Words Have Power!

 

In our weekly podcast, Amber, Christen, and I talk a lot about manifesting our best lives and that we use scripting or journaling to set our intentions. We also write out affirmations and gratitudes. I, for one, do a lot of writing; I generally have 7-8 journals going at any given time, each with its own specific purpose and style, so I’m always looking for new journals to track my progress, set my intentions, log my tarot layouts, and more.

One of the journals I use is our Modern Musings’ Words Have Power journal. It was designed for scripting and has 86 lined pages, making it perfect for my daily Gratitude and Affirmation practice. 

Hal Elrod’s Miracle Morning S.A.V.E.R.S inspired this practice. Each morning, after my prayers and meditation, I write out three things I am grateful for, three things I would like to accomplish, and one affirmation. It’s a great way to start my day with gratitude and intention.

In another journal, I document my accomplishments at the end of the day. I find that I have some pretty high expectations about how much I should accomplish in one day – it’s never limited to the three things I list in the morning. My to-do lists read more like War and Peace, and I tend to beat myself up over the tasks I don’t complete. But when I think long and hard, I know that I’ve accomplished a lot, often finishing tasks that weren’t even on the list in the first place. So, rather than be angry with myself for not managing to do x, y, and z, I started a practice of cataloging everything I accomplished at the end of the day. Wow, was that an eye-opener! When I end my day by listing everything I did, whether it was on my to-do list or not, I feel much more productive, and I can go to sleep knowing that I've done my best.

Do you script or journal? If not, I highly recommend it! To begin your scripting or journaling practice, try one of our Words Have Power journals, which are now available on Amazon.com:

https://a.co/d/aNQFkFP

https://a.co/d/2MCw0Dn

https://a.co/d/0M736E6

https://a.co/d/ikTv0eG

Rules for Being a Boss Bitch

Wednesday, on the podcast, Amber introduced us to her favorite oracle deck and the book that inspired it, “Literary Witches: A Celebration of Magical Women Writers.”  This topic was a great tie-in to International Women’s Day, which just so happened to be celebrated on Wednesday. March is also “Women’s History Month”, and you may have noticed that we’ve been sharing several female-centric blogs and podcasts, including February’s “Women in STEM” episode and, coming up next week, the as-yet-untitled podcast about role reversals. It’s going to be a good one, so don’t forget to tune in; I’ll have links below! Rather than rehash our discussion about our favorite Literary Witches and Boss Bitches, which I also listed on our Heard it on the Podcast post this week, I thought it might be fun to take a look at what makes someone a Boss Bitch.

Some people (okay, many) have a problem with the word bitch because it’s been used for so long to deprecate women. I have, admittedly, used the word that way myself when describing someone who is harsh, bossy, catty, mean, or temperamental. I’ve even used it to describe women who put their careers first at the expense of their families and loved ones. That is not what we are talking about. “Boss Bitch” is not the same as a bossy bitch, and I’ve come to embrace the word as a sort of feminist badge when used in the more traditional context, especially in regards to strong, alpha females, who rule their pack (think wolves) as strong and independent leaders. In fact, the urban dictionary defines a Boss Bitch as:

“A confident, successful, and independent woman who speaks her mind and stands up for what she believes in.”

I like that. I like that a lot. In fact, I think that’s something we should all aspire to, whether male or female. So, what do all these boss bitches have in common? What does it take to be a Boss Bitch? Here are my Top 10 qualities for being a Boss Bitch:

• Passionate: Boss bitches have found their calling or at least something they are truly passionate about. Whether it’s caring for their family, feeding the homeless, or making a place for themselves in this male-driven world, boss bitches know what is important, and they aren’t going to let a little something like “the norm” or “tradition” keep them from achieving it.

• Vocal: Boss bitches are not afraid to share their voices. They speak up when they see injustice, whether it’s in the form of #metoo or #freebritney. 

• Authentic: Boss bitches are real. They are true to themselves and they don’t dim their beautiful and brilliant light just to fit in with what society has said they should be.

• Confident: A boss bitch knows what she is capable of and she believes in herself. She is courageous and willing to take on daunting tasks. She does the right thing, even when it’s scary because she knows that fear is often a sign that she’s on the right path.

• Independent: A boss bitch knows that some things have to be done alone, without the support of others. She’s willing to do all the work herself if she has to because she knows she can. If others step up to help, then all the better.

• Hard Worker: Boss bitches have a great work ethic. They won’t quit until the job is done and they aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty or mess up their pretty manicure. She’s a good employee, and an even better boss because she’s not afraid to get in there and do the job as a part of the team.

