Looking at ourselves and the world through the lens of the 21st century.

Monday, July 25, 2022

Pet Peeves: A Different Point of View


Howdy readers! This week on the podcast, we had a quick change of plans. We were going to do another topic, but then decided better of it, and we thought we’d give you something a little more light-hearted instead. At least, that’s the way this week’s subject should be taken. We’re talking about Pet Peeves, all those little irksome situations that make us grit our teeth and want to pull our hair out. Some are a little more serious than others, and some are a little more…shall we say “gross”. We’ve also thrown more than a few people under the bus (like my husband), but if you think you are one of those people or you have contributed to one of those situations, please know that it’s all done in jest, and we love you anyway! We all have our foibles, and we’ve called out a few of our own in the podcast. I hope you’ll laugh along with us because we do get pretty silly!

A couple of concepts we will talk about in the podcast are mirroring and triggering, and that’s what I want to talk about here today. If you don’t know what mirroring and triggering are, here’s a brief explanation:


  • Triggering is when a person or situation causes emotional distress, usually as the result of arousing feelings or memories of a traumatic experience. In theory, if something annoys us, it is because we have previously encountered that situation with negative consequences, so the recurrence of that situation causes a recurrence of the feelings associated with it.

  • Mirroring is when one person’s behaviors mimic (or appear to mimic) another’s. A mirror can refer to our unconscious replication of gestures and attitudes of people we admire, but can also sometimes refer to a reaction to traits and behaviors our subconscious sees in ourselves. Mirrors can be both good and bad. We can be envious of or imitate people and traits we admire (because we want those traits), or we can react (either positively or negatively) when we have not acknowledged (or we fear) that we have those traits ourselves. 


When we talk about pet peeves, we are usually talking about things that annoy us. In many ways, these annoyances are triggers and mirrors of feelings and memories of our own experiences. Take, for instance, the coworker that always wants to chit-chat while you’re trying to work; the reason that it is annoying to you could be because that distraction has, in the past, caused you to miss a deadline at work, or has caused you some other kind of discomfort (a trigger). Or maybe you are secretly jealous that this coworker has the time to lollygag around and chat with everyone in the office while you are overwhelmed with work (envious mirroring). The other possible reason is that you know you are, or maybe you are just afraid you are, also a distraction to other people; you react to your coworker because you don’t want to be associated with that behavior (negative mirroring). 


Knowing why we are triggered by these exasperating situations helps us learn to cope with them. When you acknowledge the fact that you are jealous of your coworker who spends too much time at the watercooler, you can forgive him and maybe even help yourself. You can acknowledge that you are overworked. You might even be able to talk that coworker into lending you a hand. When you realize that the coworker’s behavior is not an intentional attempt to disrupt your workflow, and you give some thought to why that coworker is wandering the office, you might come to realize that that person is bored and needs something to do. Or maybe he lives alone and has no one to talk to. If you are worried that the other people in the office might think badly of you for engaging in that idle chit chat, then realize that is your ego, and again, think about why that person might be hanging around. Look at yourself and see if you, too, have occasionally been the disruptive talker in the office, and give that coworker some grace. Be grateful that they like you enough to talk to you. It could be a lot worse.


When you start looking at those pet peeves from a different angle, something changes inside you. That subtle change from indignation (which is from the ego) to forgiveness makes the situation much more tolerable and less stressful. Not all triggers are so easily addressed, but forgiveness and gratitude are always the starting point of any change in our attitudes, and we can’t change what we do or how we react until we change the way we think and feel.


I hope you’ll give a listen to the podcast this week and join us in a few laughs about some pretty annoying, silly, off-the-wall, and downright disgusting things. After all, laughter is good for the soul, and you might start to look at things in a different light.


Share your comments below, or join the conversation in our Facebook group, MMC Chat.


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