Screaming in my Car and Other Nonsense

Sometimes I scream in my car. Everyone does it. Especially, in Dallas traffic on days that you just want to get home at a decent time and others are on their cell phone or in la-la land not paying attention to what they are doing. However, I am usually screaming at life’s frustrations.

I have a friend going through a rough patch in her life right now. This thought popped up one night when she was venting her frustrations and she asked me, “Do you ever just yell at yourself?” It took me a minute to realize it, but I do. I yell at myself quite often, usually in the car, and I told her this. She thought that it was uncommon to do so. I said that it wasn’t. We need to get the pent-up demons out. If screaming in your car helps, I am all for it.

Another thing that I do when I am going through enormous emotions that need to be released from my mind is write poetry. When I write poetry, it is like a scream or a catharsis of emotions tumbling out of my brain and onto paper (or the notepad on my phone). To me, the process of writing poetry has always been a visceral experience. I don’t think when I write it; I only feel. Sometimes I will go back and move lines around and add words so that the poem makes sense, but I don’t plan out a poem when I am writing it. I let raw emotion take over. When I am screaming in my car, it is the same experience. I need to let it out. It is my own form of shadow work.

This week on the podcast, we delved deep into the thought process of shadow work. What is shadow work? Shadow work is working with your unconscious mind to uncover the parts of yourself that you repress and hide from yourself. Or, your “shadow.” The shadow archetype, according to Carl Jung, exists as a “part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts, and shortcomings. The shadow forms out of our attempts to adapt to cultural norms and expectations.”

In other words, it is not culturally acceptable to go out in public and scream until you cannot scream anymore or go to a public place and just start throwing chairs (which may or may not be something I think about often). No, we compartmentalize our baser instincts into a shadow. Jung’s Collective Unconscious, or archetypes, are how I saw my own brain before I ever took a psychology class in college and learned about them. I called these pieces of my mind “compartments” where I stored experiences and information. I even wrote a poem when I was younger that perfectly described the shadow.

Why should we work on this shadow? Shadow work and understanding your inner darkness are crucial for your personal development and your mental health, but it can only happen when you are ready and willing to face that part of yourself. Trust me, I know. I ran from my shadow and my trauma for years and I’m only now scratching the surface of my inner psyche. In early 2021, I began seeing a counselor and it was the first time I had seen one in almost twenty years. I had many things to work out and I am still working them out. I needed help and admitting it was a great first step in conquering my inner demons. Do you have to go to counseling to participate in shadow work? No, I had been journaling and writing poetry for years, but sometimes we get overwhelmed and need extra help. Shadow work is not easy or fun. It will require you to look at the innermost workings of yourself that you have been compartmentalizing. I am still working on my shadow daily and it is a slow process to work out.

I would like to hear from our readers. Are you participating in shadow work? Do you have any tips and tricks? Let’s continue the conversation below.

If you would like to know more about shadow work and access some journal prompts to begin the process of healing, check out this article from Better Up.

What's in a Shadow?

 

I hope you were able to join us yesterday for our podcast about Shadow Work. I really enjoyed that discussion, because it is a topic that is very interesting to me. I have long believed that our beliefs and actions are influenced by our past, both good and bad, whether we are aware of those influences or not. Whereas some may point to a person and say that something is a “choice”, I say it is not so simple, and, therefore, not necessarily always a “choice” but rather, a consequence.

Take for instance a tree. Many things affect the growth of a tree: sunlight, soil, rain, temperature…the list goes on. While it is in the nature of a tree to grow straight and tall, any one of those influences can change the way a tree grows. If the tree doesn’t get enough sun, it may not be able to use the chlorophyll to achieve photosynthesis, the process of creating the carbohydrates that feed the plant. Insufficient rain will cause the plant to stall growth in an effort to conserve water to stay alive, or even to wither and die. Too much rain can distress a plant or even wash away the soil that surrounds the roots. If it gets too much rain over long periods of time, it can cause it to put out roots that are too shallow, thus leaving it vulnerable to wind and further erosion. Soil that doesn’t have the right nutrients won’t feed the plant, and if it is the wrong consistency, it may not be able to provide the right footing, retain needed water, or allow the plant to root effectively.

