Keeping Your Priorities Straight

In yesterday’s podcast, Amber, Christen, and I discussed the challenges of balancing work and home life. It’s been an age-old problem, and not just for women. In the past, I’ve been a helpless bystander as I watched my husband work himself to death at a very demanding job that left him exhausted at the end of the day with no energy or time for his family. It was brutal, and it was damaging, both physically and mentally. I am no different. There are times when my job demands that I finish certain projects on a deadline, and I find myself working alone in the wee hours of the morning, trying to get it all done. At the time, it felt like it was my biggest priority, but was it?

Today is the 6th anniversary of the day I learned that I had breast cancer, which started an onslaught of doctors appointments, surgeries, radiation treatments, and medications that had unpleasant side effects. Around that same time, I also found out I was a Type 2 diabetic (more medicine, more doctors, more yuk). I also wound up with injuries to both my knees, requiring two surgeries, countless sessions of physical therapy, and chronic pain.

At a recent therapy session, I was chatting with my counselor about how busy I was and how I didn’t have time for this or that task that was weighing on me. I was bemoaning the fact that I have so many doctor's appointments all the time, often two or three in the same week, and how it felt like an imposition on my time. Time I should be using to further my business or clean my house. Time to do that bookkeeping that’s overdue. Time to tend to my own self-care by crafting or reading or watching a movie. How was I supposed to get all these things done if I had to spend two or three of my work days every week at doctor’s appointments? I felt inconvenienced and I resented it, but she helped me see it in a different light.

I can’t remember exactly how she worded it, but the essence of her point was, “Your health is the most important thing, right?” I had to admit that she was right. My immediate health was of primary concern, even though I often put that concern aside to take care of everyone else – a habit that many women have passed down from generation to generation. Women tend to take care of everyone but themselves and only tend to their own needs once everyone else’s needs have been met. My mother-in-law was one of those moms, and in the end, that was what killed her. She spent her whole life taking care of everyone but herself, and by the time she got the wake-up call to address her own issues, it was too late. It breaks my heart, because she was a beautiful and vibrant woman whom I admired very much.

Women aren’t the only ones who do it; men have a frustrating tendency to downplay their illness and injuries because they don’t want to admit their vulnerabilities and because they value their ability to be the provider for their families above all else. 

So why do we do this? Why do we ignore the pain in our back, the signs of high blood pressure, or our growing waistline? The thought goes that taking time to care for ourselves is taking away from our “priorities,” and so those “very important tasks” won't get done.  We assume (you know where that gets us) that our work and taking care of our family are our biggest priorities. But what if we looked at it another way?

Our health, both mental and physical, works in a sort of snowball effect. When we ignore the signs and symptoms of illness or injury, those signs and symptoms usually get worse, progressing into bigger and bigger problems. Problems that may become so big that we are unable to work. It may even threaten our life. By addressing the issues as they occur, by making our health a priority (which it should be), we can spend a little time now to avoid a bigger problem later. We can’t earn that paycheck if we are laid up in bed after a heart attack. The first and foremost priority is always to protect your own health so you can continue to provide for the people who depend on you. That’s why the tedious demonstration at the beginning of your flight reminds you to put on your own mask first before helping your child or anyone else – you can’t save your baby if you’ve already passed out.

When my therapist put it to me that way (and believe me, she didn’t use that many words; I came up with all that by myself), it really struck a nerve. All this time I had been resenting my doctor appointments because they diverted my time from things I’d rather be doing, when all the while, I should have been grateful to have this opportunity to figure out what was wrong and to correct it. I should have been grateful for the doctors, the insurance that pays for them, and the medicines we use to make me better. I should be grateful that the doctors were so thorough and so concerned about getting it just right. I shouldn’t begrudge this time; I should embrace it. And when I thought of it that way, everything changed.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that all those other things aren’t important. We still have to get up and go to work, wash the laundry, and get the kids off to school or whatever, but if the laundry is a day or two late because I had an appointment to get an x-ray on the thumb I jammed the day before, or if I have to go back to my doctor for a follow-up on the new medication I started, then I should just appreciate my doc’s due diligence. The laundry can wait, and my boss doesn’t want me to pass out at work because my medication is the wrong dosage. If I hadn’t gone to that mammogram appointment 6 years ago, if I hadn’t followed up with the biopsy or the thorough physical with my primary care physician, I might never have known I had cancer or diabetes until it was too late. Those simple acts of taking time to do what was right for my health saved me from much bigger problems down the road; it probably saved my life. So remember, you can’t look only at the issues that are burning right now. You have to consider the long-term effects of the things you don’t take care of now, too. 

