Saying Yes to Big Change

Yesterday on the podcast we celebrated 50 episodes! We talked about our favorite episodes that we have recorded so far. One of my favorite episodes and blogs that I’ve written thus far on my Modern Musings journey has been our episode about Cups. In my blog, I wrote about how I refilled my cup with positive energy after years of tragedy.

One of the things I wrote about in my earlier blog was that I tried new things whether I felt comfortable or not, and I have continued that sentiment. When I was younger, I felt trapped. It wasn’t that I was physically trapped but mentally trapped by the things going on in my life. I felt like I couldn’t get out and do something because I had no money or I had people that I had to take care of, so I couldn’t spend time and effort on myself. I believed that I had to put myself last for many years. One of the scariest things that I’ve done is start over from scratch at the age of 37, and it has been an absolutely crazy but enjoyable ride since. Instead of saying “no,” I said “yes”, and my life needed more YES.

In the past two years, I have said “yes” to many things, and most of them have been positive (but not all of them). In my experience so far, saying “yes” to opportunities often leads to more significant possibilities. In the past year, I have said yes to two major events in my life: starting Modern Musings and marrying Jason.

Christen and I have been best friends for 20 years. In fact, we met 20 years ago in the college dorms and spent most of our college experiences together. In a sense, we “grew up” together. I had the privilege to be Matron of Honor at her wedding, and she will, in turn, be Matron of Honor at my wedding next year. Starting a podcast was just something that Christen and I played around with on our occasional girls’ night, but we weren’t sure how to get started. On a separate occasion, Christen had the very same talk with her mom, Cindy, and Modern Musings was born.

I live a very busy life as a teacher that spans all hours of the day, from getting parent phone calls in the middle of the night to emergency weekend Zoom meetings, so I wasn’t sure how I could fit anything extra into my life. It was rocky at first, especially when it came to writing these blogs. When my mom got sick, I gave up on my writing for many years. Once I developed a routine, writing became easier for me. When it became time for us to record our first episode, I was nervous. I never liked being put on the spot, and while I had natural conversations with people in real life, wearing recording equipment while having a conversation was daunting. I barely talked during our first few podcast episodes. Over time, it has become easier, but I still get nervous. Now, I look forward to recording our weekly podcasts.

Next week, Jason and I will be celebrating the one-year anniversary of his asking me to be his girlfriend officially. Just shy of our 11-month anniversary, he asked me to marry him on a dock looking over the ocean on our summer vacation in Gulf Shores, Alabama, and I said yes. We met each other in the spring of 2021 by chance and became friends. At the time, I was finalizing my divorce and wasn’t even thinking about my next relationship or marriage. Several months later, he asked me out on an official date, and I said, yes. He took me to a gastropub near my house, and we spent hours talking and laughing. The date went so well, he asked me on a second date and then a third date, and the rest is history. One of my students asked me recently why I chose Jason. I told him that I have never laughed as much as I do with Jason, I have never felt more relaxed or myself as I do with Jason, and I’ve never had as much fun as I do with Jason. Saying “yes” to Jason has opened my life up to new and exciting adventures, whether it is spending a great night cooking together, going on a day trip to different museums, or attending a baseball game. When we started dating a year ago, we agreed to have no bad days and we haven’t. Yes, we have our ups and downs, but we always end every day on a good note.

I want to hear from our readers. What is something in the past year that you’ve said “yes” to that has changed your life? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments or in our Facebook Group: MMC Chat.

Out With the Old

It’s the summer of 2014 and I’m standing in the house I grew up in amongst the trash and remnants of my childhood. I feel sadness about the years of neglect as the last of the boxes are hastily packed in a moving truck and carted off to storage. When does a bit of clutter turn into the tendency to hoard?

Hoarding is the difficulty of parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them. When we think of hoarding, we often think of the popular television show that airs on A&E. Those, of course, are extreme cases of hoarding. I never thought that it could run in my family. However, according to Psychiatry.org, hoarding does run in the family, and I fight my tendency to hoard constantly because I love to shop. That summer, my dad was downsizing from a three-bedroom house to a two-bedroom apartment, and I discovered that my parents kept everything. They never threw anything away. As I was going through 20-year-old bills and throwing away food that was years out of date, I thought to myself that I would never become a hoarder to this extent.

Boy, was I wrong!

