Taking a Deeper Dive into Self-care

This week we are talking about all things self-care on the blog and podcast. This is a subject that I could just talk and talk or (write and write) on and on about. I hope you got to listen to the podcast on Wednesday; I think that it is one that anyone could benefit from. Many people think of self-care as pampering yourself with manicures, facials and beautification. It can be those things, if that is what you need, but it can be so much more if you are willing to take the deep dive inwards.  

One of my favorite categories of self-care is personal development or self improvement. When I think of personal development, I think of setting goals, educating myself, and holding myself up to a certain standard or personal expectation. In the practice of selecting a word of the year, I give myself a goal to develop myself within the construct of the multiple definitions of that word. My objective for my word is for it to elevate my life in those areas. 

In keeping with the idea that the word is intended as a self-care tool, I recommend choosing a word that is unstinting. Any practice of self-development that does not uplift you is not good self-care. Pay attention to the programs, videos, tips and advice floating around out there on the internet. If it is not designed to nurture you, it could be harmful to your self worth. You may be choosing a program that encourages you to look inward with feelings of self doubt, shame, or feelings of failure to accomplish.

The past few years, I have picked words with my One Little Word project that encouraged me to change my behavior, reprogram some of my less favorable habits, and work hard to improve myself. This year, however, I wanted to choose a word that allowed me to pamper myself, rather than challenge my boundaries. I found that last year and the years before, I was inadvertently using my word to beat myself up about something that I was not. For example, I chose the word change in 2018. That year, I did encounter many changes in my life. Ultimately, I was disappointed when I came out at the end of the year as the same person, and I shouldn't have felt that way. Another fellow One Little Word participant mentioned that these types of words are abusive words, and I can agree! If someone else was telling me to be this word change, I would not appreciate their advice and I would be hurt that they would insist on me changing who I was. If they encouraged me to adapt, evolve, flex, modify or adjust, I might take their advice with a little hopefulness, instead of begrudging them.

With that being said, and all my resentment over my word Rise in 2022, I came to a quick and easy determination – I wanted a fun word this year! For 2023, I specifically chose a word that I believe encourages me to go easier on myself. I selected Enjoy this year as it has many facets, and I can incorporate it within many focal areas of my life: home, work, family, friends, and physical health, to name a few. I would like to think that Enjoy is an easy-going, fun word, but there is also room within the word to work on my mindset.

I am sure that you all are familiar with our segments on the podcast in which we reviewed Eckart Tolle’s “A New Earth”. One of the major takeaways for me was living in the now, and not letting my inner voice be overly concerned with what I could be doing instead of what I was actually doing. For example, sometimes I will be at work, knee deep in a special project and my mind will wander off into something else that I have going on at home. I work from home, so this can be a major distraction for me. I find my mind pulling towards anything and everything that is not the task at hand. I understand now that it is my ego deflecting and me not being fully present and accepting what I am working on. My mind is trying to focus on something else because I am not happy doing the task at hand. I know that not every single second of my day at work, for example, is going to be amazing and fun. That is just the reality of the job, however I can do what I am doing to my best ability and focus on what I do enjoy about the task. One of my least favorite things to do is review calls for my employees. I listen to the recorded call and then provide detailed feedback regarding their call. The act of listening to the call is tedious and sometimes boring. What I do enjoy about my job though, is helping people. I remind myself that by reviewing the calls and providing feedback, I am helping people and doing something that I love. This is already helping me by reminding me that it is a labor of love, just as someone who loves to ride horses and care for them might not like shoveling poop in the stalls, but they do it anyway. 

I want to curate the things in my life that I enjoy, not just with work, but my leisure time as well. I have been working in excess for the past 5 months, and I am in desperate need to dial it back. I am looking forward to honing in on what I truly love, spending more time with myself and by myself. I am excited to spend more dedicated time on my hobbies. This much needed rest, rejuvenation and introspective time is fully in alignment with self-care. 

Have you picked out your word of the year? Have you ever considered if any of your goals or word of the year were abusive, unrealistic, or counterintuitive, leaving you feeling unaccomplished? If so, I encourage you to take a more gentler approach and give yourself some grace this year. We have gone through so much, and we all need a little pampering on the inside and outside every now and then.

Happy New Year!

 

Happy New Year, readers, listeners, friends, family, and anyone else who happens to stumble across this blog! I think I speak for all of us when I say, “I hope 2023 will be better than 2022, and that all the blessings, luck, fortune, and opportunities will come to all of us.” We need it.

