not want to appear dirty or greasy. Back when I weighed over 400 pounds, my doctor commented on my obsessive cleanliness because she had never met someone of my size so clean.

This is not all of my pet peeves, and I am far from a perfectionist, which is one of the common misconceptions about someone with OCD. I don’t care if I cut straight, draw straight, or hang pictures on my wall straight. I cannot color inside the lines, and I don’t have a problem if my furniture or spice cabinet is aligned a certain way (just whether my spice cabinet is in alphabetical order). I do find myself repeating things, counting over and over, and hyper-fixating on certain tasks, but nothing to the detriment of my life or health. Yes, I have a lot of pet peeves, but I can live with them.

I want to hear from our readers. Do you have any pet peeves? Do they affect your life? Please, comment below or continue the conversation on our Facebook group: MMC Chat.

My Cats

Keeping Your Priorities Straight

In yesterday’s podcast, Amber, Christen, and I discussed the challenges of balancing work and home life. It’s been an age-old problem, and not just for women. In the past, I’ve been a helpless bystander as I watched my husband work himself to death at a very demanding job that left him exhausted at the end of the day with no energy or time for his family. It was brutal, and it was damaging, both physically and mentally. I am no different. There are times when my job demands that I finish certain projects on a deadline, and I find myself working alone in the wee hours of the morning, trying to get it all done. At the time, it felt like it was my biggest priority, but was it?

Today is the 6th anniversary of the day I learned that I had breast cancer, which started an onslaught of doctors appointments, surgeries, radiation treatments, and medications that had unpleasant side effects. Around that same time, I also found out I was a Type 2 diabetic (more medicine, more doctors, more yuk). I also wound up with injuries to both my knees, requiring two surgeries, countless sessions of physical therapy, and chronic pain.

At a recent therapy session, I was chatting with my counselor about how busy I was and how I didn’t have time for this or that task that was weighing on me. I was bemoaning the fact that I have so many doctor's appointments all the time, often two or three in the same week, and how it felt like an imposition on my time. Time I should be using to further my business or clean my house. Time to do that bookkeeping that’s overdue. Time to tend to my own self-care by crafting or reading or watching a movie. How was I supposed to get all these things done if I had to spend two or three of my work days every week at doctor’s appointments? I felt inconvenienced and I resented it, but she helped me see it in a different light.

I can’t remember exactly how she worded it, but the essence of her point was, “Your health is the most important thing, right?” I had to admit that she was right. My immediate health was of primary concern, even though I often put that concern aside to take care of everyone else – a habit that many women have passed down from generation to generation. Women tend to take care of everyone but themselves and only tend to their own needs once everyone else’s needs have been met. My mother-in-law was one of those moms, and in the end, that was what killed her. She spent her whole life taking care of everyone but herself, and by the time she got the wake-up call to address her own issues, it was too late. It breaks my heart, because she was a beautiful and vibrant woman whom I admired very much.

Women aren’t the only ones who do it; men have a frustrating tendency to downplay their illness and injuries because they don’t want to admit their vulnerabilities and because they value their ability to be the provider for their families above all else. 

So why do we do this? Why do we ignore the pain in our back, the signs of high blood pressure, or our growing waistline? The thought goes that taking time to care for ourselves is taking away from our “priorities,” and so those “very important tasks” won't get done.  We assume (you know where that gets us) that our work and taking care of our family are our biggest priorities. But what if we looked at it another way?

Our health, both mental and physical, works in a sort of snowball effect. When we ignore the signs and symptoms of illness or injury, those signs and symptoms usually get worse, progressing into bigger and bigger problems. Problems that may become so big that we are unable to work. It may even threaten our life. By addressing the issues as they occur, by making our health a priority (which it should be), we can spend a little time now to avoid a bigger problem later. We can’t earn that paycheck if we are laid up in bed after a heart attack. The first and foremost priority is always to protect your own health so you can continue to provide for the people who depend on you. That’s why the tedious demonstration at the beginning of your flight reminds you to put on your own mask first before helping your child or anyone else – you can’t save your baby if you’ve already passed out.

