Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day! This week during the podcast we talked about the “Luck of the Irish” and how it is actually kind of unlucky. I wanted to touch on this subject a little more. I have been working on positive affirmations for myself for some time, and I am a firm believer that what you think and say are your reality. 

This really brings some of the talking points in Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” front and center. In his book he discussed people thinking and talking negatively, and how that action brings them into a negative pattern of behavior. Those negative thoughts feed the ego, allowing more negative thoughts to arise. I am thankful that this behavior has been brought to my attention. I have been striving, since reading the book, to feed my mind only good thoughts. I have found myself slipping into a pessimistic mind frame from time to time out of habit. This tends to happen to me when I get stressed and overwhelmed. I don’t necessarily consider myself to be lucky or unlucky though.

Frane Selak is a good example of someone that was considered the most unlucky person and/or the luckiest in the world. He passed away several years ago, but when he was alive, he had many seemingly unfortunate events occur one right after the other. He was a survivor of several motor vehicle accidents that left other passengers dead. Although he came close to death many times, I consider him a lucky survivor. Someone else might argue that he was unlucky since he had so many accidents while in a moving vehicle. 

I know that many of us can feel like we are being attacked by an outside force of bad luck. The saying, “if it’s not one thing, then it's another” and Murphy’s Law, “if it can happen, it will happen”, come to mind. If you feel like you are a victim or suffering from a negative force of back luck, stop yourself from spiraling into a negative mindset before you get too deep. 

This is the good vibes only zone! I compiled a short list of positive affirmations regarding luck! 

• I am lucky

• Good things happen to me

• I attract wealth and prosperity

• Wonderful things happen to me every day

• Everything is going my way

• Good fortune flows my way

• My day is flowing effortlessly

• My life has purpose and meaning

• My day is exciting and full of adventure

• Amazing opportunities come into my life

• I am constantly drawing good fortune my way

• My day is full of opportunities

• Good luck comes natural to me

• My positive thoughts and actions bring me good luck

• Things always work out for me

• I am lucky and alive

• Things happen for me, not to me

• I always bounce back

• I always land on my feet

I cannot claim that thinking positively will stop the force of bad luck, but I can attest that a positive mindset can turn any situation around. There are many other ways to turn your misfortune around and hopefully we can get to those another time. Let me know if that is something that interests you! What do you do when you strike into a row of misfortune? Do you have any go to phrases or actions? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Behind the Clock

This week on the podcast we are discussing The Luck of the Irish and the origin of the meaning. Years ago, while visiting Salt Lake City, I ended up at the Family History Library. I have always been interested in genealogy and it was something that my dad was interested in as well. He spent years studying family history. The library set me up with an account and got me started on what was soon to become an intensive family history project that I am still working on. One of the things I discovered about my last name over the years is the Gaelic translation meaning “rough fate.”

When I was younger I used to ask myself why I was so unlucky. It always seemed that when things/tasks seemed easier for one person, they seemed three times as hard for me to accomplish. I felt “behind the clock.” So to speak.

What is “behind the clock?” I always thought that there were three types of people:

1. Before the clock: The lucky ones. The ones that never seemed to have a “bad hair day”. The ones that were always praised for being gorgeous, having money, getting good grades without having to work too hard for them, etc. Life seemed to be easy for those people.
2. On-time: Those that lived a natural flow of life. They were never lucky or unlucky. They lived their life naturally and accepted the natural way of life.
3. Behind the clock: The chronically unlucky ones. The ones that were always late. The ones that things never seemed to go smoothly for. It seemed that they had to work extra hard in all aspects of life. These people were usually born poor or were constant victims of some hardship.

However, those were just surface-level thoughts. Life is never that simple and you have to get to know someone to be able to judge their circumstances. No one is consistently before or behind the clock. Not everyone is “on time” all the time. A lot of the time, people that seem to “have it all” are just projecting an illusion to the public because they don’t want an insight into what’s going on behind the scenes of their life. Nevertheless, I was jealous of what I perceived as “before the clock” people. I was too trapped in my misery to see past the surface.

