Saturday Mornings at the Farmer's Market

This week on the podcast we talked about morning routines. I don’t have much of a morning routine. My work week consists of the same thing every day. I have specific steps that I follow every morning that lead up to leaving for work. However, I don’t usually sleep in on Saturday after working all week. I wake up early, make a cup of coffee, work on a crossword puzzle while I drink my coffee, and then head to the farmer’s market.

Denton Community Market

Going to the farmer’s market is one of my favorite things to do on the weekend. Every March, the local markets start opening, and farmers and local artisans sell their goods at the market. This Saturday morning tradition started fifteen years ago when my hometown reopened its downtown farmer’s market around the courthouse. The market started with a few local farmers and then grew flourishing booths around the courthouse and lining the neighboring streets. Not only were fruits and vegetables sold, but local handmade goods as well. On Saturdays, when I visited my mom, we would head to the local farmer’s market.

I continued this tradition when I moved back to the Dallas area in 2019. One of my favorite local markets to visit on Saturday mornings is the Denton Community Market. You can find a little bit of everything at the market and over the years of continuous Saturday morning visits, I have made quite a few friends. The market is set in Denton’s Downtown Historic District and located at Denton’s Historic Park, which is the site of some of the oldest structures in the area. When I visit the market, I always like to visit all of my favorite vendors in the same order.

First, I visit my friend Katherine at Susie’s Snack Shop. Susie’s offers gourmet dog treats. I met the owner of this particular shop unusually. She lives out in the country, and her homestead is the home of feral domestic cats. To reduce the cat population, she trapped several feral kittens and asked for local fosters and adopters. I told her I was interested in adopting a kitten, however, I didn’t plan on taking two kittens! This month Chewy and Katniss turn two years old, and it was one of the best decisions I made.

Chewy and Katniss

Second, I like to visit Spread Happiness Nut Butters to get my keto nut butter fix. I mentioned this company in a previous blog when I talked about my favorite flavors. After I get my nut butter, I need to get my jam so I head to the next booth over which is Ten Berries and pick up a jar of their low sugar cherry or mimosa flavors.

Third, I will visit my friend Gabby at the Cookie Thief Cake Co. booth. I met Gabby while doing research for my Instagram and discovered that she was a former competitor on the Food Network show Chopped Sweets. After I buy something sweet, I pick up a coffee from the Combs’ Coffee booth and sit in the shade to enjoy my treat.

Gabby Sanchez at the Denton Pride Market in 2021

Lastly, I always visit my friend Melinda at her Texas Girl Treasures booth. Melinda has become one of my favorite jewelry artisans and I am always looking at her new designs. Melinda specializes in essential oil jewelry. She also has the best customer service of any local market artisan that I have met. If a piece breaks for any reason, she will fix it or replace it at a low cost. I enjoy her designs so much that I hesitate to buy jewelry from anyone else.

Other Market Vendors, I like to visit:

• Tree Folk Farm

• Heirloom Baking Company

• Otter Illustration

• Robot Monster Prints

• The Cookie Crave

• The Secret Lab

• Y and B Jewelry

• Pinned Ptera

I don’t always buy something when I go to the local farmer’s market. To me, it is the experience and community of going and talking to the vendors as well as supporting a small business. 

I want to hear from my readers. What is your favorite morning routine? Do you like to go to the local market? Let’s continue the conversation on our Facebook group: MMC Chat.

To Wear Makeup or Not...that Is the Question

The other day, I was enjoying some coffee with a friend when we started talking about body image. It wasn’t long before we were pointing out the things we didn’t like about ourselves, like our height, weight, double chin, and my nose. She laughed when I said that and wondered why I hated it, but I have always hated my nose. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a finely sculpted sniffer, but a bulbous schnoz. I have a honker…a round little ball that if painted red would look like a clown’s nose and might give you the idea it would squeak if you tweaked it. It’s so big that it actually blocks a bit of my vision, giving new meaning to the phrase, “can’t see past the end of my nose.” But I digress….