Here are some tips my therapist suggested to help me prioritize, and don’t forget, you can use that handy Eisenhower Matrix we talked about!

• Make your health a priority:  You can’t help others unless you take care of yourself. A broken wheel will upset the whole cart.

• Assess and reassess your tasks and priorities:  What is really important and what can wait. Is the world going to fall apart if you stop and take 5 minutes to schedule an appointment? Keep adjusting the list of priorities as the day or week goes on. Just because you set something as a priority on Monday does not mean it is still the most important thing on Wednesday.

• Do what would help most right now:  If you’re short on time because you need to take a little self-care time, then look at that list of priorities and decide what would be most helpful right now.  Sometimes getting a little win, crossing something quick and easy off your list, or alleviating the burden of a bigger project will help take the weight off your shoulders. And what you choose as “helpful right now” may not be the same thing you would choose as “helpful” tomorrow, so really take a hard look at that list of tasks and do what you can.

• Make the most of what you are doing:  This goes back to Eckhart Tolle and his lessons about being fully present. Don’t go into that doctor’s office thinking about what you should be doing – use that time to focus on your health. Accept the fact that you are there. Be focussed on the reason you are there, and make the most of it. Enjoy the opportunity to take care of yourself. Have enthusiasm for the process of working with your doctor to make you healthy. It is amazingly empowering.

If you are like me and my husband, and you tend to put off your own self-care to take care of your home, your work, or your loved ones, I hope this article has helped you see things in a different light. You can’t build a house with a broken hammer. Fix your hammer, then you can figure out how to build your house. Thanks for reading, and I hope you’ll comment below or join us in the Facebook chat group to continue the conversation.

 

 

Quick and Easy Dinners

This week we're talking about quick and easy dinners, which means something a little different in my house. I've been collecting favorite family recipes in a binder (more on that below) which I thought would be a quick weekend activity for our home binder. I am collecting all the recipes for family favorites that we return to often. Originally, I thought it would be a quick weekend activity, however, I have found that it is a more daunting task that I have had to put a lot of work into.

To be honest, I do not use a recipe very often, and when I do, I find myself veering from the directions; I am a free spirit in the kitchen. I have a good palate, comprehend food pairings well, and have enough knowledge of various cooking methods that I can easily create my own recipes from what I have on hand. I am open to learning new skills and techniques, and have great interest in how to make an ethnic dish that I have tried at a restaurant, but I particularly enjoy cooking creations from my head. It is hard to believe, but before I married Travis, I had been feeding myself delicious meals with very little use of recipes for almost 15 years! I had started an extensive collection of recipes, but still found that experimenting was more enjoyable.

Unfortunately, since I don’t get the opportunity to cook dinner as much as I would like these days, I sometimes have to show Travis how to cook something that I am craving. But if I only know how to make it off the top of my head, it can be a real challenge when I am not physically there to show him how to do it. Travis, by comparison, is my exact opposite when it comes to cooking - he needs a recipe for guidance and he sticks to it. He is still learning and honing his skills as the family cook. If I just rattle off instructions to him, he will make something completely different than I was expecting.

As part of my Cultivate What Matters goal in 2022 of creating a Home Binder, I am transcribing the recipes and how-to’s into our home binder so that Travis will have access to them easily. I am also still collecting my mother’s recipes that I loved growing up. I want to share some of the ones that she does not cook as often with Travis and Reyna. They have not experienced her Tuna Casserole, Western Corn and Beef Pie, or Hoppin’ John, all three of which were probably my all time favorites when I was growing up.