When my therapist put it to me that way (and believe me, she didn’t use that many words; I came up with all that by myself), it really struck a nerve. All this time I had been resenting my doctor appointments because they diverted my time from things I’d rather be doing, when all the while, I should have been grateful to have this opportunity to figure out what was wrong and to correct it. I should have been grateful for the doctors, the insurance that pays for them, and the medicines we use to make me better. I should be grateful that the doctors were so thorough and so concerned about getting it just right. I shouldn’t begrudge this time; I should embrace it. And when I thought of it that way, everything changed.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that all those other things aren’t important. We still have to get up and go to work, wash the laundry, and get the kids off to school or whatever, but if the laundry is a day or two late because I had an appointment to get an x-ray on the thumb I jammed the day before, or if I have to go back to my doctor for a follow-up on the new medication I started, then I should just appreciate my doc’s due diligence. The laundry can wait, and my boss doesn’t want me to pass out at work because my medication is the wrong dosage. If I hadn’t gone to that mammogram appointment 6 years ago, if I hadn’t followed up with the biopsy or the thorough physical with my primary care physician, I might never have known I had cancer or diabetes until it was too late. Those simple acts of taking time to do what was right for my health saved me from much bigger problems down the road; it probably saved my life. So remember, you can’t look only at the issues that are burning right now. You have to consider the long-term effects of the things you don’t take care of now, too. 

Here are some tips my therapist suggested to help me prioritize, and don’t forget, you can use that handy Eisenhower Matrix we talked about!

• Make your health a priority:  You can’t help others unless you take care of yourself. A broken wheel will upset the whole cart.

• Assess and reassess your tasks and priorities:  What is really important and what can wait. Is the world going to fall apart if you stop and take 5 minutes to schedule an appointment? Keep adjusting the list of priorities as the day or week goes on. Just because you set something as a priority on Monday does not mean it is still the most important thing on Wednesday.

• Do what would help most right now:  If you’re short on time because you need to take a little self-care time, then look at that list of priorities and decide what would be most helpful right now.  Sometimes getting a little win, crossing something quick and easy off your list, or alleviating the burden of a bigger project will help take the weight off your shoulders. And what you choose as “helpful right now” may not be the same thing you would choose as “helpful” tomorrow, so really take a hard look at that list of tasks and do what you can.

• Make the most of what you are doing:  This goes back to Eckhart Tolle and his lessons about being fully present. Don’t go into that doctor’s office thinking about what you should be doing – use that time to focus on your health. Accept the fact that you are there. Be focussed on the reason you are there, and make the most of it. Enjoy the opportunity to take care of yourself. Have enthusiasm for the process of working with your doctor to make you healthy. It is amazingly empowering.

If you are like me and my husband, and you tend to put off your own self-care to take care of your home, your work, or your loved ones, I hope this article has helped you see things in a different light. You can’t build a house with a broken hammer. Fix your hammer, then you can figure out how to build your house. Thanks for reading, and I hope you’ll comment below or join us in the Facebook chat group to continue the conversation.

 

 

Traveling on a Special Diet

This week on the podcast we are talking about go-to quick and easy meals. Two weeks ago on our podcast, we touched on the topic of traveling with a special diet. This week, I will be leaving for my first vacation in two years, and I have a plan to eat healthy (and budget-friendly) while still on the road.

I follow a low-carb and mostly dairy-free diet as my boyfriend calls it, boring. I’m lucky that so many places have these options while dining out now. You are probably wondering why I use the word “mostly.” Sometimes we are put in situations where we need to eat something and we may not find that particular option on a menu. I could be extremely strict about it, but sometimes we all need to live a little. For example, I can eat cheese. I say I am primarily dairy-free, because, as I mentioned in my last blog, I get sick when I drink milk, eat yogurt and various other dairy products, but a small amount of cheese (like a cheese stick) does not make me sick.

Two years ago, I traveled to Las Vegas with Christen and Cindy for Christen’s bachelorette party. While there, I tried to stick to my diet plan, which required a lot of prepping. Here are my tips for traveling on a special diet:

1. Know the parameters of your diet. What can you eat? When can you eat? What needs to be refrigerated? What can you eat that can withstand long plane/car rides? I have to eat a certain amount of protein per day, and I need to supplement my diet with protein shakes. If I were buying shakes on the road (yes, they do sell them at gas stations), I would be paying twice as much as buying protein powder or shakes ahead of time.
2. Plan! Plan! Plan! Yes, you can “wing it,” but there will be no guarantee (as I’ve learned the hard way) that you can find snacks along the way for your special diet. It’s always good to have an idea where you are going to eat and what snacks you want to eat ahead of time. I suggest doing some research on restaurants before traveling so that you can pick the right restaurant. For example, if you follow a vegan diet, you may need to find vegan-friendly restaurants near where you will be staying.
3. Buy in bulk when possible. This is a big one for me because buying low-carb snacks on the road can be unhealthy and expensive. I typically go to my local bulk foods store and buy individual bulk ingredients to make my own trail mix. I also make sure I stock up on protein bars, peanut butter, low-carb crackers, and celery sticks. If you are taking a road trip, you can buy a case of water instead of paying individually for water at a gas station.
4. Pre-portion your snacks. The last time I went on vacation, took tiny zip lock bags and made tiny portions of my snacks before storing them in my suitcase. I didn’t check any luggage, and I was able to get my snacks through with my carry-on bags with minimal security issues (apparently my individually packed protein powder could have been a powder bomb, so they had to take a closer look).
5. Always be prepared. There have been many times that I have been stuck in the middle of nowhere and unable to eat when I need to eat because I was unprepared, or I was dehydrated because I didn’t have a bottle of water. Now, I carry a protein bar or a protein pack of almonds in my purse and I have another in my work backpack. I also make sure I have a refillable bottle or cup in my car or in my backpack for those times that I don’t have anything to drink.

I know it seems like a lot of work but preparing my travel snacks ahead of time really does save a lot of money when on the road. Yes, you still will want to eat at the cool, local restaurants but the more money you save on snacks, the more money you can spend dining out or on souvenirs.

I want to hear from our readers. What is your favorite road-trip snack? Do you plan it ahead of time or do you “wing it” when on the road? Let’s continue the conversation right here or on our Facebook Group MMC Chat. Don’t forget to check out our podcast as well!

Coffee Versus Water: A Taste Buds Journey

Coffee Love

This week on the podcast we talked about tips to drink more water. I will be the first to admit that I don’t drink enough water, especially in the summertime. In fact, last week, I got really sick because I hadn’t been drinking enough water. More than a few times in my life I have been to the hospital due to dehydration. Now that my stomach is smaller, it makes it even harder to consume water. What I do consume a lot of, is coffee.

I’ve been called out a few times in the last year (by people who don’t drink coffee) that I drink too much coffee. I agree with them, it’s true. I even wrote in my blog about Powersheets® that coffee, especially coffee influencing on my Instagram reviews blog @ravenreviews_tx, is one of my motivations. One might even go as far as to say that I am obsessed with coffee. That wasn’t always the case. Unlike children today – case in point, my students come to class with Venti Starbucks™ Lattes – if I wanted coffee, I had to go to my grandma’s house or go to the local coffee shop with my grandpa on Saturday mornings. 

My parents didn’t even own a coffee maker (my mom was a tea drinker), so, I didn’t drink as much coffee as kids do today. My grandma only kept powdered creamer to put in her Folgers® and I thought it tasted disgusting. Starbucks™ was something you only saw in the movies – for example, Cher and her friends in the movie Clueless, drinking the fancy coffee brand. I didn’t even see a Starbucks™ in person until I went to Las Vegas for my high school senior trip and one of my friends pointed it out. Sure, the coffee chain had stores in Texas, but nowhere near where I lived.

I didn’t start drinking coffee until I was in college. Christen and I spent our first two years at South Plains College in a small town in West Texas called Levelland, which was not far from the somewhat big town of Lubbock. Levelland was about the size of the town I grew up in (so, not very big) but, unlike the town I grew up in, it had not just a coffee shop but a Cafe that served fancy coffee concoctions unlike any I ever tried. It was called Rhinobear and they served Day Break Coffee. Christen and I went all the time to get the frappe, and I was hooked. I was still just a casual coffee drinker. I was a poor college kid that worked in the financial aid office for $5.25 an hour. Fancy coffee was just a treat, and I certainly didn’t drink coffee every day. If I wanted caffeine, I usually drank Diet Coke, but only occasionally (I gave up soda with sugar in it when I was a junior in high school).

As I grew older and became a teacher, I started drinking more coffee mainly because free coffee existed in the teacher’s lounge. At the same time, I began treatments for my chronic migraines (a topic I will explore in a future blog) and the preventative medication that was given to me made all carbonated drinks taste terrible, so I turned more toward coffee and tea for a caffeine fix. When I moved back to Vernon a few years later, my grandma received a Keurig® for her birthday, and I began experimenting with different flavors and styles of coffee through their k-cup subscription program. Thus, my taste became more refined. I realized the taste difference between brands, flavors, and roasts and I started drinking coffee for the flavor aspect, but I usually only had a cup a day unless it was a tough day at work. Still, if I was ever in a town with a Starbucks™ or other fancy coffee shop, I would stop and try a new type of drink. 