From these examples, it is easy to see how a change in the quality of any of these areas can dramatically affect a tree, and this is why every tree is different from every other tree. Even two trees grown from the same parent plant, growing side-by-side, can have very different life experiences and thus turn out to be two very different-looking trees. If no two oak trees look the same or need the same amount of water or nutrients, etc., then how much more so can environmental differences and past trauma affect humans – the most complicated and complex organism on our planet?

Our “shadow”, the deeply buried parts of our psyche, is created to protect us. It is the blister that builds on our heel to protect us from the rubbing of an ill-fitting shoe and the calluses on our hands from long hours of physical labor. It is a part of us. We can’t just pretend it’s not there, and we can’t feel anything that touches it without feeling the blister or callus itself. Neither pain nor numbness. It changes how we walk, how we grip things, and what choice of shoes we make the next day. It might make us want to wear gloves or quit a rough job altogether. Emotional damage is no different. Trauma, no matter how severe, leaves scars – scars that change how we feel, how we think, what we say, who we love, what we fear, and what we choose.

I know a great number of people who believe that everything is a choice. They hold the idea that poor behavior is a weakness, and that to overcome said weakness, one must only make a different choice. For example, an alcoholic has only to choose not to drink, or someone who gets their feelings hurt easily needs only to “buck up, buttercup.” If someone gives an example of why they make a poor choice, or why they behave a certain way, this faction claims they are “just making excuses”, blaming someone else for their own mistakes, thus dismissing any impact that environment or trauma may have on a person’s behavior. I think that’s like saying the tree will grow exactly thus, regardless of the amount of sun, wind, or rain. It’s just not realistic. Some people are conditioned to think and behave in certain ways – it’s the simple rule of cause and effect. Yes, people can make a choice to behave a certain way, but in order to do so, the person must have enough awareness and cognition in the moment to realize there even is a choice, and then they must have enough self-control to act on that awareness. Not an easy thing in the heat of the moment.

Do I think seeing things in this light is a valid excuse for “bad behavior”? Not in the least. It is a reason, nothing more. I believe it is up to each and every one of us to become aware of our shadow self…that hidden part of us that makes us behave a certain way…and integrate it into our full psyche – to let it influence us, but not control us. To bring that shadow into the light, so to speak. It’s not an easy task, but then, real growth never is. 

As I mentioned in the podcast, I have found that journaling is an effective way to work through some of those shadow thoughts. Working with a therapist has helped, too. And after mentioning it in the podcast, I decided to look further into creating a genogram of my own. Maybe it will help me recognize some of the patterns and unhealthy traits in my family history. At the very least, it will give me lots of material to journal about.

What do you think about shadow work? Have you tried it? Have you made a genogram of your own? Or do you think we should stop looking for reasons behind our behaviors and simply learn to do better? I’d like to hear about it.  Comment below or join us on our Facebook chat group, MMC Chat.

My Awakening: A Journey Through Shadow Work

Have you heard the term shadow work thrown around the internet lately? I know that I had never heard of it until some time in 2020 when a video suggestion popped up on my YouTube recommendations. I thought that it sounded dark, mysterious, and up my alley so I clicked on it to see what it was all about. At first I thought it could be dark witchcraft… you know, working in the shadows, a less favorable type of witchcraft or even something to do with working with a book of shadows, also known as “grimoire” to some. 

Boy, was I wrong. It has nothing to do with witchcraft and everything to do with self healing and personal growth. I recommend that you check out the video by Christina Lopes, DPT, MPH, a fantastic YouTuber who posts regularly on the aforementioned subject matter. Since watching that particular video, I have dug a little deeper and done quite a bit of soul searching. I thought I would share some cliff notes on the subject. I encourage you to check out the podcast airing Wednesday this week because we go into detail on the subject and how we apply shadow work in our own lives.

What is the Shadow or Shadow Self?

• Phrase coined by Carl Jung, Psychologist

• Represents the unconscious parts of our personalities

• The ego does not acknowledge these character traits as part of itself

• Specific happenings in ones life during their youth imprint on the personality

• Characteristics that are deemed “bad” are rejected by the ego

• These characteristics and beliefs form the shadow

• Shadow form takes over when a person is triggered

• Triggers can be other peoples actions as well as an experience. 