There are also new favorites that I want to incorporate. I went to a gathering with craft friends about a year ago, and one of my friends brought in this fresh vegetable and tortellini salad. It was a cold salad that she served with Italian salad dressing on the side. It was so delicious that I decided to go home and replicate it. I have been tinkering with the ingredients ever since, and I love it because it is such a flexible salad where any of the ingredients can be swapped, doubled, reduced, etc. You can get a free download of the recipe card here. 

I wanted to share my update on the Home Binder and thought that also sharing a recipe that I just added to it seemed fitting. Please be sure to check out the Podcast on Wednesday when we talk all about our favorite quick meals. Let me know if you try out my recipe in the comments.

How Planning Transformed My Life

In the past, I’ve always been a casual planner and calendar user. I utilized as many as I could. I had a calendar on my wall at home, I had a calendar on my desk at work, and I had a teacher planner and pocket planner that I carried with me everywhere. I had so many planners that planning was overwhelming. Two years ago, Christen introduced me to Happy Planner® and I fell in love. Instead of having so many planners, I committed to having one planner for all of the planning that I do.

Katniss helping me plan.

My Happy Planner®  has many sections that help me stay organized:

• Year-at-a-glance section
• Month-at-a-glance layout
• Weekly spread
• Daily entries

Different things I use my planner for:

1. Everyday events such as birthdays, due dates, date nights, weddings, etc. I also take it to the next level, and I have spiritual and literary events added, as well as the moon phases and Banned Books Week. Because I am an English teacher, I like to add the literary holidays because I like to plan around them and celebrate with my students. I utilize my monthly calendar for these things.
2. School dates such as school holidays, the nine-week grading periods, field trip days, testing days, and lesson due dates. We have a lot of school dates, so I utilize the weekly part of my planner. The weekly spread is also very helpful when planning out lesson plans and to-do lists. I try to organize the weekly calendar.
3. Budgeting. In every monthly section of my planner, there are pages for notes. I write a list of my bills and their due dates. I will also make a note of bill due dates in the daily section of the planner. I use a budget tracker to track my spending habits. You can also buy supplemental budgeting sheets to add to your Happy Planner®.
4. Lists. Listing is very important to me. I like to keep a daily or weekly goal list and to-do list. I write these lists in the margins of the weekly section in my planner. I also have a call list that I keep in the monthly section of my planner which reminds me of the phone calls I need to make.

Rough draft of to-do lists

Other key features I like:

• Stickers. I love stickers! When I first bought a planner, I immediately purchased cool stickers to go in my planner.
• Folders and pockets. You can add folders and pockets to your planner to keep loose papers and it gives your planner a notebook-like feel.
• The room to truly be creative. Not only do I like to color-code my dates but I also like to draw pictures in my planner to represent key moments in my life.

After all of this, I still do not consider myself an extreme planner. However, after changing my planning habits and consolidating all of my calendars to one catch-all planner, my life has been more organized and efficient. When I get to school, one of the first things I do is take out my planner and see what I have going on that day. Planning has helped me look ahead and not overbook myself. Planning has also helped me keep accountable in certain aspects of my life that used to challenge me, such as budgeting. Organizing to the extreme is not for everyone and you can still be a casual planner using Happy Planner® but if you are looking for an extra creative outlet in your life, I highly recommend it.

Let’s continue the conversation. Do you use day planners in your life? Join us on our Facebook Group: MMC Chat and on our Facebook page.

Out With the Old

It’s the summer of 2014 and I’m standing in the house I grew up in amongst the trash and remnants of my childhood. I feel sadness about the years of neglect as the last of the boxes are hastily packed in a moving truck and carted off to storage. When does a bit of clutter turn into the tendency to hoard?