After surgery, everything changed. I wrote in my last blog about my struggles before and after bariatric surgery. That was only a part of it. My taste buds completely changed after surgery. For example, I only occasionally ate eggs before surgery, and now eggs are a regular part of my diet. I could eat dairy without getting sick before surgery, and now I can't drink a glass of milk or eat yogurt without getting sick. In the weeks prior to surgery, I had to stop all caffeine and I couldn’t drink it again until three months after my surgery – I was fine with it. However, the first cup of coffee post-surgery was an experience that I will never forget. I went to Starbucks™ and ordered a grande cold brew for the first time. I drank it as I still drink it – with one pump of sugar-free vanilla and a splash of heavy cream – and it was heavenly. Aside from my first coffee in four months, I had never tasted a cold brew before. I thought it was amazing, and it tasted strong. Before surgery, I didn’t crave dark or strong coffee, and now I can’t drink it any other way. In fact, I don’t want to drink anything else but coffee. I crave coffee all the time.

Therein lies my problem. Before surgery, I was never one to chug water, and now that I can’t chug water, it’s hard to get enough water in my body. Now I’m always dehydrated because the first thing I reach for in the morning is coffee and not water. I’ve studied nutrition and taken nutrition classes, so I know the right thing to do is immediately start drinking water when you get up in the morning. My life would be so much better if I wasn’t chronically dehydrated, but I’d rather drink coffee, and if I’m being honest, I’d rather drink coffee over eating food. That’s why I have to mix protein in my coffee now to get enough protein post-surgery. It really is a daily struggle.

How have I tried to combat this craving? Well, psychologically, I’ve figured out that it’s not the caffeine that I crave. I am perfectly fine with drinking decaf coffee. It’s the flavor that I crave. Unfortunately, they don’t make coffee flavor water enhancements that I could use to trick myself into thinking I’m drinking coffee when in reality, I’m drinking water. The closest thing that I’ve found is a vanilla-flavored additive–which helps but it is not a perfect solution. As a goal for my summer, I’ve decided to cut back on my coffee consumption and make an effort to track the water I drink daily as well as keep water readily available to grab when I need it. Maybe this will help me get my 64 ounces of water in daily.

I want to hear from our readers. What are some tips and tricks you use to drink more water? If you have a hard time drinking water, what are some tips to stay hydrated? Let’s continue the conversation on our Facebook Page and Facebook Group MMC Chat.

Why You Should Stay Hydrated!

Many of us struggle to drink enough water. It has been something I strive for and even sometimes struggle with. I find that, just like the tide, I ebb and flow when it comes to drinking water. I will get on a kick and drink until I float away, and then something might trigger the pause, and I will slow down on my water consumption.

With the new moon coming on Tuesday, right now is the best time to set those new intentions. If you have been struggling, like most people, to get in enough fluids, set the intention to drink more water for your health. Determine exactly what your intention is, and set that intention with the new moon on Tuesday, June 28th. Your positive and creative energies are at their highest during the new moon. 

Great ways to set intentions:

• Vision boards
• Positive affirmations
• Smart goals
• Meditation
• Scripting

I mentioned last week that I have been busy this summer. We recently came back from a great family canoe trip. My parents have been canoeing down the Brazos River for several years now. Just last year, Travis, Reyna and I joined them for our first expedition. Although we had no idea what we were getting into, we were eager to go. I want to tell you about a terrifying experience that we had while on our canoe trip in 2021.

Now when I say that we were going on a canoe trip, I mean just that. We parked our cars and were shuttled off to a remote location where we were left with our gear, 3 canoes, and our own willpower to get 20 miles down the river safely. My dad is not the planner in the family, that would be my mom, so when we asked him what to bring, he said “I got everything, just bring your beer and camping gear.” So that's what we did. I’m not a beer drinker, so Travis brought a tiny cooler with some beer for himself. The goal was to go 10 - 12 miles down river, stopping somewhere about half the way for lunch and then making the last leg for that day to a good place to camp on the side of the river bank. We would reserve the last 8 - 10 miles for the following day. We had all of our gear in our canoes: tents, chairs, clothing, food, toilet paper…everything. 

