Self-care is the Best Care

Hello everyone! This week on the podcast, we are talking about what we do for self-care and why self-care is important. What is self-care? According to the Global Self-Care Federation, self-care is defined as “the practice of individuals looking after their own health using the knowledge and information available to them. It is a decision-making process that empowers individuals to look after their own health efficiently and conveniently, in collaboration with health and social care professionals as needed.” Simply, take care of yourself.

Why is this such a problem for people? As I’ve learned in life, not taking care of yourself will simply kill you. That’s the bottom line. My mother was great at taking care of things. My dad, grandma, and I (and her pets) were her world. She didn’t eat until everyone else ate. She spent endless hours making sure my grandmother ate, took her pills, watched her favorite shows, and took a bath to the point that she sometimes forgot to do those things for herself. My mom didn’t eat the things she wanted to eat; she always let everyone else choose. My mom didn’t do the activities she wanted to do; she went along with what I wanted to do. Her family and friends were her world, and when she wasn’t spending time with us, she was at work for endless hours (until she was forced to medically retire). My mom ran ragged worrying about other people and oftentimes neglected her health. As a result, she suffered a series of strokes at the age of 59 and eventually died of heart failure just shy of her 64th birthday.

I, too, was going down the same path as my mother. I had just turned 30 when my mother suffered her strokes, and I moved in with her and my grandmother to take care of them; it was like my life turned upside down. Before that, I lived alone and I had a routine. I woke up at a certain time every day, took my medication, ate at a certain time, followed a daily regime of skincare, and went to the gym regularly. I put all of my things in storage and started sleeping on my grandmother’s extremely uncomfortable couch when I wasn't sleeping in a chair at the hospital. Eventually, with the help of my cousins, I was able to move a bed into my grandmother’s sewing room, but this was after months of sleeping where and when I could, showering whenever I had the chance, and eating from the hospitality station next to my mom’s hospital room…which consisted mainly of yogurt and cheese sticks.

After my mom eventually got well enough that she didn’t need someone attending her 24/7, I was able to start working again. However, in my new place, it was hard to get back into the strict routine that I had. Unfortunately, I had let myself go. I gained weight, I started breaking out, and I became too comfortable with a sedentary life. As the years passed, I slowly slipped into putting others’ needs above my own and eventually began to lose myself in the needs of others. 

After my separation in 2020, I began to slowly pick up those routines again. I started a strict skincare routine of cleansing my face daily and applying shea butter lotion to the rough skin that had developed on my arms and legs. I started giving myself regular pedicures and manicures and wearing the right makeup that didn’t break me out. Other than that I started dressing for my body type and picking up old hobbies that I had lost over the years. Slowly, I began to feel satisfied with myself again. I started working my way out of the slump that I let myself fall into. Eventually, I started eating better as well. Is everything perfect? No. Do I need to go to the doctor more? Yes. Will I get back to the routine that I want in my life, taking years of time and effort? For sure. But, I have given myself a level ground to continue on because I can still be there for other people and maintain myself. That is the takeaway. You can be both. You do not have to be one or the other.

I want to hear from our readers. How do you practice self-care? Do you have any self-care tips that you want to share? Please comment below!

To Wear Makeup or Not...that Is the Question

The other day, I was enjoying some coffee with a friend when we started talking about body image. It wasn’t long before we were pointing out the things we didn’t like about ourselves, like our height, weight, double chin, and my nose. She laughed when I said that and wondered why I hated it, but I have always hated my nose. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a finely sculpted sniffer, but a bulbous schnoz. I have a honker…a round little ball that if painted red would look like a clown’s nose and might give you the idea it would squeak if you tweaked it. It’s so big that it actually blocks a bit of my vision, giving new meaning to the phrase, “can’t see past the end of my nose.” But I digress….

What struck me about this conversation was how readily both of us started to criticize our physical bodies for not matching up to some idea of perfection that probably got stuck in our heads by TV and magazines when we were just children. As our conversation progressed, my friend lamented that she feels guilty about liking the way she looks in makeup better than without. I have to admit that I do too, but I seldom wear makeup anymore unless it’s for a special occasion or we’re going out. 

I never thought much about feeling guilty about liking myself in makeup. I mean, that’s what makeup is for, right? To enhance our best characteristics and to hide anything we’d rather not flaunt. Just because I look better with makeup on does not mean that I hate the way I look without it, does it? 

To me, makeup is a lot like wearing clothes. Should I feel guilty about liking the way I look in a dress over the way I look in my pajamas? Or what about a nice pair of designer jeans versus sweatpants? Then there’s jewelry. Would someone feel guilty about putting on earrings or a necklace? Heck no! In fact, I think most of the time, we are quite proud of the way we look in our best clothes, and really, we should feel no different about makeup. If it makes you feel better about yourself, then embrace it! Or if you don’t like it, then don’t. But one should never feel guilty about wearing makeup or not wearing it. It’s all a matter of personal taste – whatever makes you feel your best.

So back to this idea that we should look a certain way and then the flip side of feeling guilty because we think worrying about our looks is shallow. We are seriously damned if we do and damned if we don’t. But here’s the deal…our hormones dictate that we put our best self forward…that we do whatever we can to attract and keep a mate. That’s not a choice, honey, that’s plain old chemistry. So there is no shame in doing things to make yourself attractive or wanting to present yourself as such. And shame on anyone who tries to make you feel bad about it. 

By that same standard, I say shame on anyone who tries to make you feel bad for not wearing makeup, too. To present yourself as you are, without embellishment or camouflage, is beautiful and brave. It takes a great deal of confidence and trust in the world around you to show yourself as you truly are. 

So, I say, “let’s stop this nonsense about appearance shaming” …whether it is for “improving” ourselves or not. Let’s accept each other “warts and all”, whether we have on makeup and a dress or yoga pants and a messy bun. We are all beautiful, both inside and out, and no one, I repeat, NO ONE, should ever be ashamed of how they look.