Hoarding is the difficulty of parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them. When we think of hoarding, we often think of the popular television show that airs on A&E. Those, of course, are extreme cases of hoarding. I never thought that it could run in my family. However, according to Psychiatry.org, hoarding does run in the family, and I fight my tendency to hoard constantly because I love to shop. That summer, my dad was downsizing from a three-bedroom house to a two-bedroom apartment, and I discovered that my parents kept everything. They never threw anything away. As I was going through 20-year-old bills and throwing away food that was years out of date, I thought to myself that I would never become a hoarder to this extent.

Boy, was I wrong!

At the time, my mom explained to me the sentimentality of 40 plus years of marriage, and how one just “collects” things over the years. Yeah, I got that, but I only had a few possessions that I could never get rid of. I will admit that I am a book hoarder; I’ve kept every book that I ever read, and carried every book (including a dictionary collection) with me every time I moved once I turned 18 – and I moved every two years. I couldn’t fathom hoarding bills and receipts as my mom had done. I regularly shredded my mail. I have never been a fan of clutter, but it was something I dealt with growing up. I always remembered our house being so full of things that it was oftentimes hard to walk through.

As an adult, I thought I was done with the clutter and the hoarding, but then I married a hoarder. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my ex-husband did little things that bothered me, like never throwing away trash, and it reminded me of my dad in the sense that he didn’t throw away trash either. They say women tend to marry their fathers, and I felt like I was always picking up after both of them. Throughout our relationship, my ex and I also began to pick up clutter and possessions. After we moved from a three-bedroom house to a two-bedroom, I realized that we had become hoarders. We kept everything that anyone had ever given us, and it was hard to neatly organize our living space.

When quarantine hit in 2020, I suddenly had to teach from home, and I found I had no space in which to even set up a desk. My ex-husband and I had so much stuff that we were navigating through little trails to get through our house and the piled-up boxes. Deja vu. After our separation, I made some SMART goals that would get me through 2021 and one of them was to get rid of the clutter.

Christen gave me some sage advice when I started the process. She quoted Marie Kondo, “look at everything and ask yourself, ‘does this make me happy?’” So, I did. It took me three months and about 10 trips to the thrift store to downsize my life after my divorce. I went through every possession I owned and considered whether it made me happy. When I was done, I no longer felt like a hoarder. I felt great…accomplished.

So, why does getting rid of stuff feel so good?

According to the article “Why Getting Rid of Stuff Feels So Good” by Shifrah Combiths, there are several reasons why getting rid of stuff makes us feel so good, but the reason that resonates with me the most is that “separating from the past can heal” and that is what I did. I hung on to so many things because there was a sentimental value attached to them. I didn’t want to get rid of certain things because “my mom gave it to me” or “my dad used it” at this certain time. But, I realized that possessions aren’t memories, and I can still keep the memories of my parents within me without keeping every single thing that they owned. That, in itself, was freeing.

So, whenever I tend to hoard or my house gets to the point where the clutter is out of control, I remember that moment I had eight years ago when I realized that there is such a thing as “too much.”

Are you a clutter bug? Are there things that you keep and you don’t know why? Let me know in the comments, and let’s continue the conversation in our Facebook Group.

You can find Marie Kondo’s website here.

All the World is a Stage

Hey everyone! On our podcast this week we are continuing our discussion on Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”, and we are examining the concepts in chapter 3 “The Core of the Ego” and 4 “Role Playing: The Many Faces of the Ego.”

Role-playing: As a former Theatre teacher, the concept of role-playing stands out to me. Shakespeare wrote in one of his famous monologues, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players,” meaning that all humans have roles that they play in life. In his speech, Shakespeare presents the roles humans play as they age, while Tolle presents the different roles the ego plays throughout a human’s life. So, in a sense, roles within a role.