Aside from all that, I wondered why am I so unlucky? For many years I kept a mental/running list of reasons why I thought I was unlucky:

• I was born a female: I am a child of the ’80s. I grew up with the perception of how females are supposed to be, and I was none of those things. I have always felt very masculine compared to conventional definitions of “female.” At the same time, I feel very “feminine” as well. I very much embrace both my masculine and feminine sides dually. But, when I was a child, men seemed to have it all and I thought it was unfortunate that I didn’t.
• I had some unfortunate genetics: I have always been overweight and from a genetics standpoint, I have always had to work extra hard to lose weight. Being “plus-size” growing up was hard. I had a lot of body issues, and I was bullied for being overweight not only by the kids in school but by my family members as well.
• My family was poor: Looking back, this was ironic to me because  I was bullied for being a “rich girl” because my grandparents had money even though my parents did not. I didn’t live in the best part of town and the house I grew up in wasn’t the biggest. We were poor and we struggled, but my mom always went to great lengths to make sure that no one realized it. I ate a lot of ramen noodles, cheap lunch meat, and spaghetti growing up because we didn’t have a lot of money. The poor nutrition just compounded my weight problem.
• I was socially awkward: This was a struggle I kept hidden struggled with. If you met me in person, you might question how I could struggle socially. My mother was the most social person anyone knew, and I was in every club/sport imaginable growing up how could I possibly be socially awkward? It is one of those things I was taught to overcome or hide. My natural tendency when I walk into a room is to avoid eye contact and hide in the corner so no one will notice or speak to me. My mom refused to let me give in to those tendencies. I was taught to speak first and look people in the eye. The eye contact thing still eludes me – being social and speaking to people is a constant struggle for me. As an adult, I was diagnosed with a mild form of autism which could explain my social struggles.
• Weird stuff always seemed to happen: I used to think the world was punishing me. For example, if I bought a shirt that I felt was expensive, I would accidentally catch it on something and ruin it the very next day, or if I wore white, I always spilled something on my shirt. If I got too attached to some object, I always ended up breaking it or losing it. The list could go on and on.

Rough fate.  Was it my last name? Fate is defined as the development of events beyond a person’s control. Fate and luck aren’t the same things. I could say that my last name is the reason that I’ve had to struggle in certain aspects of my life, but it isn’t. Just because one of my ancestors had a rough fate and the name was passed down for generations, that doesn’t mean that it’s my fate. 

Over the years, I’ve learned not to be so short-sighted. Those that seemed to “have it all” often really don’t. I learned that some of them thought that I “had it all” when I was barely keeping it together myself. As a society, we are too quick to judge and too short-sighted to see past our internal struggles. Why would anyone pick “rough fate” to be their last name? It’s just a reminder to live every day with intention. Once I got past blaming life circumstances on my struggles, I was able to begin living a happier, open-minded life that didn’t dwell on why things are wrong but focused on why things are right.

I want to hear from my readers. Have you ever felt “behind the clock?” Do you have any funny “behind the clock” stories? Let’s continue the conversation in our Facebook group: MMC Chat.

My favorite links for researching Genealogy:

Surname Database

Ancestry

Forebears

Hi Everyone! Welcome back to Modern Musings! I wanted to mention that not only was Tuesday International Women’s Day but all during the month of March is Women’s History Month in the United States. Although the recognition of Women’s History month is still new, women have been making great strides towards women’s rights and leaving a positive impact on society. The lines between women’s history and women’s rights are often blurred, as women were granted more rights, we have been able to make a bigger impact. 

Some of my favorite females of history are Anne Frank, Laura Ingalls Wilder and Maya Angelou. The reason I admire them so much is that they were humble in the life they lived. They documented their everyday experiences and the world was able to learn so much from them. They didn’t flaunt a fancy lifestyle or insist that their way of living was the correct way. They merely opened a window into their world as they lived it. Their reason for documenting their life wasn’t a means to sell a product or get rich; they wrote because they were called to do it. 

As a scrapbooker, blogger and podcaster I can relate. I want to document my history, as well as my family’s. Through blogging and the podcast, I can share my story with others, both the good stories and the tough challenges. My hope is that I can make at least one person smile, or even go “hmm?” as I make my mark in the world. I feel so lucky, and yes, also privileged, to be able to share my voice. There are so many other women who are not as fortunate as me. That's why it is our jobs, those with a voice that can be heard, to be as loud as possible. I hope that I can use the tools and skills that I have to help empower women.

Celebrating Women’s History is going viral - other countries are starting to recognize women's history online on social media outlets. Let’s keep the conversation going by celebrating women's history and the many accomplishments we have made! Share your voice and join us to continue the conversation on our MMC Chat on Facebook!

Can You Just Stop Complaining?

This week on the podcast, we talked about chapters 3 and 4 of Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” and one of the concepts in those chapters was the idea that the act of complaining comes from the ego and is, in fact, a way for the ego to situate itself as superior to others. As we have discussed in previous episodes on this topic, the ego continually does things to set itself apart from others and to give itself more power. It likes to play the victim. The ego thrives on drama, and the more isolated one feels, the more different, or the more unique, then the stronger the ego becomes. Taking this idea a step further, Tolle tells us that when we complain, we are saying, by implication, that we are right and the other person (or situation) is wrong.