The day was hot! The temperature was probably close to, if not, in the 100’s. Travis and I did not have the best clothing choices on. We thought, since it was going to be hot, that tank tops and shorts would be best to keep us cool. Despite our best efforts to keep sunscreen applied, we were both dried-out lobsters by lunch time. We got a little wet in the river to cool off. Reyna was having a blast digging up river rocks and swimming, but Travis was starting to look very worn out, and I was getting pretty worn out myself. The whole trip, we were paddling against the wind so it was very exhausting. 

The camping spots are not designated. The land edging up to the river is privately owned, so the only places to camp are on the sandbars. We paddled downstream and checked out several spots, looking for the flattest places to camp. I turned to look at Travis only to find that he was not paddling any longer, and looked very ill. He was clearly getting heat exhaustion. We had been pushing waters on him, but all the waters were in a cooler in another canoe, not easily accessible. It was clear that he was dehydrated. By the time we found a campsite, he was nauseous and was not able to keep the water down. It was horrible, he was of no help getting the tent set up and we couldn’t get him to drink. 

Once I got our tent set up, he climbed inside and practically passed out. He emerged just long enough to try and eat supper, but that upset his stomach. After about an hour of sitting with the family, he went back to bed with instructions to drink more water. We had no choice but to let him rest so that we could carry on the next day. That night, he was restless in his sleep. He kept trying to get out of the tent and wander off in the dark without shoes or a flashlight. I feared that he was delirious! Thankfully at some point in the night I was able to get him to finally go to sleep, and we finished off our canoe trip the next day.

This year, we made some changes to how we packed. I insisted that we have a cooler in each canoe, with drinks. We extended the trip by one more day, so that we could travel a shorter distance, and rest longer in between. Travis and I wore long sleeve shirts to protect our skin from getting burned, and we brought 4 large packs of water along with other refreshments. Before our trip, Travis made extra efforts to ensure that he was pre-hydrated; several weeks prior to the trip, he bumped up his daily water intake.

I thought it would be wise to set up a way to ensure that we all drank, and often. The first year that we went canoeing, Travis and I being novices, found our canoes mimicking bumper car behavior more than anything. Going into it this year I just knew that it would be the same as before, so I told everyone that we would drink anytime someone got their canoe turned the wrong direction. We drank a lot! Thankfully this year, the only thing that was dehydrated on our trip were my lips because they got a little windburned, but a couple of days with Vaseline on them, and they are smooth again!

The moral of my story: arriving at an outdoor activity on the brink of dehydration can be fatal. My husband was very lucky that his dehydration did not cause further damage. He is now the butt of the joke anytime we talk about the canoe trip of 2021, and he was scrutinized (very lovingly) if he had any drink left in his bottle, (and probably always will be). 

What measures do you take to ensure you are getting enough fluids? Have you or a loved one ever been severely dehydrated? I would love to hear what you have to say, be sure to stop by MMC Chat on Facebook to continue the conversation and be sure to check out the podcast on Wednesday where we each share our hydration tips. 

Photo by Cindy Murray

How I Filled My Cup

Filling my cup. What an interesting concept, this metaphor. As an English teacher, I am obsessed with words but what does this metaphor mean? It can be taken in a few ways. I have always thought of myself as a “glass half full” person – an optimist. I might be depleting something, but at least there is something left. Let’s call the “something” in the glass “energy”. Let’s also say that the “cup” in this situation is you, the reader. Is your energy half full or half empty? What are some ways that you can fill your cup with life-sustaining energy without overfilling it?

First, you need to sit back and decide what kind of energy your cup already has in it. Let’s back up. What even is “energy?” If you are not a metaphysical or “meta” person, you might not be fully aware of the energies surrounding us or our life force. In different cultures, the source of life, or life force, takes on different identities such as “Chi” or “Qi” in Chinese culture, and “Mana” in Hawaiian culture. This energy is, of course, different than scientific energy (kinetic, potential, mechanical, etc.). In Chinese culture, there are two types of energy: positive energy and negative energy. I’m going to go a step further and say there are different types of positive and negative energies. It is all in how you present yourself to the world.