According to Shakespeare, there are seven roles or “ages” of man:

1. The baby: This age represents humans as helpless and innocent. They rely on others to help them survive the world.
2. The child: This age represents humans as they are young and idealistic. They are just venturing out of their house into the world to attend school.
3. The young man: This age represents a teenager hitting puberty and falling in love for the first time. Although still young and idealistic, they know a little bit more about life outside their parents’ house.
4. The soldier: This age represents a young adult venturing out of their parents’ house and earning a reputation with their first job. Shakespeare describes this age as quick to fight and quick to judge.
5. The justice: This age represents a somewhat older individual who is now working hard and earning money for themselves and their family.
6. The older man: This age represents retirement as a person grows older and thinner, but still wants to maintain their youthful appearance.
7. The old man: This age represents old age as humans begin to slip into their second childhood and become helpless and innocent. This age also represents the fact that life has come full circle. Humans start helpless and innocent, and they end helpless and innocent. Their last role to play is also childlike.

Within these roles, according to Tolle, the ego has its own roles to play, and most of them are attention-seeking roles. Tolle suggests that these roles start in childhood. Some very common attention-seeking roles that humans play are:

• The Villain: At a young age, these roles become apparent. The protagonist and the antagonist. The “good” guy and the “bad” guy. These roles are personified in every story ever made. In every Shakespeare play ever written. A common villain role is that of a criminal. Criminals often commit crimes to get caught. To get that attention that the ego looks for. Criminologists have tried to explain the motivations behind criminals going back centuries. Criminologists suggest that reasons for committing a crime include greed, anger, jealousy, revenge, or pride. All of these negative emotions relate to the attention-seeking ego. According to Tolle, “some egos perpetrate crimes in search of fame.” Negative attention is also attention.
• The Victim: This is a very common role in the sense that the attention the victim seeks is sympathy from others. In psychology, this could also be called a narcissist. Humans play the victim to keep the attention on them and only them. “Victims” often claim the negative actions of others or society contribute to them being the way they are.

Letting go of self-definitions is one way Tolle suggests that humans shed the roles they have chosen to play in their life. However, humans are obsessed with categorizing things. Those that refuse to identify with certain religions and genders are considered different and weird. However, it is also becoming more common for people to let go of self-definitions. Many people simply refuse to fit into a specific category.

While a person cannot let go of their roles in Shakespeare’s “ages of man,” you can let go of the “roles within your roles” and free your mind from the attention-seeking obligations of the ego. Yes, at certain times in your life you may be a victim or a villain, but you do not have to play that role all the time. Tolle suggests that these roles can only be temporary if you are open to finding true happiness.

I want to know what our readers think. Have you played any of these roles- in your life? How did you get past these roles or are you still playing them? Let’s continue the conversation on our Facebook Group: MMC Chat.

Shakespeare’s Speech from Poetry Foundation:

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav’d, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

Say Hello to HelloFresh

A few years ago, if you had asked me to tell you how to eat healthy on a budget, I would have laughed in your face. Hi, this is Cindy again, and oddly enough, that’s exactly what I’m here to do! This week we’ve been talking about several different ways to eat healthy on a budget, and I’m here with more info about one I mentioned in the podcast on Wednesday.

For me, one of the biggest obstacles to eating healthy is often the time it takes to prepare a healthy meal. How many times have you come home from work and thought to yourself, “What am I going to make for dinner?” only to decide that you’re too tired to cook, or you’ve still got work to finish, and you just don’t want to spend the time figuring it out and then cooking it. Admit it, it’s a lot faster and often cheaper to order that pizza, or slide through the drive-thru at Taco Bell or McDonalds. I mean, “Dollar Menu”...right?

The answer to that dilemma is always “plan ahead”, but even that takes time. I used to spend at least an hour every Sunday planning out my grocery list for the week; I had to look through the pantry and freezer to decide what’s there that needed to get used before it went bad, and compare it to my recipes to see what I could make out of it. And then once I had my list, I had to go to the store to get the supplies. That could take an hour or more, and more often than not, involved multiple stores! I won’t even mention what happens when I can’t find an ingredient (COVID shortages are real!). Wow! That’s making me tired just thinking about it. It sure makes that pizza sound pretty good right now.