Tolle tells us that to go beyond the ego, we must stop reacting to it. We must stop complaining. But wait! We all complain sometimes, right? Does this mean we can’t ever say anything? That we have to put up with bad service or rude behavior? 

, No, Tolle tells us that there’s a difference between complaining and informing. Informing is passing on important information. It is all about facts, not feelings. There are no accusations. No guilt. No resentment. When you inform, you realize that it’s not personal, so there is no longer a compulsion to react as though it were. When you inform, you are simply letting the clerk know that they gave you the wrong change, or telling the waiter that the soup was cold. In contrast, a complaint is fraught with emotion, often in the form of offense or outrage. A complaint is accusatory. The ego feels insulted, put-upon, wronged. The two reactions are very different, and thus the outcome is also very different.

I find this notion intriguing. I wonder if any of us know just how often we complain. After talking recently with a friend, we both agreed we complain a lot. When my friend mentioned following a social media influencer who was taking part in a 21-day “no complaining” challenge, my immediate thought was, “Oh crap, it’s only 10 AM and I’ve already failed miserably!” Then I laughed and told my friend I didn’t think I could make it even one day. I complain a lot, and I know it.

I come from a long line of complainers. My family and I used to cringe at things my grandmother would say about other people. She was super critical of anyone who wasn’t like her, and even some who were. She would refer to women her age as “that old woman,” and make snide remarks about people’s weight or their clothing. It was embarrassing, but we loved her. My mother was much the same. In her later years, she has complained about every single person on the planet in one way or another. She complains about her food, other people’s hair, or how long she has to wait at the doctor’s office. Lately, I’ve written it off as a symptom of her dementia, but I’m not sure. She’s never happy; or maybe she’s only happy when she has something to complain about.

Over the last few years, I’ve caught myself repeating the same bad behavior. Complaining about waiting in line. Cursing at traffic. Put out by slow service or forgetful waiters. I’ve grumbled about perceived injustice, imagined slights, and honest mistakes. I’ve been judgmental and even rude. When I catch myself, I wince and think, “I sound just like my mother,” and I make a vow to stop. It never lasts long, because sooner or later, some other insignificant something will come along to “ruin” my day, and before I know it, I’m right back where I was before, complaining about everything that isn’t exactly the way I want it to be. 

 

“Ego takes everything personally,” Tolle tells us. And often, in the midst of my complaining, that’s exactly how I feel…as though the universe is out to get me. But of course, that is just my ego. I know this. And lately, I’ve been trying to stop myself (mid-complaint if I’m slow on the draw). Tolle assures us that the moment we become aware of the voice in our head as nothing more than a conditioned pattern (the ego), then that ego is weakened. We also know that whatever you have learned (like complaining), we can also unlearn.

 

I guess that means there is hope for me yet. Maybe someday complaining will no longer be a habit for me. I try to imagine a world in which no one complained. What a wonderful world that would be. I’m willing to give it a try. Are you?

 

I’d like to challenge you to go a day without complaining. Or maybe just see how long you can go without complaining. Can you go for an hour? A day? A week? More? Tell us about it in the comments below or join the conversation on our Facebook Chat Group.

Heard It on the Podcast - March 9

Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. Here's the links for this week:

9-MAR-2022

S2E11: A New Earth, Chapters 3 and 4

• Eckhart Tolle, "A New Earth": https://amzn.to/3hblVm4

And don't forget our sincere thanks to:

• Creative Audio Tech/Red Door Studios: http://www.creativeaudiotech.com

As an Amazon Affiliate, Modern Musings earns from qualifying purchases. 

All the World is a Stage

Hey everyone! On our podcast this week we are continuing our discussion on Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”, and we are examining the concepts in chapter 3 “The Core of the Ego” and 4 “Role Playing: The Many Faces of the Ego.”

Role-playing: As a former Theatre teacher, the concept of role-playing stands out to me. Shakespeare wrote in one of his famous monologues, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players,” meaning that all humans have roles that they play in life. In his speech, Shakespeare presents the roles humans play as they age, while Tolle presents the different roles the ego plays throughout a human’s life. So, in a sense, roles within a role.

According to Shakespeare, there are seven roles or “ages” of man:

1. The baby: This age represents humans as helpless and innocent. They rely on others to help them survive the world.
2. The child: This age represents humans as they are young and idealistic. They are just venturing out of their house into the world to attend school.
3. The young man: This age represents a teenager hitting puberty and falling in love for the first time. Although still young and idealistic, they know a little bit more about life outside their parents’ house.
4. The soldier: This age represents a young adult venturing out of their parents’ house and earning a reputation with their first job. Shakespeare describes this age as quick to fight and quick to judge.
5. The justice: This age represents a somewhat older individual who is now working hard and earning money for themselves and their family.
6. The older man: This age represents retirement as a person grows older and thinner, but still wants to maintain their youthful appearance.
7. The old man: This age represents old age as humans begin to slip into their second childhood and become helpless and innocent. This age also represents the fact that life has come full circle. Humans start helpless and innocent, and they end helpless and innocent. Their last role to play is also childlike.