Last Sunday, I was reflecting on everything that had come to pass in 2022. I was wrapping up my One Little Word and PowerSheets projects in anticipation of starting a new One Little Word and goal-setting system for 2023. As I read through my workbooks, rereading all the journaling, reflections, poetry, and quotes I had written and collected, I kept running across little nuggets of wisdom and insight that showed me just how much I have changed and grown in the last 12 months, and I found so much I wanted to share, that I thought I would offer some of it here as a sort of recap of our year together.

Those who’ve been reading and listening to Modern Musings all year probably know that it has been challenging for me. After caring for and losing a dear friend to cancer in January, I had thought the worst was behind us and I was on track to my best year ever. But then, in July, my husband, Mark, was diagnosed with lung cancer, and the tribulations continued to mount. Around the same time, Mark also lost his job of more than 20 years. All the while, I was still struggling to rebuild my little travel agency, and hoping to turn a part-time hobby for fun money into a full-time, bring home the bacon cash cow. And lest I forget, I need to mention my mother, who has Frontotemporal Dementia and who needs to move to a Medicaid skilled nursing home before she runs out of money.

All this to say, “Whew! It’s been a lot!” And I have been quite remiss in sharing with you any sort of progress with my goals or my One Little Word since we first introduced the concept on our podcast in late 2021. Amber, Christen, and I chose words for 2022 that reflected the goals we wanted to achieve in the coming year. We talked about “why”, and even mentioned a number of ways “how” we develop our words, but we never came back to share progress or results. For that reason, I have created this flip-through video to share my personal journey with my word, “now”, which was inspired by my reading of Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth.”

I know you can’t see all the detail in the journal, but I hope this video will help you see the merits of doing your own One Little Word project, whether it’s through Ali Edward’s workshop or even just working on your own. I do feel like it has been a life-changing experience for me, and I highly encourage everyone to give it a try. If you’re still on the fence, here is a recording of Ali Edwards in a Zoom with her instructional team as they discuss choosing their word.

I announced my word back in December, but I actually chose it much earlier than that. After the challenges of 2022, I thought it might be nice to choose something easy and fun. My word for 2023 will be “Light”. What will yours be?

Projects in Progress - An Update

This week on the podcast, Christen asked us about our current projects, and we got into a lengthy discussion about what we’ve been working on, unfinished projects, and projects that we finally gave up on. I thought this would be a great opportunity to share some updates on several of the projects and topics we’ve covered since we began this podcast and blog last November. 

December Daily: I just posted an update on this project in August, but in case you missed it, yes, I am still obsessed, and yes, I did get up early on August 31 to order my kits. I got almost everything I wanted, but I was very disappointed that a set of stencils was already sold out by the time I added it to my box and checked out. Now it’s just a waiting game for November to arrive so I can start the classes that go along with all the fun supplies I bought, and I’ll probably also begin making a few foundation pages so I can just print photos and add some quick journaling once December finally comes. Until then, I can start sketching out a few ideas and I can get this craft room cleaned up so I have someplace to work! But that’s another project altogether….

One Little Word:  I’m still working on my OLW project. September’s prompt feels particularly difficult to me because it is a photo prompt, and I am having a hard time concentrating on how best to capture the prompt phrases with photography in a meaningful way. I don’t have time to get out the camera during the day when the lighting is right, and everything I’ve tried to capture so far has not done the job. I think part of the problem is that I just haven’t had the time to sit with my feelings and my camera, and so the photos I’ve taken have not been anything more than superficial and bland. In the meantime, I just keep taking pictures and hoping that when I come back to them at the end of the month, I will have captured the essence of the prompts and will be happy with them. I usually am, but it’s just so hard.

PowerSheets and Happy Planners:  December Daily isn’t the only project with product launches in the fall.  In the past few weeks, I’ve also scoped out the new planner I will be using for 2023 – this gorgeous disc-bound beauty from Happy Planner. I love that it is minimalistic with neutral colors so I can personalize it to my own tastes. I also love the hard cover, which makes it much more sturdy and portable than the traditional Happy Planners. 