What struck me about this conversation was how readily both of us started to criticize our physical bodies for not matching up to some idea of perfection that probably got stuck in our heads by TV and magazines when we were just children. As our conversation progressed, my friend lamented that she feels guilty about liking the way she looks in makeup better than without. I have to admit that I do too, but I seldom wear makeup anymore unless it’s for a special occasion or we’re going out. 

I never thought much about feeling guilty about liking myself in makeup. I mean, that’s what makeup is for, right? To enhance our best characteristics and to hide anything we’d rather not flaunt. Just because I look better with makeup on does not mean that I hate the way I look without it, does it? 

To me, makeup is a lot like wearing clothes. Should I feel guilty about liking the way I look in a dress over the way I look in my pajamas? Or what about a nice pair of designer jeans versus sweatpants? Then there’s jewelry. Would someone feel guilty about putting on earrings or a necklace? Heck no! In fact, I think most of the time, we are quite proud of the way we look in our best clothes, and really, we should feel no different about makeup. If it makes you feel better about yourself, then embrace it! Or if you don’t like it, then don’t. But one should never feel guilty about wearing makeup or not wearing it. It’s all a matter of personal taste – whatever makes you feel your best.

So back to this idea that we should look a certain way and then the flip side of feeling guilty because we think worrying about our looks is shallow. We are seriously damned if we do and damned if we don’t. But here’s the deal…our hormones dictate that we put our best self forward…that we do whatever we can to attract and keep a mate. That’s not a choice, honey, that’s plain old chemistry. So there is no shame in doing things to make yourself attractive or wanting to present yourself as such. And shame on anyone who tries to make you feel bad about it. 

By that same standard, I say shame on anyone who tries to make you feel bad for not wearing makeup, too. To present yourself as you are, without embellishment or camouflage, is beautiful and brave. It takes a great deal of confidence and trust in the world around you to show yourself as you truly are. 

So, I say, “let’s stop this nonsense about appearance shaming” …whether it is for “improving” ourselves or not. Let’s accept each other “warts and all”, whether we have on makeup and a dress or yoga pants and a messy bun. We are all beautiful, both inside and out, and no one, I repeat, NO ONE, should ever be ashamed of how they look.

Heard It on the Podcast - May 18, 2022

 

Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. Here's the links for this week:

18-May-2022

S2E21: Favorite Morning Routines

• The Miracle Morning... by Hal Elrod
• Oracle Decks Podcast - https://modernmusings.podbean.com/e/oracle-cards/
• Mindful Messages Cards
• Make Your Bed Speech by Admiral William H. McRaven
• Make Your Bed (Book) - by Admiral William H. McRaven
• Ninja Blender
• Kashi Waffles
• NOOM: https://www.noom.com

 

My Favorite Morning Routine

This week on the podcast, we will be discussing our favorite morning routines. Although we mostly talk about morning routines regarding self-care and getting ready for the day, the idea of the discussion made me think of an activity that gets me out of the bed on a weekend, which is a challenge to say the least.

Lately, Reyna and I have been going on a weekend “adventure”. One of the things I learned early on about Reyna is that she loves doughnuts. I could easily say that she is obsessed. She is very particular about her doughnuts, and she likes them in a very specific way –  chocolate with sprinkles. And not just any doughnut will do; it needs to be fresh from a doughnut shop, and preferably eaten inside so that she can people-watch as she eats her treats. I found this to be a fun way to bond with her as our relationship developed. We would go early in the morning and have our treat on a Sunday before going back home to do our household chores. 

When COVID struck, we lost the ability to dine inside the doughnut shop. We started to take our doughnuts to the park and eat them at various playgrounds near us. Checking out a different park each week for the perfect hang out spot became a new part of the routine. 

Over time, our Sundays have evolved into meeting one of my friends for brunch, too. Sometimes after our brunch or doughnut run, we will head to one of the local craft stores or the pet supply store to get some much needed dog treats. Once I mentioned the dog, that introduced a whole new level of activities. Reyna has really taken to my Shih Tzu, Arya, and she enjoys anything that has to do with her. So, sometimes on Sundays, we will grab our doughnuts and head to the nature trail with the dogs in tote. This year for Christmas, Reyna asked Santa for a dog stroller. Although I thought they were absurd at first, the dogs really seem to enjoy riding in it, and Reyna really enjoys it. 