At the time, my mom explained to me the sentimentality of 40 plus years of marriage, and how one just “collects” things over the years. Yeah, I got that, but I only had a few possessions that I could never get rid of. I will admit that I am a book hoarder; I’ve kept every book that I ever read, and carried every book (including a dictionary collection) with me every time I moved once I turned 18 – and I moved every two years. I couldn’t fathom hoarding bills and receipts as my mom had done. I regularly shredded my mail. I have never been a fan of clutter, but it was something I dealt with growing up. I always remembered our house being so full of things that it was oftentimes hard to walk through.

As an adult, I thought I was done with the clutter and the hoarding, but then I married a hoarder. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my ex-husband did little things that bothered me, like never throwing away trash, and it reminded me of my dad in the sense that he didn’t throw away trash either. They say women tend to marry their fathers, and I felt like I was always picking up after both of them. Throughout our relationship, my ex and I also began to pick up clutter and possessions. After we moved from a three-bedroom house to a two-bedroom, I realized that we had become hoarders. We kept everything that anyone had ever given us, and it was hard to neatly organize our living space.

When quarantine hit in 2020, I suddenly had to teach from home, and I found I had no space in which to even set up a desk. My ex-husband and I had so much stuff that we were navigating through little trails to get through our house and the piled-up boxes. Deja vu. After our separation, I made some SMART goals that would get me through 2021 and one of them was to get rid of the clutter.

Christen gave me some sage advice when I started the process. She quoted Marie Kondo, “look at everything and ask yourself, ‘does this make me happy?’” So, I did. It took me three months and about 10 trips to the thrift store to downsize my life after my divorce. I went through every possession I owned and considered whether it made me happy. When I was done, I no longer felt like a hoarder. I felt great…accomplished.

So, why does getting rid of stuff feel so good?

According to the article “Why Getting Rid of Stuff Feels So Good” by Shifrah Combiths, there are several reasons why getting rid of stuff makes us feel so good, but the reason that resonates with me the most is that “separating from the past can heal” and that is what I did. I hung on to so many things because there was a sentimental value attached to them. I didn’t want to get rid of certain things because “my mom gave it to me” or “my dad used it” at this certain time. But, I realized that possessions aren’t memories, and I can still keep the memories of my parents within me without keeping every single thing that they owned. That, in itself, was freeing.

So, whenever I tend to hoard or my house gets to the point where the clutter is out of control, I remember that moment I had eight years ago when I realized that there is such a thing as “too much.”

Are you a clutter bug? Are there things that you keep and you don’t know why? Let me know in the comments, and let’s continue the conversation in our Facebook Group.

You can find Marie Kondo’s website here.

Behind the Clock

This week on the podcast we are discussing The Luck of the Irish and the origin of the meaning. Years ago, while visiting Salt Lake City, I ended up at the Family History Library. I have always been interested in genealogy and it was something that my dad was interested in as well. He spent years studying family history. The library set me up with an account and got me started on what was soon to become an intensive family history project that I am still working on. One of the things I discovered about my last name over the years is the Gaelic translation meaning “rough fate.”

When I was younger I used to ask myself why I was so unlucky. It always seemed that when things/tasks seemed easier for one person, they seemed three times as hard for me to accomplish. I felt “behind the clock.” So to speak.

What is “behind the clock?” I always thought that there were three types of people:

1. Before the clock: The lucky ones. The ones that never seemed to have a “bad hair day”. The ones that were always praised for being gorgeous, having money, getting good grades without having to work too hard for them, etc. Life seemed to be easy for those people.
2. On-time: Those that lived a natural flow of life. They were never lucky or unlucky. They lived their life naturally and accepted the natural way of life.
3. Behind the clock: The chronically unlucky ones. The ones that were always late. The ones that things never seemed to go smoothly for. It seemed that they had to work extra hard in all aspects of life. These people were usually born poor or were constant victims of some hardship.

However, those were just surface-level thoughts. Life is never that simple and you have to get to know someone to be able to judge their circumstances. No one is consistently before or behind the clock. Not everyone is “on time” all the time. A lot of the time, people that seem to “have it all” are just projecting an illusion to the public because they don’t want an insight into what’s going on behind the scenes of their life. Nevertheless, I was jealous of what I perceived as “before the clock” people. I was too trapped in my misery to see past the surface.