The 2023 PowerSheets won’t launch until October 12, but coming up on October 1 is the quarterly refresh. I’ve been thinking a lot about what goals I will revise, drop, and adopt for this last quarter of 2022. I started the last quarter with most of the same goals I have been chasing since the start of the year and I was all geared up to blast through them with a surge of productivity and motivation, but before July was over, I received some news that had me changing my perspective. Suddenly, many of those goals were on hold or were not important at all, and other priorities took their place. Now, I’m taking a hard look at where I spend my time and what is really important to me, and I’m thinking a reboot might be in order.

Christmas Cards:  I have a confession…I did not send Christmas cards last year. Yes, we did an episode about cards, and I talked about how I send dozens of them every year, but when push came to shove, I just didn’t get mine done in time. Blame it on the time-consuming project of moving my mother out to a memory-care facility, moving our dear friend, Koy, in, tending to Koy’s medical and social needs, our bout with COVID in November, or even the remodeling project that that started in November and didn’t end until January, I just did not finish my cards. So here they still sit, waiting for me to finish them and send them out this year.  What I did do last year was to write a nice letter (with an apology for the lack of cards) and call it done. I also spent some time this summer reassessing the design of the cards to lessen the assembly time, and I picked up where I left off. This was a good thing, because I made a critical mistake when I cut one of the pieces, and I had to cut about 150 pieces over again. Needless to say, I am still working on the cards, bit by bit, and hope to have them finished in November.

Mindful Messages Journal:  I think I mentioned this on the podcast, but I’m not sure. Last year for Christmas, Amber gave me a deck of “Mindful Messages” oracle cards. This lovely deck features suggestive reminders to stay positive, grounded, and grateful while encouraging independence, authenticity, and individuality. I started the year by adding them to my daily card draw along with my tarot and oracle cards, and I quickly decided I wanted to use them as a jumping-off point for a little creative journaling each day. An A5 dot-grid journal made a perfect canvas for a little stamping, and I’ve tasked myself with journaling a positive and meaningful affirmation every day, illustrated by a stamped or hand-drawn image. The artwork is doubly useful: it helps cement the affirmation in my memory and mindset, and it is forcing me to use the thousands of stamps I’ve collected over the years, some of which have never been opened. When I can’t find a relevant stamp, I either piece an image together using multiple stamps, or I sketch an appropriate icon or symbol. It’s been a fun and creative challenge for me, and I often flip back through previous pages, further embedding the positive messages in my psyche. It truly is a win-win!

Cleaning and Organizing:  Yeah…no. The plan in January was to get my house back in order after all the renovations and the revolving door of housemates, but everything seems to have taken so much longer than I thought it would.  I finally got my curtains hung and my living and dining rooms pieced back together just in time for our recent Labor Day BBQ, but I still have a stack of artwork and photos that need to be hung in the spare bedroom, and my garage is still stacked waist-high with boxes. I ask for help, and I get crickets. On top of this, my craft room/office/studio is still overrun by boxes of my mother’s mementos that need to be sorted, cleaned, and…well, I’m not sure what I’m going to do with all of it. This “organization” project (or projects) is going to have to stay on hold until I finish my most pressing project – my taxes. More on that later….

Weight Loss:  Okay, so here’s one project that has been going pretty well. I’ve talked about my struggles with weight loss, diabetes, arthritis, and my busy schedule. I may have even mentioned my extreme dislike for exercise or anything that causes sweat, but did I tell you about my love-hate relationship with medication? On the one hand, there are some pretty fantastic medications that help me with my blood sugar, but on the other, they are very, very expensive. Many medications cause a plethora of side effects that are miserable enough to make The Hulk cry. One such drug had the horrible side effect of causing severe edema in my legs and feet, and the drug itself was so ineffective (but cheap!) that it didn’t even really work. I wound up gaining 35 pounds that immediately started to drop off again once I changed medications, albeit very slowly.  I’m still 12 pounds over where I was this time last year, but it is coming off. Still, it’s very frustrating to see your hard work go to naught, and to have the medicine that is supposed to make you better actually make you worse. All in all, I am very fortunate to have settled on a drug cocktail that is working well, with (mostly) tolerable side effects, and although I am going to have to get more diligent if I’m going to meet my year-end weight loss goal, I could still do it.