• Gracious: Boss bitches are not bitchy. They are courteous, kind, and well-mannered. Classy and tasteful. Graceful under pressure. Likewise, boss bitches would never put someone down, belittle, or disparage others. They respect authority and work within the current system to make things right or get what they or others deserve.

• Supportive: Boss bitches empower others to be their best selves, too. They don’t feel threatened by someone else’s success. They share their knowledge and experience with others, so they can be boss bitches, too.

• Loyal:  Ride or die, a boss bitch is there until the end, no matter what it takes. But you better deserve it.

• Grateful:  Above all, a boss bitch lives a life of gratitude. She knows she pulled herself up by her bootstraps, but she also recognizes and appreciates the fact that sometimes she’s had help along the way. She is thankful for all the boss bitches who came before her, as well as her friends, family, fellow bitches, community, and faith.

I think these are good qualities for anyone to have, and whether or not you agree with using the phrase “Boss Bitch,” maybe it is something we should all strive to be. 

Do you know a real boss bitch? Give her a shout-out here or on our Facebook group, MMC Chat. Don’t like the phrase “Boss Bitch?” What are some other titles we could use to acknowledge these fabulously strong and powerful ladies?

Happiness from the Inside

Some people have accused me of always being happy like I’m some kind of Pollyanna (and if you don’t get that reference, you definitely are not in my age demographic!), who’s perpetually happy and always looking at the bright side of things. That’s not exactly true, to which my family will attest, but I am exceptionally good at hiding my inner darkness from the general public, and I am learning to find the light and the good when I feel like all is gloom and doom. Unfortunately, that hasn’t always been the case. Let me tell you a bit about my history and how I became the person I am today.

I couldn’t tell you when I first heard the phrase, “Happiness comes from within,” but I always thought it was a big crock of…B.S. Even when I was a small child, I knew that happiness doesn’t just happen, and I really couldn’t find a whole lot to be “happy” about. I grew up poor. dirt poor. Some of my extended family would probably be surprised when I say there was a time in my childhood when my mother gave us popcorn and tomatoes for a meal because that was all we had. I was young, so I don’t know if it was just one day, or a week, or what, but I remember it distinctly. I remember our utilities being cut off – several times. And on at least one occasion, I’m pretty sure we were suddenly evicted from a rent house. It was nighttime, and we had just started a move from one house to another, but at the new house, we learned that the landlord wouldn’t let us move in, so we had to find somewhere else to move very quickly. I once counted, and we had moved 12 times before I made it to the age of 13.

Some of the houses we lived in were dumps, like the one-bedroom, shotgun shack on the edge of town where the front room served as both the living room and bedroom for my parents. My sister and I shared a double bed in the pass-through bedroom, and I’m pretty sure my brother slept on a cot or the couch in the front room. One house was an old farmhouse out in the country with big holes in the sheetrock between the rooms upstairs. There were rats everywhere, and the front entry was so full of junk that we couldn’t even use the front door. After that we moved into a tiny two-bedroom mobile home that was so small that my parent’s king-sized bed fit wall-to-wall, trapping their bedroom door in the open position, and blocking the use of the built-in drawers under the tiny closets. My brother, sister, and I slept on a mattress on the floor of what had once been the second bedroom, but the wall had been removed to make more space. It was crowded with dressers, extra beds, and furniture we’d brought with us from larger homes. Those all got sold off when we moved to the next trailer house, even the double bed that had been passed down to me by my grandmother.

That next trailer was ours. My parents bought it from a cousin. It was only two bedrooms, and the rooms were small, but we owned it. When they first bought the 3-high, army-surplus bunk beds, they cut them down to remove the bunk in the middle, and then used some kind of pipe to spread them out and give the lower bunk more headroom.  The idea was that all three kids would “hot bunk”, meaning we would rotate who slept in which bed every night, with one person sleeping on a mat that slid under the lower bunk. That didn’t last long. The bed had no ladder, and my little brother, who was only 8 at the time, couldn’t get to the top bunk by himself, so he started sleeping on the living room couch again. My sister was less than enthusiastic about the claustrophobic conditions of the upper bunk, so she took the lower bed, and I, with my limber agility and lack of fear, wound up on the top bunk until I graduated high school and moved out.

I could write epic tomes about my life in these various places, but the real point is that I didn’t think real happiness was even possible for me. I blamed my unhappiness on my upbringing and poo-pooed the ideas and ideology of people raised in more fortunate conditions than I. What did they know about being happy in the face of poverty? They didn’t have to worry about where their next meal was coming from. They didn’t have to wear hand-me-down clothes from their “little sister” or fight for privacy in a home with no doors. How could anyone be happy in those conditions? Likewise, I never understood people who had it all and threw it away, whined and complained, or became depressed when they obviously had it way better than me. What I didn’t realize back then, is that I would not have been happy even if my parents were rich and I was spoiled beyond belief because happiness stems from gratitude, and gratitude starts on the inside. It starts with attitude. 