If we can manage to get out the door early enough, we can get a couple miles in with the dogs, eat a sweet treat, spend time together doing something we enjoy, and still have plenty of time to make it back home to jump on my Sunday Zoom call with my mom.

We don’t get to go every weekend. Sometimes we just have too much going on, or we sleep in too late. I find that when we make a plan, it tends to become a reality more often than not. I generally don’t get doughnuts myself, but the doughnuts seem to be a good incentive to get Reyna up in the morning. If I promised doughnuts, she was not going to let me skip out on them, and she keeps me accountable, which ensures that I don’t stay in bed, being lazy all day, when we could be spending quality time together. We look forward to our Sundays together, whether it be getting some doughnuts, taking a stroll in the park, or going to run errands, just the two of us. 

What is your favorite morning routine? Do you have one that involves someone else that you cherish? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below or on MMC Chat.

Coping with Mental Health and Adult Children

Over the last 6 months, Amber, Christen, and I have shared quite a bit about our personal lives, our struggles with depression, ADHD, OCD, dementia, and familial tendencies toward mental illness. We’ve each had various experiences that have affected us deeply. I think that’s why mental illness is such an important topic here at Modern Musings, and why we’re talking about it this week. I know the topic is certainly at the top of my list, having lived with my own struggles for many years. However, mental illness takes on a whole new level of complexity when a parent is dealing with their child’s issues of mental illness, and while we can exert a bit of control over our youngsters, we are pretty much helpless as we watch the suffering of our adult children. It’s painful in ways that dim our own challenges, and it stabs at the core of our competence as a parent. But, what can we do?

I have often blamed myself for the struggles of my children. Did I pass on that gene? Was it something I did, or some failing of mine as a parent? Was there something I could have done to prevent it? Did I miss the signs? These are but a few of the questions a parent asks when their child is dealing with ADHD, depression, addiction, or any number of other mental health diagnoses. And we never stop asking those questions.

The other big question we ask is, “What can I do to help?” The answer is not as simple as one might think. Once your child is an adult, you don’t have much input into their treatment, and unless your child consents to release medical information, you are, by law, excluded from getting any information from their doctors. This is why maintaining a good relationship and open communication with your child is extremely important. Constantly checking in and checking up on our children can feel like smothering. The advice can feel like demands or even disappointment. You might need to adjust your thinking, too. Your dreams and expectations for your child may need to change in light of a mental health diagnosis. The brilliant student bound for college might take longer to reach that goal or may change plans altogether. The key is to show your adult child that you love them, accept them, and support them while acknowledging that they are an adult and it’s up to them to get the help they need.

I think one of the hardest things I’ve ever done is to sit back and watch my children suffer through many of the same mental health issues that have plagued me my whole life. It’s excruciatingly painful to know that I am powerless to fix it. But I think the part that is hardest to accept is when that child doesn’t get the help they need. It’s almost like watching them bleed out from a severed arm but you’re not allowed to stop the bleeding. Like any parent, I am full of all kinds of advice, and I want to do everything I can to make my family happy, well, and whole. If it was okay to do so, I would load them up in the car and drive them to the doctor myself! I’ve seen too many families torn apart by homelessness, abuse, addiction, and suicide. I can’t bear the thought of that happening to my children. So, you can bet that if I think they are going to hurt themselves or someone else, I will not hesitate to step in and do just that!

According to the National Alliance on Mental Health:

• 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experiences mental illness in a given year.

• Annually, 1 in 25 adults in the U.S. experiences a serious mental illness that substantially interferes with or limits major life activities.

• 50% of mental illness begins by age 14, and three-quarters begins by age 24.

• The average delay between symptom onset and treatment is 11 years

• 18% of U.S. adults with mental illness also have a substance use disorder

• 21% of people experiencing homelessness also have a serious mental illness

• 46% of people who die by suicide have a diagnosed mental health condition

• Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for people ages 10-34

• Only 41% of adults in the U.S. with a mental health condition received mental health services in the past year.