Unfinished Craft Projects:  This topic ties into so many episode topics that we’ve already covered…self-care, balancing home and work, motivation…the list could go on and on. I have a craft room full of unfinished projects, many of which I still want to tackle if I could only do a better job of managing my time. I keep telling myself, “If I could just finish…” then I would have time for…but I’m not sure that’s even true. Things, tasks, responsibilities, people, and problems always seem to have a way of appearing at the most inopportune time – it never ends. And while everyone agrees that self-care is important, it does not pay the bills, wash the laundry, or write that business proposal, so most of the time, that self-care or downtime (or whatever you want to call it) has to wait. I did manage to sneak in some mindless diamond painting while I edited podcasts, finishing a piece I started at Christmas last year, and I have almost finished binding a table runner I started about 18 months ago. I’ve also been trying very hard to catch up on (or at least not get further behind with) my weekly Project Life photo album. I’m going to have to start working a little faster if I’m going to get caught up by the end of the year.

Travel Business:  After a nearly two-year hiatus due to COVID, my cruise business is finally picking up again. Last month, I signed on with the GreenMan Studios in Southlake to organize a holistic cruise, and I’m working with a couple of scholastic groups for scholarship fundraiser cruises. Families are starting to want to travel more, too, so I’m staying pretty busy. I’m not complaining because this is the kind of work I love to do, and I’ve been missing it. Still, it’s hard to get back into the swing of things, and with so many other projects demanding my time, I’m worried about what might have to take a backseat. You can bet it won’t be something I want to pass off to someone else or just drop altogether. It will likely be one of those fun creative projects I’ve been looking forward to finishing up. Oh well….

Bookkeeping and Taxes:  I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate this right now. Do you get that I hate it? Normally, this would not be a big deal, but when my mother moved in with us in January 2020, I was just getting ready to sit down and dig into my 2019 taxes. I kept trying to work on them, but she was such a distraction, and then COVID happened. Not only was I incapable of working on the 2019 taxes, but the 2020 weekly bookkeeping fell woefully behind, and I didn’t get 2019 finished until my extension expired in the fall. Then I started in on the 2020 bookkeeping but still had the same problems…there were too many people in my house, too much noise, too many distractions, and I just got further and further behind. I finished the 2020 bookkeeping just in time to file my taxes in October (thank GOD for extensions!), and then I started on 2021. That’s where I am now. I don’t have all the same people in the house, but the distractions are still there…cleaning up and restoring order after the renovations, medical appointments, more medical appointments, friends, family, and now it looks like I might need to move Mom again in the next few months. I’m currently adding the July receipts into my accounting software, and I think I have about two weeks to get it all wrapped up so the accountant can get it sent off to the IRS in time. It takes a full 12-hour day of work with no distractions to do one month’s worth of bookkeeping. I have no idea how I will get it done.

So that’s the basics of all the projects I’m working on right now. There are probably a ton of little things I forgot, but I think you can see the bigger picture…I’ve got my hands in a lot of different pies. Some are golden and delicious, and some are pure mud, but I guess that’s the essence of life anyway, isn’t it? We have a lot of stuff we must do in order to afford the stuff we want to do, or maybe just so we can appreciate the stuff we really enjoy. In the end, it’s all just stuff and it is what we make of it.

Are you as busy as I am? Do you have a lot of projects in progress? Are there projects you hate but you still have to do them? Tell us about it in the comments, or start a conversation on the MMC Chat Facebook group.

 

My Secret Superpower

This week on the podcast, Christen asked the question, “What would be your superpower?” I had a few answers that I thought would be handy skills, but, in the end, we seemed to find some reason why all of them might be a bit dangerous. As we discussed, there’s always the potential for someone to exploit those powers and use them in nefarious ways, and even if you only meant to do good, there is still the chance that interference with the “natural order” of things could have dire consequences. It’s a lot to think about, and I’m not sure I have the brain capacity right now to care. I’ve had an extremely difficult time dealing with some personal issues these past few weeks (more on that at a later date), and I would rather spend this time focusing on the one superpower that we all have – the power of positivity.

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all the luck? How someone could be at the end of their rope and then, suddenly, some crazy twist of fate spins things around and they are back on top again? Rhonda Byrne believes she knows the secret. In her 2006 movie, “The Secret”, Byrne tells readers about The Law of Attraction, a philosophical belief that whatever you think, whether positive or negative, that is what will come into your life. I sat down to watch the movie a few months ago as part of a One Little Word prompt, and I was inspired to begin working on manifesting some of that positivity in my own life.

