The other day, I was enjoying some coffee with a friend when we started talking about body image. It wasn’t long before we were pointing out the things we didn’t like about ourselves, like our height, weight, double chin, and my nose. She laughed when I said that and wondered why I hated it, but I have always hated my nose. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a finely sculpted sniffer, but a bulbous schnoz. I have a honker…a round little ball that if painted red would look like a clown’s nose and might give you the idea it would squeak if you tweaked it. It’s so big that it actually blocks a bit of my vision, giving new meaning to the phrase, “can’t see past the end of my nose.” But I digress….
What struck me about this conversation was how readily both of us started to criticize our physical bodies for not matching up to some idea of perfection that probably got stuck in our heads by TV and magazines when we were just children. As our conversation progressed, my friend lamented that she feels guilty about liking the way she looks in makeup better than without. I have to admit that I do too, but I seldom wear makeup anymore unless it’s for a special occasion or we’re going out.
I never thought much about feeling guilty about liking myself in makeup. I mean, that’s what makeup is for, right? To enhance our best characteristics and to hide anything we’d rather not flaunt. Just because I look better with makeup on does not mean that I hate the way I look without it, does it?
To me, makeup is a lot like wearing clothes. Should I feel guilty about liking the way I look in a dress over the way I look in my pajamas? Or what about a nice pair of designer jeans versus sweatpants? Then there’s jewelry. Would someone feel guilty about putting on earrings or a necklace? Heck no! In fact, I think most of the time, we are quite proud of the way we look in our best clothes, and really, we should feel no different about makeup. If it makes you feel better about yourself, then embrace it! Or if you don’t like it, then don’t. But one should never feel guilty about wearing makeup or not wearing it. It’s all a matter of personal taste – whatever makes you feel your best.
So back to this idea that we should look a certain way and then the flip side of feeling guilty because we think worrying about our looks is shallow. We are seriously damned if we do and damned if we don’t. But here’s the deal…our hormones dictate that we put our best self forward…that we do whatever we can to attract and keep a mate. That’s not a choice, honey, that’s plain old chemistry. So there is no shame in doing things to make yourself attractive or wanting to present yourself as such. And shame on anyone who tries to make you feel bad about it.
By that same standard, I say shame on anyone who tries to make you feel bad for not wearing makeup, too. To present yourself as you are, without embellishment or camouflage, is beautiful and brave. It takes a great deal of confidence and trust in the world around you to show yourself as you truly are.
So, I say, “let’s stop this nonsense about appearance shaming” …whether it is for “improving” ourselves or not. Let’s accept each other “warts and all”, whether we have on makeup and a dress or yoga pants and a messy bun. We are all beautiful, both inside and out, and no one, I repeat, NO ONE, should ever be ashamed of how they look.
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