Aside from all that, I wondered why am I so unlucky? For many years I kept a mental/running list of reasons why I thought I was unlucky:

• I was born a female: I am a child of the ’80s. I grew up with the perception of how females are supposed to be, and I was none of those things. I have always felt very masculine compared to conventional definitions of “female.” At the same time, I feel very “feminine” as well. I very much embrace both my masculine and feminine sides dually. But, when I was a child, men seemed to have it all and I thought it was unfortunate that I didn’t.
• I had some unfortunate genetics: I have always been overweight and from a genetics standpoint, I have always had to work extra hard to lose weight. Being “plus-size” growing up was hard. I had a lot of body issues, and I was bullied for being overweight not only by the kids in school but by my family members as well.
• My family was poor: Looking back, this was ironic to me because  I was bullied for being a “rich girl” because my grandparents had money even though my parents did not. I didn’t live in the best part of town and the house I grew up in wasn’t the biggest. We were poor and we struggled, but my mom always went to great lengths to make sure that no one realized it. I ate a lot of ramen noodles, cheap lunch meat, and spaghetti growing up because we didn’t have a lot of money. The poor nutrition just compounded my weight problem.
• I was socially awkward: This was a struggle I kept hidden struggled with. If you met me in person, you might question how I could struggle socially. My mother was the most social person anyone knew, and I was in every club/sport imaginable growing up how could I possibly be socially awkward? It is one of those things I was taught to overcome or hide. My natural tendency when I walk into a room is to avoid eye contact and hide in the corner so no one will notice or speak to me. My mom refused to let me give in to those tendencies. I was taught to speak first and look people in the eye. The eye contact thing still eludes me – being social and speaking to people is a constant struggle for me. As an adult, I was diagnosed with a mild form of autism which could explain my social struggles.
• Weird stuff always seemed to happen: I used to think the world was punishing me. For example, if I bought a shirt that I felt was expensive, I would accidentally catch it on something and ruin it the very next day, or if I wore white, I always spilled something on my shirt. If I got too attached to some object, I always ended up breaking it or losing it. The list could go on and on.

Rough fate.  Was it my last name? Fate is defined as the development of events beyond a person’s control. Fate and luck aren’t the same things. I could say that my last name is the reason that I’ve had to struggle in certain aspects of my life, but it isn’t. Just because one of my ancestors had a rough fate and the name was passed down for generations, that doesn’t mean that it’s my fate. 

Over the years, I’ve learned not to be so short-sighted. Those that seemed to “have it all” often really don’t. I learned that some of them thought that I “had it all” when I was barely keeping it together myself. As a society, we are too quick to judge and too short-sighted to see past our internal struggles. Why would anyone pick “rough fate” to be their last name? It’s just a reminder to live every day with intention. Once I got past blaming life circumstances on my struggles, I was able to begin living a happier, open-minded life that didn’t dwell on why things are wrong but focused on why things are right.

I want to hear from my readers. Have you ever felt “behind the clock?” Do you have any funny “behind the clock” stories? Let’s continue the conversation in our Facebook group: MMC Chat.

My favorite links for researching Genealogy:

Surname Database

Ancestry

Forebears

Literature, Magic, and Inspiration

Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed our podcast this week about oracle cards. I have to confess, I have never been much of an oracle reader. I have been reading tarot cards for 28 years. I bought my first deck at Waldenbooks, a now-defunct bookstore in the local mall. I grew up in rural Texas, and reading tarot cards was not something that someone advertised or talked about. In fact, I didn’t talk about my interest in the metaphysical or tarot cards until college when I discovered a fellow enthusiast in Christen. Fast forward 20 years and now we are doing a podcast together.

My first deck 

I didn't buy my first oracle deck until a little over a year ago. I had never really been interested in oracle decks in the past, however, I was hanging out with Christen and Cindy one night when Cindy’s friend, Christina, came over with her oracle cards. She took out her many decks and she explained what each deck meant. Then she proceeded to give me an oracle reading from her many decks. I became fascinated with the idea of the cards.

It took me a while to choose a deck. There are many different kinds of oracle decks and many different sizes. Then one day I ran across the book Literary Witches: A Celebration of Magical Women Writers and “The Literary Witches Oracle Deck” by Taisia Kitaiskaia and illustrated by Katy Horan. Being a writer and an English teacher, I knew that this was the deck I had been waiting for.

Literary Witches book and deck

The Literary Witches Oracle Deck celebrates 30 magical female authors such as Mary Shelley, Toni Morrison, and Flannery O’Connor through symbolism and spiritual insight. The cards are perfect for those who seek wisdom from strong, creative women. The deck, in other words, is a literature lover’s dream.