The concept is nothing new. As I read Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”, he told readers again and again that negative thoughts are born by the ego.  Destroy the ego, and you are left with gratitude. Gratitude is merely acknowledging the abundance that is already in your life. “Abundance comes only to those who already have it,” Tolle writes, going on to quote Jesus who said, “Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.” (Mark 4:25) Jesus also said, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” (Mark 11:24)

To bring this abundance into my life, I started with scripting, which is basically just writing down the things you want to happen as though they already have, but only in the most positive terms. Have you ever been prompted to write a letter from your future self touting all the good things in your life that have come to pass? That’s scripting. I’ve been asked to do it countless times by high school and college English teachers, and even by trainers and life coaches, but I never gave it much thought. This time, however, I set out with sincere intentions to manifest some good in my life; I thought long and hard about what I would write and exactly how I would write it. It was a long process that first time, lengthened a bit by my decision to fashion an attractive scripting journal out of a boring composition book.

I took a cue from Christen, starting my scripting journal by first setting out my intentions for the book. If my words were going to be a vehicle for change in my life, I needed to make sure they did no harm. I also wrote my scripts from a perspective of gratitude and belief. If I believe the things I write will come to pass, then I should be grateful for them. I was also very specific about the things I wanted to manifest, and I tried to make sure I touched on every aspect of my life, including health, finances, family, friends, career, and marriage. I’ve added to the journal periodically, sometimes pasting in a graphic, other times writing out my ideal daily schedule, or even listing out my goals for the month as a “win list” as though I had already accomplished them. 

I must say, I think scripting has worked. I’ve made tremendous progress toward my goals, and I’ve felt quite empowered by my new sense of self-confidence and positive attitude. This new attitude has helped me stay rooted in my power word for this year, “now”, and has been especially helpful in dealing with the unexpected personal upheaval I mentioned earlier. Where before, I might have spent this time looking at all the negative consequences of these changes or wasting time feeling sorry for myself, I am now catching myself in those negative thoughts and “flipping the script”. I try to focus on maintaining a positive attitude and acceptance of what “is”, while also looking at the lessons I can learn and realizing that while I may not be able to control everything, I can certainly control how I react to it. And while I did shed more than just a few tears, I’ve been able to stay rooted in the present and have not devolved into self-pity, anger, or anguish. It is what it is, and earlier today, when I reviewed those previous scripts I wrote, I realized that every single one of them was still possible. That gives me hope, and hope is a product of positive thinking. If that’s not a superpower, I don’t know what is.

Have you tried scripting? Do you believe in the power of positive thinking? I’d love to hear about your experience. Comment below, or join the conversation over on the MMC Chat Facebook group.

 

Why Am I Stuck?

If you have been keeping up with the blog, then you will already know several things about me. I am a new mom to a soon-to-be 12-year-old, a career woman who works from home, a blogger, a podcaster, an entrepreneur, and I’m recently married too! So, if I were to tell you that our blogs are in a rotation, that we take turns, that it was all organized, carefully plotted out, and scheduled into a calendar, you probably wouldn't even bat an eye right? I have a lot going on sometimes, and although I am a creature of habit, I have a hard time sticking to my own schedule. Have I ever been late? Absolutely! 

I find that I usually am running late or behind because I lack motivation, drive, or the spark that will get me moving. That applies to anything from getting out of bed in the morning to completing a challenging project. I am a procrastinator by nature, and I will wait until the last minute to start a project. Doing so usually backfires, but I still continue with this unpleasant behavior. 

I have learned my lesson, though, and have tried many methods to create better habits, but have not found anything that has stuck with me for long. This year, I have been working in the  Cultivate What Matters PowerSheetsⓇ Goal Book, Ali Edwards One Little WordⓇ, and I use a Happy Planner from Me and My Big Ideas, as well as a Rocketbook planner. I have set S.M.A.R.T. goals and even have accountability partners. There are so many tools out there to help dream up an idea and turn it into a reality, but I struggle with the physical act of actually doing the smaller tasks. 

Using S.M.A.R.T. goals and tending lists with Cultivate What Matters, I can turn a project into smaller action items. The idea is that when you start a project, you break it down into smaller chunks that you can knock out easily and get the motivation needed to keep going because you can see and feel the progress. Celebrating the small victories is important, because you can look back at each accomplishment, celebrate a little, and then continue to move forward. That's why S.M.A.R.T. goals need to be measurable, that way you can see your progress as you go along. 