Luckily, budget-friendly can also be time-friendly. My favorite time and budget-friendly option right now is HelloFresh. This is a paid meal service with some excellent healthy options and hearty portions. All of the food comes right to your door, complete with the recipe to prepare a delicious meal. You pick the food, you pick the days and the portions, and they deliver sanity. Seriously. 

Stuffed Bell Peppers with Couscous is one of our favorites

What makes this service healthy is the choices. HelloFresh offers your choice of at least 25 different meal options every week, many of which are low calorie, carb-smart, and even vegetarian. The portions are appropriately sized and quite filling. And best of all it is mostly fresh ingredients—not canned veggies or processed meats — just good food. 

I signed up for HelloFresh (no, this is not a paid endorsement) at a Pinners Conference in 2019. I was curious and thought I’d give it a try. The food looked delicious, the prep work looked easy, and the price was right -- the average plan costs about $10/person per meal. I didn’t think hubby would like it much, but, hey, he wasn’t the one spending all his time sweating over the hot stove.

I was blown away by my first box. The ingredients were fresh and portioned to the exact amount I needed (no measuring), the instructions were simple and straight-forward (no figuring out whether to cook the veggies first or last), and the food was delicious. The meals were also scalable; I could add a third plate by slightly increasing a few ingredients or adding another side. This proved helpful when my niece was home for dinner once per week, since I had only ordered meals for two people for most nights.

I started with three meals a week for two people, and it took a huge burden off my shoulders when it came to cooking meals. Hubby stepped in to help me one night early on, and we discovered that we actually enjoyed cooking these meals together. The instructions are so precise and well written that we can work together effortlessly without stepping on each other’s toes, and the time together in the kitchen has been a great way for us to unwind after work and share the stories of our day without unloading on each other. Now it’s a ritual to cook our HelloFresh together, and then we cook on other nights by turns (and we still do take out), so neither of us feels like the burden of meals is on one person’s shoulders. And because we plan our meals in advance (up to 6 weeks!), we've eliminated a lot of the planning and shopping time that used to bog me down.

HelloFresh is also eco-friendly.  According to their website, the carbon footprint of HelloFresh meals is 25% lower than meals cooked at home with store-bought groceries. Most of the packaging is recyclable, and everything is shipped “carbon-offset”. Oh, and there’s less food waste -- none of that buying a whole package of celery to make one meal only to have it go to waste in my fridge because I didn’t need it for anything else. If the recipe calls for two scallions, they send me two scallions, not a whole bunch.

Another great thing about this service is it is really easy to customize to my needs. I can increase or decrease my meals whenever I want. I can put them on hold, or even cancel them completely -- there are no commitments. These days we’re down to two meals a week for four people, having switched our plan to accommodate the revolving door of a niece, my mother, and a friend that have stayed with us the last two years. These meals for four run me about $80 plus tax, and it is totally worth the time and sanity it brought back to my life. My son, Steven, took me up on the offer of a free box early on, and he loved it so much, he’s been a subscriber for almost two years, too. He’s single, so he orders 3 meals for two people every week, which allows him to cook one night then have leftovers the next, all week long, so he only does one carry-out night a week. For a single person, that’s awesome! And even better, the simple instructions and great recipes have actually helped him learn to cook. Heck, even my husband and I, both highly experienced cooks, have learned a cool thing or two.

But really, my biggest take away from this experience has been this — time is money, and for someone who is self-employed like me, every minute I spend in the kitchen is time I’m not working on my business or doing something I truly love. My time is really valuable to me. If I can still eat healthy without spending more than I would spend on traditional meals, then I’m all for it. 

If you think you might be interested in trying HelloFresh (or one of the other meal delivery services), I encourage you to give it a try. HelloFresh offers a wide variety of meal options, including vegetarian, low-carb, and low-calorie foods, all for the same price, and you get to choose every single meal they send you.  You can also choose to up-level a meal or two for a set fee, but I’ve found the regular choices to be quite sufficient.

Have you tried HelloFresh or another meal service? Share your experience in the comments!
And if you’d like a recommendation or two, head on over to the Facebook group to continue the conversation!