The deck features 70 cards, 30 of which represent the personality aspects of the female writers featured in the deck, and the other 40 cards contain symbolic objects from the authors’ works and the ideas they represent. 

My three favorite cards in the deck:

• Angela Carter, the Identity card: If you draw this card, it means you are probably having some form of an identity crisis. You need a better sense of who you are. Angela Carter’s writing is all about finding oneself even in the face of adversity and tragedy.

• Emily Dickinson, the Soul card: If you draw this card, it means that it is time for you to make a major life change and venture into the unknown. Emily Dickinson and her writing pushed against the conventions of her time and encouraged readers to think beyond the confines of their minds.

• Mary Shelley, the Loss card: If you draw this card, it means that you are probably dealing with something that is disrupting the cycle of life whether it is a birth, a death, or a major life transition. Mary Shelley suffered many losses in her life and it showed through her writing and her exploration of life through her novel Frankenstein.

How can you use an oracle deck? There are a few different ways that I like to use them:

1. Single card layout: Basically this is your “card of the day.” You should shuffle the deck and draw a card. This is your daily card and you should reflect on the meaning of the card throughout the day.

2. Three card layout: This is generally a “past, present, and future” card layout. When using this layout, you should ask the cards a specific question while shuffling to get a better reading on the past, present, and future of the situation. This is the reading that I usually do when I use my oracle deck.

3. During a tarot reading: You can use your oracle deck in conjunction with your tarot deck. Shuffle your deck and draw a single oracle card before or after your tarot reading. According to Biddy Tarot, you can use your oracle deck to understand the general or underlying theme of your reading.

Past Present Future Spread

Since buying my first oracle deck, I have since added two more to my collection, but my heart always goes to my Literary Witches and the wisdom they bring through their writings. What makes a witch a witch? The magic and inspiration inside them. One day, I hope to follow in their footsteps.

Do you have an interest in oracle or tarot cards? Please share your experiences in the comments below, or in our Facebook Group: MMC Chat.

I've linked the cards I mentioned in this article with our Amazon Affiliate account. As an Amazon Affiliate, Modern Musings earns from qualifying purchases.

Inspiration in the Classroom

This coming week’s topic is about Vision Boards and this year I've used a different variation of a vision board in my classroom to inspire my students to realize their SMART Goals.

Inspiration Board

Several weeks ago I wrote about using One Word and S.M.A.R.T. Goals in the classroom. At the beginning of the new year, I like to teach my students about goal-setting. Goals have always been very important to me. If we don’t set goals, how will we grow?

I always start by having my students write a letter to their future selves. In their letter, they must describe some goals that they have for the year and how they want to achieve them. I encourage them to dream big when they are coming up with their initial goals. When they are done, I ask them if their goals are SMART.

At this point, the students have given me a random selection of goals ranging from becoming the next great ballplayer to becoming rich enough to buy the things they want in life. Some have more practical goals like passing math class for the year or doing well on their upcoming state tests. Asking the students if their goals are SMART usually stumps them until I explain that SMART means “specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely.” Then I ask my students to make their goals more specific. 

For example, if their goal is to have money, I ask them how they can have more money. The answer is usually something along the lines of getting a job. After a series of questions (you can find them here), they are able to write a more accessible goal, such as finding a job by the end of May. Once they have written their goal, they can begin planning the steps that they need to take and measuring out how long it will take to achieve that goal.

Normally, I also have my students choose a focus word for the year and we discuss One Word. This year, I decided to do something different and inspire (my word) my students to find ways to inspire others. One way I did this was to have my students find inspirational quotes to match their SMART goals. Afterward, my students made quote posters displaying their favorite quotes from their research. In the hallway outside my classroom, I made a huge quote collage (or vision board) to inspire other classes as they pass my classroom. The students, themselves, also enjoy looking at their posters in the hallway and reading what inspires their classmates. All in all, it is a fun activity to start the year off with.

I want to hear from my readers about what inspires them. If you have a favorite quote please drop it in the comments below or continue the conversation here on our Facebook group.

SMART Goals for Everyone

This week on our podcast we are continuing our discussion about goals. Having goals, I think, is an important aspect of life. My goal setting and organizing can be attributed to my mother and my best friend Christen, who pushes me to broaden my goal horizons. I also believe goal setting is an important aspect of teaching and I try to convey that to my students as much as possible. 