When it comes to writing my weekly blog post for Modern Musings, I have a hard time getting myself started and completing on time. I have a set deadline; my S.M.A.R.T. goal is set and easily obtainable. There is accountability – my counterparts depend on me to complete my work on time. It is so routine now, that it has become a weekly activity for me. I may have an idea already in my mind for what I want to write about, but I will find ways to procrastinate and push it off onto another day so that I have to hyper focus at the last minute to complete my writing. I have tried methods to keep me motivated, like changing my writing environment, creating fun incentives when the task is completed, Making myself write it all at once, and only writing a little at a time. Nothing has seemed to make a lasting impression, and so I am still in search of ways to motivate myself. 

What do you do when desire and necessity are not enough to get you moving? I would love to hear what your methods are in the comments below, and be sure to listen to the podcast on Wednesday as each of us discuss our struggles and share the methods and tips that have helped keep us motivated when we struggle to stay focused and finish difficult or daunting tasks. 

My Struggle with Poetry

 I have always struggled with poetry. I understand that the words are chosen specifically to get a point across, and that people have been crafting meaningful messages with poetry over the centuries. I respect it, I just don’t grasp it, therefore making it hard to enjoy. The funny thing is that I have tried and tried over the years to immerse myself in poetry and have yet to succeed. When I read poetry, the message goes over my head or does not hold the same meaning as the poet intends. I have read critiques and dissections of poetry, and I often find myself scratching my head, wondering how they got to that conclusion, or why the poet chose to go in the direction that they did.

I can see where some people might feel the same way about art. You might look at a painting and wonder “what the heck was the artist thinking?” or “what were they trying to convey?” and “is there a hidden message or purpose?” I get that; I can look at a painting and see the dramatic emotion. Although I cannot say that I understand all art (that would be absurd), I can say that it speaks a language that my mind can interpret. Poetry on the other hand…I have to focus and try really hard. 

I am constantly trying to stretch my creative abilities. I think about my skills as if they were muscles, training in a gym and getting buff. As I mentioned, I have tried to understand poetry - I sometimes beat myself up about my inability to comprehend a poem. I have tried reading as well as writing and have found that it is easier for me to write a poem than to read one. Knowing that my poem is just for me, and no one else, makes it easier for me. I’m not trying to write a manual or a recipe, I can use an allusion that makes sense only to me. I am the only one who needs to understand it.

Just like with painting or other forms of art, most of the time, the starting off point is the place where people get stuck when it comes to creating. That first stroke of the paintbrush, or finding the subject matter of interest to photograph can be the one thing holding someone back from creating a masterpiece. I was lucky that in the month of March, there was a poetry prompt for my One Little Word® project with Ali Edwards that I have been working on. If you are not familiar with that, I encourage you to check out my previous posts and our podcast on the topic. I don’t want to give away the prompt as it is a class that you have to be subscribed to, but I think it would be ok to just give you an idea of the lesson. 

The lesson for the month is to have a conversation with your word of the year. This activity anthropomorphized my word by giving it a human reaction. I sat down and answered the instructor’s writing prompts such as “how I am feeling”, and then in turn my word, RISE, responded back accordingly. It took a while for my word of the year to take shape, but once I was done I found that my responses were on one end of the emotional spectrum and my “word’s” responses were on the other end. I ended it up with a poem with two parts. The first part is set at a time of day when I - seem to struggle the most – the mornings. I express how I am impacted by my mental state. My word Rise picks up in the second part, sending me encouraging words to lift me up. I was really surprised that my melancholy response was answered by something so uplifting. 

RISE

I’m sitting, pondering my next move. 

Ideas roll around as to what I should do, 

Want to do, need to do, can’t do, afraid to do. 

My body aches, tired, overwhelmed and uninspired.

Physical pain manifests. 

The breaker switch blows a fuse. 

Nothing’s getting done now. 

Escape is necessary – fight or flight always becomes flight or flight. 

A light inside me is still glowing.

Burning warm enough to feel it, 

It does not scorch, 

It urges and guides my way. 

To flip the switch.  

The comforts of my inner hiding space no longer seen as a place of enjoyment, 

But a crutch, addiction, self imprisonment. 

For a short moment, I want them.

But I know that there is something better

Enlightened

Light from within

When I RISE.

I felt that my poem needed more than just words on paper. As I am custom to do with any of my journaling, I added collage and photography together to create something visual. I enjoyed exploring the words, getting to feel them deeply, and finding words that resonated with my emotions regarding my word. Being more present with my word allowed me to put truth to it, and choosing the right words helped me understand myself more. 