Changing your attitude to one of gratitude is often a very subtle shift that can have profound ramifications. Many years ago, a sweet friend of mine shared a crafty idea of decorating (and using) a gratitude jar. The concept is simple and flows along the lines of “count your blessings.” Whenever something good, something happy, or something positive happens in your life, document it; no matter how big or small, write it on a little slip of paper and put it in your jar. At the end of a week, a month, or a year (you decide), go back and read those happy thoughts to remind yourself of how much you have to be grateful for. I was going through a little bout of depression at the time, so I thought it would be a good idea.

I’ve detailed the process of creating my little gratitude jar on my Crafty Neighbor blog. I kept small pieces of paper handy so that any time something good or positive happened, I could jot it down and put it in the jar. I documented everything... “I found the bracelet I thought I had lost,” “Christen got a raise and promotion at work,” and I “won $5 in the Albertson’s Monopoly game.” At the end of the year, I took all those little slips of paper covered with happy thoughts and created the scrapbook page you can see here.

Seeing all those blessings in one place was a powerful reminder that life is not always negative, that even in spite of the storms, there is often a rainbow, and that life works in cycles of ups and downs. When we stop focusing on the negative things, the positive things are able to shine through. It’s important that we stop throwing a wet blanket over our pretty little candle of hope and happiness and let that light shine, because when you do, you will find that there’s a lot to be grateful for, even in the darkest moments, and as long as there is even one thing to be grateful for, we can learn to find peace and happiness in that. Happiness really does come from the inside…we just have to stop blocking the light. 

I hope you can find a way to focus on the little blessings and feel the light and joy within yourself. If you’ve ever kept a journal or blessings jar, I’d love for you to share your experience with us either here, in the comments, or over on the MMC Chat Facebook group. Helping others find that light is just one more thing to be happy about!

What Did Tyra Banks Choose?

Last fall, not long after Amber, Christen, and I decided we wanted to start a blog and podcast, I turned on the TV and caught the tail end of a local morning show interviewing Tyra Banks. The show was mostly background noise while I got squared away to do some work at my desk, but something the supermodel said caught my attention, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. The hostess asked the busy mom what her biggest challenge was, and Banks answered that some days it came down to a decision between whether to brush her teeth or take a shower. Now I don’t recall if that’s exactly what she said, and, honestly, I couldn’t even tell you what show she was on or even what station it was. The only thing that stuck with me was the concept of being so busy, so overcommitted, overburdened, and inundated with obligations that you don’t even have time for proper grooming. I’ve been there, and I bet just about every working mom in America (maybe the world) has been there (or something akin to it), too.

Rather than get off into a diatribe about why women seem to feel like we have to prove our worth by taking on everything and then beat ourselves up over it when we think we’ve failed (that is a whole episode of its own, girlfriend!), I want to talk about how we can stop this self-immolating behavior and bring a more realistic balance into our lives.

• Set boundaries and KEEP them! Others will stop expecting you to take on the world when YOU stop expecting it of yourself. No one is perfect, and forgetting to pay a bill or serving dinner an hour late does not make you a failure. Know what your limits are, and don’t let others push you beyond them. 

• Learn to say “NO!” and mean it. No means no. So when the PTA asks you if you can host the teacher luncheon at the last minute, do not let them pressure you into doing it. You are not their last and only hope. All those other people turned them down for a reason – they set boundaries and kept them. Say “no”, my friend, and don’t feel guilty about it at all. Your kids’ education will not suffer because you don’t have time to order catering.

• Use an Eisenhower matrix. Remember that Eisenhower matrix we keep talking about? List out your tasks and responsibilities (all of them!) based on whether they are urgent/not urgent and important/not important. Schedule anything important that you can postpone and then DELEGATE anything you can delegate – get it OFF your plate. That includes everything that falls into the “not important” category, leaving only the urgent and important tasks for you to tackle. Use the matrix DAILY if needed.

• Get realistic about what you CAN actually do. My therapist once asked me to make a timeline to prove to myself that my expectations were unreasonable. By writing out all the things that needed to happen and assigning time to accomplish them, I could see that I had taken on too much. I bet you will, too. Make a timeline and DOUBLE the time it takes to do each task. Yes, double. Tasks almost always take more time than we think they will. The bonus is that if you finish the task ahead of schedule, you’ve got some nice free time.