Here are some tips for dealing with your adult child with a mental health diagnosis:

• Early intervention can help reduce the severity of an illness.

• Use “I” statements so you don’t alienate them: “When I hear you talking about how unhappy you are, I feel worried. I think talking to someone about how you are feeling would be very helpful.”

• Stop the power struggles:  Listen, really listen, without judgment or correction

• Let them know you are there for them

• Remove the stigma of mental health issues

• Be willing to share your own issues – it helps them to know they aren’t alone

• Set boundaries: Neither of you should tolerate physical or verbal abuse. No cursing, hitting, or threats

• Encourage them to get help

• Find support for yourself

• Develop a crisis plan in case of emergency: Collect contact information for:

• The nearest hospital

• The crisis hotlines

• The nearest police department

• Family and friends

• Any treatment providers

• Have your child sign a medical release form so you can be involved if they suffer a significant episode.

  
  

If your child’s behavior is unsafe, or if they talk about wanting to hurt themselves or someone else – do not hesitate to intervene! You might just save a life!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/warning-signs-of-mental-illness

Mental Health Awareness Month

Did you know that May is Mental Health Awareness Month? When we decided to discuss this topic, we had no idea that there was a month dedicated to its awareness, we just knew that it was something that we all three wanted to talk about through Modern Musings. 

I really hope that you got a chance to listen to the podcast yesterday! We were so fortunate to have Ashely Roberts, a student of Psychology, join us and weigh in on the discussion. It was comforting to have someone with that background helping guide our discussion. Sadly, in today’s society, many of us have not had much opportunity to speak with others about mental health. It almost seems that we are coming out from under the constraints, and speaking about mental health- is no longer taboo. Even so, it is still a challenge, and we are all learning. 

One thing that everyone must consider, is that humanity’s ignorance as a whole is not in any way malicious; it is just ignorance. The general population of the world is still trying to grapple with the idea that no one is perfect, and that it is okay to be different. We need to be patient with those who do not understand mental health and cannot comprehend what it is like to live with a mental health condition. Since many have felt silenced regarding their mental health and have not found that safe haven yet, 

we must be sensitive to those around us; you can never know what people are going through. There are some staggering statistics that you can review in The State Of Mental Health In America.  

Mental health is a very broad topic, and according to mentalhealth.gov, it covers everything about how you think, feel and act. It also encompasses how you handle stress and relate to others, and how you make choices. These are all determined by key factors, including genetics and brain chemistry, life experiences, and family history.

The biggest term that is cropping up online in the past decade (or more) is “self-care”. On the surface, self-care looks or sounds like taking bubble baths, relaxing, having a quiet moment of reflection, or treating yourself to some dark chocolate. In reality, self-care can be so much more. It means “taking care of yourself”, and can be whatever you need in order to have a stable environment. Sometimes self-care is ending an unhealthy relationship, and sometimes that relationship is a person, but it can also be a thing. I know that we have talked about self-care in various forms, and we will probably touch on the subject many more times.

I am grateful that we are normalizing mental health. It felt so good to talk about my own battle with depression and get it off my chest. People should not feel ashamed to talk about their feelings, stress, fears, etc. These days, you can get information just about anywhere online for anything you need regarding mental health. By normalizing mental health, it could save a life. Someone who is feeling suicidal might feel more compelled to share their feelings knowing that they are not going to be shamed and having the comfort of talking with someone who understands. 

Starting on July 16, 2022, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline will be available by dialing 988 for the United States. Please pass this along, and let others know that people who care are standing by, ready to help!

Heard It on the Podcast - May 11, 2022

 

Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. Here's the links for this week:

11-May-2022

S2E20: Living with Mental Health

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide or in emotional distress, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 

800-273-8255

The hotline provides free and confidential support 24/7 for anyone who needs it.

House of Cards

My eyes are open and the alarm is blaring. I’m staring at the ceiling in the darkness. Breathing. Just breathing. I’m staring. My alarm…snooze. Nine more minutes and I’ll get up, I promise myself this every morning. Nine more minutes. I swear I’ll get up this time.