Why should you care about your shadow?

• You are having a hard time changing a behavior, breaking an old pattern

• You are struggling to achieve a goal

• You are feeling stuck in life

• To improve your self worth 

• You have a bias toward other people, gender, races, religion etc.

• You might not like how your shadow reacts to certain triggers

• You see a shift in your mood and want to find out why

What is Shadow work:

• Identifying what those triggers are 

• Acknowledging the deep rooted programing

• Accepting the flaws and parts of you that are not “your best”

• Working with your personality vs. against it

What is a Dark Night of the Soul?

• From 16th Century Poem by Catholic, San Juan de la Cruz

• Oftentimes triggered by a sudden life change

• Opportunity for growth and change in your life

• A chance to evaluate your values and perspective

• A deep dive into your spiritual beliefs

• Those going through this may be awakening to a new perspective on life

• Not just one night, could take longer to pass through this phase

What is an Awakening?

• Increased awareness of oneself and others

• Becoming more aware of one's thoughts, feelings and actions

• Greater compassion for others 

• Seeing connections in life that you were oblivious to before

• Finding more purpose and meaning in one’s life 

What are some things to do during these times of change and deep introspective thought?

• Meditate

• Spend time outside in nature

• Journal

• Read up on subject matters that relate to your awakening

• Connect with others, seek counseling, therapy, or a trusted friend

• Seek out spiritual guidance

Have you ever had a spiritual awakening? Have you ever practiced shadow work? I have been working on my own shadow work, and even more so since I read Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. I have found it to be beneficial towards my personal development and also help me be a better leader, spouse, mother, daughter and friend. I am always looking forward to continuing my journey of growth and development. I hope that you can find this article useful in your own journey. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

How to Easily Become an Evil Villain with Superpowers

This week on the podcast we are discussing superpowers and which superpower we would like to have.  I want to preface this with the fact that each time we record a podcast, it is 100% organic and free flowing discussion. This conversation was a great example of how we might have an idea about how the topic will go, but then it takes a turn in another direction. We have fun and have good laughs for the most part on the podcast. Sometimes we do have some heart to hearts and get to the root of issues and emotions, too. This time, we thought the conversation would be lighthearted since we are talking about fictitious superpowers, but after the recording was over, we each felt that the conversation took a darker turn than we had anticipated.

I can say that I was probably the main reason for the pessimistic point of view. I tend to view scenarios from many points of view, and not just pessimistically. I am often a realist, but I can stretch the boundaries. I don’t really see myself as an optimistic person, even though many people tell me that I have a bubbly personality. I can understand the outcomes, but still hope for the best. I can get really dark sometimes though. I enjoy the macabre, dystopian, and surreal elements of society, fiction, and in our cultural diversity. 

After some thought on the discussion, I realized that I would not be a good person if I had a superpower. I may start off as sweet bubbly Christen, but I would inevitably use my powers for evil, or wrongdoing, even if that was not my intention. It is not that I find enjoyment in being evil, it just became very evident to me that having superpowers would allow me to use people for personal gain. 

My first thought was that it would be great to have a superpower where I could make people do my chores for me. Most of the superpowers that I wished to employ were ones that used people’s free will, or took their power from them. I had never thought of myself as evil or cruel, however, envisioning myself using obedience manipulation, whether it is for simple tasks like folding my laundry or something more sinister, is quite evil as it is a form of slavery. If you know me then you will understand that my vivid imagination is running wild and keeping me up at night in thoughts about this. Seeing that darker side of myself made me sick to my stomach, and I have been quite rattled by my revelation.  Why couldn’t I be simple and enjoy a superpower that allowed me to swim underwater, or change the color of fabric with touch of my finger? There is more to this that I would like to explore; some call it shadow work. That is where you delve deep into your psyche and deconstruct your negative thoughts (among other things). I think that we should venture into this discussion more at another time. 

My comfort has been knowing that I did recognize that tendency is wrong and I am able to learn from that. I can only imagine that someone who does not have the ability to look introspectively at themselves in that way would be susceptible to becoming an evil villain. Maybe my real superpower is knowing the difference between right and wrong and choosing to do the right thing.