I started implementing this in the classroom back when I taught seniors because I believe you have to have goals when you exit high school. I always tell the kids that goals and plans change. Most kids get overwhelmed because they think they have to know what they want RIGHT NOW but that’s not the case. In high school, I wanted to be a veterinarian. I loved (and still love) animals and science. However, as I took journalism and English classes in college, my plans changed and I knew I wanted to be a writer, and later an English teacher. So, what you want right now, will change as life experiences set in. 

At the beginning of the year, I ask the students to tell me what their future goals are and ask them how they plan to achieve them. Since I teach 8th and 9th graders, most of them don’t know how to set goals or have never been asked what their goals are at this age. There is a strategy called SMART goals that I like to teach my students every January after we pick our One Little Word for the year. 

What are SMART Goals?

SMART is an acronym that you can use to guide your goal setting. Its criteria are commonly attributed to Peter Drucker's Management by Objectives concept. The first known use of the term occurs in the November 1981 issue of Management Review by George T. Doran. Since then, Professor Robert S. Rubin (Saint Louis University) wrote about SMART in an article for The Society for Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Doran explained that SMART has come to mean different things to different people.

SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound

How can we use this?

(S)pecific

Write down a clear and SPECIFIC goal that you want to achieve. When thinking about this, answer the five “W” questions:

• What do I want to accomplish?
• Why is this important?
• Who is involved?
• Where is it located?
• When do I need this goal accomplished?

(M)easurable 

Your goal must have some data/statistics to track it. For example, you can use your PowerSheets to track your goals. You can make a goal-setting notebook. In my classes, students have goal charts glued in their class notebooks. Ask yourself these questions:

• How much?
• How many?
• How will I know when my goal is accomplished?

(A)chievable

Your goal must be achievable, for example, drink 44 ounces of water per day, or, n a student’s case, make an “A” in English class. Your goal should stretch your abilities but also be something that you can easily work toward. Ask yourself these questions:

• How can I accomplish this goal?
• How realistic is this goal?

(R)elevant

Your smart goal must have a relevant purpose to advance your quality of life. Your goal should be realistic. This is a goal that matters to you and no one else. Ask yourself these questions to figure out if your goal is relevant:

• Is it the right time for this?
• Does this goal seem worthwhile?

(T)ime bound

This should be a goal that you can achieve in a certain amount of time. You don’t want to set a SMART goal twenty years in the future. You will need a workable target date for your goal. Ask yourself these questions?

• When will this be accomplished?
• Where will I be six weeks from now?
• Where will I be six months from now?
• What can I do today to work towards my goal?

How do I apply this in my classroom? 

At the beginning of the semester, as I stated before, students pick their One Little Word to drive their year. Next, students think of one goal they want to achieve by the end of the school year. The goal can be, make all “A’s” for the semester, get better at a certain sport, or even get up the courage to resolve a problem they have with a friend. They have a goal worksheet that they put in their notebooks that tracks their progress. First, they have to answer a series of questions like I mentioned above that follows the SMART guidelines. I like to check in with my students periodically throughout the year and let them reflect on how they are reaching their goals. Do they need to take a step back and reevaluate?

How do I apply this in my life?

I have long-term and short-term goals like everyone else. For example, I want to finish grad school. That is a long-term goal, and it will take me a few years to complete. A short term goal I recently had was to get my cholesterol down. My doctor contacted me and told me it was on the high side. I thought to myself, “okay, how can I accomplish this?”

• Specific: Get my cholesterol down within six months.
• Measurable: Incorporate more servings of fruits and vegetables each meal.
• Achievable: Hold myself accountable and keep track of the food that I consume.
• Relevant: This is relevant because I want to be healthy.
• Time bound: The doctor wanted to see me again in six months.

One way I accomplished this SMART goal was by doing research on the calorie counts of certain foods that I like and lower calorie substitutes. For example, I replaced my milk consumption with almond milk and oat milk and I began to eat less red meat and more chicken. I began meal prep and measured out my fruit and vegetable consumption. I kept a daily log of what I ate and I did all of this for six months. My doctor recently called me and congratulated me on the significant amount I lowered my cholesterol in six months by setting measurable goals, making smart choices, and sticking to those choices. Did I have a cheat day in the last six months? Of course, I did but those days became few and far between when I rediscovered my love for vegetables.

Using SMART goals works for my students and it helped me lower my cholesterol. What is one measurable goal that you wish to set for yourself in the future? Let me know below. Also, head on over to our Facebook page to continue the conversation in our Facebook group.