Everyone hits snooze, right? Generally, they fall back to sleep. Were they awake half the night making lists in their heads? Endless lists of things they worry about… things they need to buy at the store…or things they want to do to their house? I was. I was laying there thinking of everything in the world but sleep because that’s what I do. Sometimes I can read, work on crossword puzzles, or tell myself stories to put myself asleep. So, when I hit snooze, I’m awake, but I just don’t want to get out of bed. It’s not because I’m lazy. I mentally can’t get out of bed. I’m trapped in my head, unable to move. Every morning I have to untrap myself. I have to convince myself that getting out of bed is the right thing to do. It’s a vicious cycle.

I’m ill. I have a mental illness that I try to overcome every day of my life.

That’s not a normal thing to say, is it? What is normal? I can think of various instances from my childhood that point to the fact that I was not normal and that things were not okay. For example, I became so angry over something trivial that I ripped the bedpost off my bed and threw it across the room. Does that seem normal?

My generation grew up with the stigma that everything deemed “different” was bad, especially if you grew up in a small, conservative town in the south. Growing up, I quickly learned that to be a fully functional member of society, I had to hide the parts of myself that were considered “not okay.” In other words, “fake it until you make it.” So, that’s what I did. I became a master of my reality, and my only outlet growing up was through my writing. Throughout my adolescence, I went out of my way to not be noticed and to appear “normal.”

As I grew older, it was harder to fake. In my third year of college, circa 2004, I began to slowly give in to mania and depression. I stayed up all night, I stopped going to class, and I began sleeping all day until I had to get up to go to work. About halfway through my first semester, I was failing most of my classes except my creative writing class. It was the only one I enjoyed attending. The next semester wasn’t any better. I was on academic probation, and I still had a hard time making myself attend most of my classes other than my poetry writing elective. By that time, my mania/depression had turned into self-destructive behaviors. I quit my job to focus on college, but in reality, I was having a hard time making myself go to work and school. I figured that if I eliminated work, I would attend school. I was wrong. That summer, I was told I had to take a semester off from college due to my academic performance. At that point, I gave in and started seeing an on-campus psychiatrist.

After a few sessions, he diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar Disorder is “a mental disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, concentration, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks,” according to the National Institute of Mental Health. This diagnosis did not come as a shock to me. In fact, it made sense. I knew there was something wrong. I had always known, that people with mental illnesses were considered “crazy.” Was I crazy?

“You are not crazy,” my mother told me after my diagnosis. “I work with people who have Bipolar Disorder. You can’t possibly have Bipolar Disorder.” My mom was a social worker for the criminally insane at the local state hospital. She, along with a lot of people I knew, equated mental illness with crime because the only confessed people with bipolar disorder she knew were her clients at the hospital, and most of them had committed violent crimes. I was not violent. I was not a criminal. How could I be mentally ill? This is one of the stigmas that followed people with mental illness seventeen years ago. After my mother’s reaction and subsequent denial, why would I want to confess to having such a monstrous disorder? 

So, I suffered in silence like so many others. I overcame my baser instincts. Medication helped, but it only takes a person so far when it comes to Bipolar Disorder. Living life is a constant struggle. Sudden changes can often break my day. My first reaction to something negative is always to throw something, break something, or scream, but I stop myself and channel that energy in a more positive way. Over the years, my disorder became easier to control with practice and patience. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days or that a single push will not tumble my carefully constructed house of cards. If that happens, I rebuild. It may be hard, but I do it.

On our podcast this week, we talk about living with mental illness. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, one in five Americans live with mental illness. If more people talked about their condition, they would not have to suffer in silence like I did most of my life. Carrie Fisher once said, “Bipolar Disorder can be a great teacher. It’s a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life.” I accept the challenge. My condition is not a disability. I live with it and overcome it every day of my life, just like so many others.

I want to hear from our readers. Do you or a loved one suffer from mental illness? Let’s continue the conversation in our Facebook Group: MMC Chat.