As for my next poetry plans, in light of my comparison to art, I thought it would be fun for me to take art work that I have seen in the past, and write a poem about them. I am excited to see where that takes me. I was thinking of the fur cup, Object by Méret Oppenheim, that drives me up the walls. Have you dabbled in poetry in any form? I would love to hear what you think!

Writing My Own Poetry

Hi! It’s Cindy again, and I’m celebrating our week of poetry with a few poems I have written for my One Little Word projects. I was very excited about the prospect of writing poetry for my OLW because I am a writer at heart. I’m sure that desire must have been put in my head by The Beatles’ “Paperback Writer,” and I remember writing poetry and short stories for fun as early as the fifth grade. There was a time when I seriously wanted to be a novelist. The love of creative writing has stayed with me my entire life, and I happily journal long stories in my scrapbooks and other projects.

The first two poems I’m sharing today are from last fall when my word was “Explore.” I was so excited to write poetry, I actually went off prompt to create one on my own just to test out my prowess. The second poem uses the “Mad-Lib”-style fill-in-the-blank format suggested by Liz, the instructor for that month. I will say that the first was much easier to write than the second, because I started with no specific format or intentions, but simply let my mind go where it must. The fill-in-the-blank format was much more challenging, because the questions and blanks didn’t really seem to go with my word, so it wasn’t until I deconstructed the worksheet and reassembled the lines in a different order that I was able to make the poem make sense. Overall, I’m quite delighted by the results, and it was a fun challenge, so I thought I’d share both poems with you, as well as a similar worksheet so you can make your own poem like this.

The Girl

She’s still there, the young girl,

Traumatized by poverty…abuse…neglect.

Longing for love, looking for acceptance.

Desperate…anxious…alone.

Always trying to be seen,

To be heard…to be valued.

Never knowing who to trust. Is it real?

Afraid, afraid, afraid

Of being let down…disappointed…

Abandoned yet again.

So many mistakes.

Unwilling to change it

For fear of losing the good.

Forgiving, but wary.

Tired, but energized.

Going, going, going

Moving…searching…exploring.

Damaged and yet so resilient,

So optimistic…so hopeful.

Working…waiting,

And trying, trying, trying

To build the life

She thinks she deserves.

I AM

I am a map unfurled,

Open, inviting, and calling

To the adventurer in my soul.

I hold the weight of the world

And the hope

For a better tomorrow.

I am crafting beautiful moments,

Laughing with my family

Until my sides hurt,

And planning more joy

In our everyday lives.

I reach toward the sunlight

Glinting through the trees,

The carefree splashing of the river

As it wanders through the canyon,

And the peaceful solitude

Of being here…now.

I am hopeful and afraid.

I hold cherished memories

Of friends and family,

Realizing that now

Is all that truly exists

And that the purpose

I am searching for

Is already in me.

And I am learning

How to understand myself.

This year, we once again have a poetry prompt, but for this one, we are being called to hold a conversation with our word and then use a worksheet questionnaire to grow the “bones” of our poem. I really enjoyed this process because it pushes me into a different way of looking at my word and a different approach to the poem I wrote.  Here is the one I wrote this year:

Reach

 

In the pitch-black dark of my soul,

I sit…

Alone with my thoughts,

Crowded

By all the tasks I cannot finish,

All the things I cannot do.

Haunted by the spectres of my past,

The ghosts that have kept me silent,

Boxed in,

Oppressed,

Controlled.

Dampening my light

And keeping me frozen

In this safe place.

Unmoving.

Somewhere out of reach

In the dark

Are all the things I want.

I try to reach for them,

But the way is treacherous.

“Look for the joy,”

A voice whispers beside me.

“There is joy in everything,

Even in this dark.

Embrace this moment,

Feel the life that is here

All around you.

Trust that you are 

Exactly where

You are supposed to be,

And that whatever happens

Is supposed to happen.

Be here – now.

Because now is all there is.

There is only now.

Relax and let your light shine.

Let it light up

Everything around you.

No one has the power to control you.

No one can silence your cry.

Everything you need to heal

Is already inside you.

And everything you desire

Is within your reach.

Reach.”

I encourage you to give this style of poetry writing a try. It’s much easier than you think and I know you’ll be surprised at the outcome. To get you started, I have created a fill-in-the-blank worksheet similar to the one I used to write last year’s “I Am” poem. Give it a try and share your results on our MMC Chat group. I’d love to see what you wrote!