• Did I mention boundaries? I say it again because this is one area where we often tend to forget the rules. Remind yourself and remind your family, set expectations for their contributions, and hold them to the boundaries you have set.

• Create “ME” time for self-care. You should never have to choose between things that are necessary to your health -  they are your FIRST priority, before any of those other obligations. You cannot take care of others if you are falling apart yourself.

• Ask for help! Just because a task is YOUR responsibility does NOT mean you have to take it on alone. Running behind making dinner? Get your spouse or kids to lend a hand. Work has you stressed out? Maybe a coworker can pitch in to help you get caught up or can give you some tips on how to stay on top of things. Ask your child to alphabetize your filing or open the mail. Get your partner to help you make the bed or dry the dishes. Many hands make light work, and sometimes the act of doing those tasks together creates opportunities for communication and bonding. That’s a big win, my friend.

• Live a life of gratitude and forgiveness. Sometimes things fall through the cracks. Be gentle with yourself. None of us are perfect. Be grateful for what you have accomplished (make a list if you need to!) and forgive yourself for the rest. Tomorrow is a new day and another opportunity to start over again. 

I don’t know if Tyra Banks decided to brush her teeth or take a shower, but I don’t think that’s a decision anyone should ever have to make. This pressure that we put on ourselves to do ALL the things is not realistic, and it only hurts us in the end. We don’t have to be a perfect mom to be a GREAT mom, and there’s plenty of room to give ourselves grace and a realistic sense of what we can do. So the next time you feel pressure to get it all done at the expense of your own self-care, ask yourself, “Who is expecting me to do all this, and why?” Chances are, the answer is you.

Can you relate to Tyra Banks? Have you mastered the art of juggling your obligations without sacrificing self-care? We’d love to hear about it. Share your story in the comments below or over on our MMC Chat Facebook group. 

My Secret Superpower

This week on the podcast, Christen asked the question, “What would be your superpower?” I had a few answers that I thought would be handy skills, but, in the end, we seemed to find some reason why all of them might be a bit dangerous. As we discussed, there’s always the potential for someone to exploit those powers and use them in nefarious ways, and even if you only meant to do good, there is still the chance that interference with the “natural order” of things could have dire consequences. It’s a lot to think about, and I’m not sure I have the brain capacity right now to care. I’ve had an extremely difficult time dealing with some personal issues these past few weeks (more on that at a later date), and I would rather spend this time focusing on the one superpower that we all have – the power of positivity.

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all the luck? How someone could be at the end of their rope and then, suddenly, some crazy twist of fate spins things around and they are back on top again? Rhonda Byrne believes she knows the secret. In her 2006 movie, “The Secret”, Byrne tells readers about The Law of Attraction, a philosophical belief that whatever you think, whether positive or negative, that is what will come into your life. I sat down to watch the movie a few months ago as part of a One Little Word prompt, and I was inspired to begin working on manifesting some of that positivity in my own life.

The concept is nothing new. As I read Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”, he told readers again and again that negative thoughts are born by the ego.  Destroy the ego, and you are left with gratitude. Gratitude is merely acknowledging the abundance that is already in your life. “Abundance comes only to those who already have it,” Tolle writes, going on to quote Jesus who said, “Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.” (Mark 4:25) Jesus also said, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” (Mark 11:24)

To bring this abundance into my life, I started with scripting, which is basically just writing down the things you want to happen as though they already have, but only in the most positive terms. Have you ever been prompted to write a letter from your future self touting all the good things in your life that have come to pass? That’s scripting. I’ve been asked to do it countless times by high school and college English teachers, and even by trainers and life coaches, but I never gave it much thought. This time, however, I set out with sincere intentions to manifest some good in my life; I thought long and hard about what I would write and exactly how I would write it. It was a long process that first time, lengthened a bit by my decision to fashion an attractive scripting journal out of a boring composition book.

I took a cue from Christen, starting my scripting journal by first setting out my intentions for the book. If my words were going to be a vehicle for change in my life, I needed to make sure they did no harm. I also wrote my scripts from a perspective of gratitude and belief. If I believe the things I write will come to pass, then I should be grateful for them. I was also very specific about the things I wanted to manifest, and I tried to make sure I touched on every aspect of my life, including health, finances, family, friends, career, and marriage. I’ve added to the journal periodically, sometimes pasting in a graphic, other times writing out my ideal daily schedule, or even listing out my goals for the month as a “win list” as though I had already accomplished them. 