A friend of mine has been recently struggling with a negative influence in her life. She asked me why she attracts such negative people. I told her that it was the energy she gives out into the world. In the past, I have called her “friend goals” because everyone wants to be her friend. She is the most positive person I know. Her cup is overflowing with positive energy, and she spreads it freely out into the world. People line up to drink from her “positive cup.” I know this because I have the same problem. I’ve learned to combat it over the years, but I often wondered why I felt so down and drained. It was because I was attracting the same type of people in my life (friends, relationships, family, etc) that wanted a drink of my positive energy.

Three years ago, I decided that I needed to make a major life change, and I continued to do so as I shed physical weight and the mental weight of the unrealistic expectations of toxic people. The more I did these things, the more I realized that I had a lifetime of negativity fighting for my positivity and that included negative expectations I had of myself. The first thing I did was quit my job and then I moved to a new town. I thought that physically distancing myself from all the toxic energy would help, and it did for a while, but I had to do more than that. My cup was drained of positive energy.  The negative people in my life were suddenly making themselves known, and my cup began to fill with their negative energy. I started doing things in my life that I wouldn’t normally do, such as calling in sick to work and spending money carelessly.

A year and a half ago, after my ex-husband and I separated, I started on a journey of self-reflection. There were still so many wrong things in my life that I needed to change physically and mentally. My cup began to fill again with positive energy, and it attracted positive people in my life once again. I reconnected with old friends and family that I hadn’t seen for years. I even started doing the things that I loved again, which led me to write this blog and start a podcast with my friends.

Things I did to fill my cup with positivity and bring my life back into balance:

• I started writing again: Writing is my favorite pastime over anything else. I started writing (and reading) at a young age. When I was in sixth grade, I wrote my first book. I published my first poem when I was 17 years old. Last year, Christen convinced me to start creative journaling, and it went from there. Now I have truly adopted a concept I teach in my classroom, which is to write every day.

• I tried new things: When I started writing again, I started exploring the area near my house (amid the pandemic, of course) and I began ordering from new restaurants that I wouldn’t normally have tried. I also started writing restaurant reviews on Instagram. When restrictions eased up, I started trying new coffee shops, and I began to develop a small following. In January, I implemented a “22 coffee moments in 2022” challenge on my Instagram Ms.Garvin.Writes.

• I reconnected with my spirituality: In 2014, my mom had a series of strokes, and I gave up my job and everything I knew to move in with her and take care of her. Until my marriage separation, I had become a caretaker of others and not for myself. Aside from writing, I also put my spiritual pursuits on the backburner. Recently, I started studying them again. I had never lost my spirituality and my interest in the metaphysical, but it had become dormant as I began to live my life for other people.

• I unpacked: I moved to my current place last summer. As I was moving, I realized that I hadn’t opened any of the boxes since I moved in with my mom in early 2015. I hadn’t seen my things in six years. I had moved so much in that time that I started to leave things in boxes and never unpacked. I decided that I was going to unpack ALL of my boxes. That was cathartic. I laughed and I cried at all of the memories I had missed.

• I got rid of the excess: After I unpacked every single box that I had carried with me from place to place, I began to declutter. I had so many things that I didn’t need or want, such as kitchen gadgets I would never use or books I would never read. I had boxes of mail from years before. If you have never decluttered before, it is the most uplifting feeling.

• I started self-care routines: I have written before about losing weight and losing clothes to mold damage. As I replaced my damaged and oversized wardrobe, I began to buy clothes that fit properly. In addition to my new body confidence, I started a skincare routine, and I started wearing makeup that interested me.

• I started counseling: This was a big turning point for me because I hadn’t fully worked through the death of my parents. When I began the divorce process, the stress in my life came to a peak, and I began to have almost daily panic attacks. I had used the excuse in the past that mental healthcare was unaffordable and that I didn’t need it. I suddenly realized that my cup was empty. I needed to talk to somebody about the things that had been going on in my life. Someone that didn’t know and wouldn't judge me. We all need that sometimes. 

All life has to have balance. In a perfect world, your cup would be filled with an adequate amount of everything you need, and it would have the right balance of positive and negative energy. We have to actively work to keep that balance, or we spiral out of control. It is an everyday struggle for me not to give in to the negative influences that drain my cup. The best advice I can give is to find the things that make you happy and work for them. Fill your cup with that. If something is draining your cup, detox it from your life.
I want to hear from my readers: What has been draining your cup lately? Comment here or continue the conversation in our Facebook group, MMC Chat.