I must say, I think scripting has worked. I’ve made tremendous progress toward my goals, and I’ve felt quite empowered by my new sense of self-confidence and positive attitude. This new attitude has helped me stay rooted in my power word for this year, “now”, and has been especially helpful in dealing with the unexpected personal upheaval I mentioned earlier. Where before, I might have spent this time looking at all the negative consequences of these changes or wasting time feeling sorry for myself, I am now catching myself in those negative thoughts and “flipping the script”. I try to focus on maintaining a positive attitude and acceptance of what “is”, while also looking at the lessons I can learn and realizing that while I may not be able to control everything, I can certainly control how I react to it. And while I did shed more than just a few tears, I’ve been able to stay rooted in the present and have not devolved into self-pity, anger, or anguish. It is what it is, and earlier today, when I reviewed those previous scripts I wrote, I realized that every single one of them was still possible. That gives me hope, and hope is a product of positive thinking. If that’s not a superpower, I don’t know what is.

Have you tried scripting? Do you believe in the power of positive thinking? I’d love to hear about your experience. Comment below, or join the conversation over on the MMC Chat Facebook group.

 

Pet Peeves: A Different Point of View

Howdy readers! This week on the podcast, we had a quick change of plans. We were going to do another topic, but then decided better of it, and we thought we’d give you something a little more light-hearted instead. At least, that’s the way this week’s subject should be taken. We’re talking about Pet Peeves, all those little irksome situations that make us grit our teeth and want to pull our hair out. Some are a little more serious than others, and some are a little more…shall we say “gross”. We’ve also thrown more than a few people under the bus (like my husband), but if you think you are one of those people or you have contributed to one of those situations, please know that it’s all done in jest, and we love you anyway! We all have our foibles, and we’ve called out a few of our own in the podcast. I hope you’ll laugh along with us because we do get pretty silly!

A couple of concepts we will talk about in the podcast are mirroring and triggering, and that’s what I want to talk about here today. If you don’t know what mirroring and triggering are, here’s a brief explanation:

• Triggering is when a person or situation causes emotional distress, usually as the result of arousing feelings or memories of a traumatic experience. In theory, if something annoys us, it is because we have previously encountered that situation with negative consequences, so the recurrence of that situation causes a recurrence of the feelings associated with it.

• Mirroring is when one person’s behaviors mimic (or appear to mimic) another’s. A mirror can refer to our unconscious replication of gestures and attitudes of people we admire, but can also sometimes refer to a reaction to traits and behaviors our subconscious sees in ourselves. Mirrors can be both good and bad. We can be envious of or imitate people and traits we admire (because we want those traits), or we can react (either positively or negatively) when we have not acknowledged (or we fear) that we have those traits ourselves. 

When we talk about pet peeves, we are usually talking about things that annoy us. In many ways, these annoyances are triggers and mirrors of feelings and memories of our own experiences. Take, for instance, the coworker that always wants to chit-chat while you’re trying to work; the reason that it is annoying to you could be because that distraction has, in the past, caused you to miss a deadline at work, or has caused you some other kind of discomfort (a trigger). Or maybe you are secretly jealous that this coworker has the time to lollygag around and chat with everyone in the office while you are overwhelmed with work (envious mirroring). The other possible reason is that you know you are, or maybe you are just afraid you are, also a distraction to other people; you react to your coworker because you don’t want to be associated with that behavior (negative mirroring). 

Knowing why we are triggered by these exasperating situations helps us learn to cope with them. When you acknowledge the fact that you are jealous of your coworker who spends too much time at the watercooler, you can forgive him and maybe even help yourself. You can acknowledge that you are overworked. You might even be able to talk that coworker into lending you a hand. When you realize that the coworker’s behavior is not an intentional attempt to disrupt your workflow, and you give some thought to why that coworker is wandering the office, you might come to realize that that person is bored and needs something to do. Or maybe he lives alone and has no one to talk to. If you are worried that the other people in the office might think badly of you for engaging in that idle chit chat, then realize that is your ego, and again, think about why that person might be hanging around. Look at yourself and see if you, too, have occasionally been the disruptive talker in the office, and give that coworker some grace. Be grateful that they like you enough to talk to you. It could be a lot worse.

When you start looking at those pet peeves from a different angle, something changes inside you. That subtle change from indignation (which is from the ego) to forgiveness makes the situation much more tolerable and less stressful. Not all triggers are so easily addressed, but forgiveness and gratitude are always the starting point of any change in our attitudes, and we can’t change what we do or how we react until we change the way we think and feel.

I hope you’ll give a listen to the podcast this week and join us in a few laughs about some pretty annoying, silly, off-the-wall, and downright disgusting things. After all, laughter is good for the soul, and you might start to look at things in a different light.

Share your comments below, or join the conversation in our Facebook group, MMC Chat.