Within these roles, according to Tolle, the ego has its own roles to play, and most of them are attention-seeking roles. Tolle suggests that these roles start in childhood. Some very common attention-seeking roles that humans play are:

• The Villain: At a young age, these roles become apparent. The protagonist and the antagonist. The “good” guy and the “bad” guy. These roles are personified in every story ever made. In every Shakespeare play ever written. A common villain role is that of a criminal. Criminals often commit crimes to get caught. To get that attention that the ego looks for. Criminologists have tried to explain the motivations behind criminals going back centuries. Criminologists suggest that reasons for committing a crime include greed, anger, jealousy, revenge, or pride. All of these negative emotions relate to the attention-seeking ego. According to Tolle, “some egos perpetrate crimes in search of fame.” Negative attention is also attention.
• The Victim: This is a very common role in the sense that the attention the victim seeks is sympathy from others. In psychology, this could also be called a narcissist. Humans play the victim to keep the attention on them and only them. “Victims” often claim the negative actions of others or society contribute to them being the way they are.

Letting go of self-definitions is one way Tolle suggests that humans shed the roles they have chosen to play in their life. However, humans are obsessed with categorizing things. Those that refuse to identify with certain religions and genders are considered different and weird. However, it is also becoming more common for people to let go of self-definitions. Many people simply refuse to fit into a specific category.

While a person cannot let go of their roles in Shakespeare’s “ages of man,” you can let go of the “roles within your roles” and free your mind from the attention-seeking obligations of the ego. Yes, at certain times in your life you may be a victim or a villain, but you do not have to play that role all the time. Tolle suggests that these roles can only be temporary if you are open to finding true happiness.

I want to know what our readers think. Have you played any of these roles- in your life? How did you get past these roles or are you still playing them? Let’s continue the conversation on our Facebook Group: MMC Chat.

Shakespeare’s Speech from Poetry Foundation:

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav’d, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

Cups and What They Represent in My Life

Cups symbolize many things in modern culture today. It’s amazing to think this simple three-letter word, cup, has so many meanings. At the beginning, when I was first drafting my ideas for this prompt, I was really stuck. I was not ready to take on a daunting task of research into an unfamiliar topic, or do a lot of deep soul diving. I kept saying to myself, “Cups, cups, cups….” and nothing extraordinary would come up. Varying images of drink ware, bras, and movies with cups as a central theme in them (Monty Python’s The Holy Grail and M. Night Shyamalan's Signs, both fantastic films), seemed to keep blocking any other thoughts from developing. My mental cup was full of all the wrong things. Ok, think, brain…

Immediately my first thought that came up was a nice warm cup of coffee – like mother, like daughter. What can I say, it is my favorite beverage. I have a lot of favorite cups and specific types of cups for my various favorite beverages. Growing up my mom had these old aluminum cups that were passed down in her family. I was only ever interested in drinking milk from them. I could taste the cup in the drink if I put anything else in these special cups. It almost seemed that the cup could make the milk colder. As a kid, anytime I invited a friend over, I was sure to show off our amazing aluminum milk cups. Still to this day, mom has some updated aluminum cups and I poured Reyna’s first glass of milk at “Lulu’s” in one to see if she would enjoy the sensation. 

I am the same way with my other drinks. I have a whole cabinet of cups, but I only like to drink out of maybe six of them, mostly because they have lids and keep my drink hot or cold. More metal cups – it must be my thing. My husband, on the other hand, is a collector of cups. He sees them when he goes thrifting and will pick up oddities, collectibles and souvenir glasses from other people’s vacations - places he has never even been before. I roll my eyes because I don’t understand the compulsion, but I too, continue to add to the collection. Before living with Travis, my cupboard was neat and my drinking vessels were organized by purpose and style. Now they are just tossed in there every which way, and I just hang my head in defeat; this is how my husband likes to store them. I gave up. I was just wasting time every day going in after him to organize them. 

My Hot Mess of Cups

This year before the Christmas holiday, I purchased several themed mugs. I only used them during the Christmas season, and then packed them away with the rest of the decorations. It was fun to have a cute mug every day to enjoy my favorite beverage. To me, the cup symbolizes comfort and routine. For my husband, it represents nostalgia, fantasies of travel, and brands that he identifies with. 

I have other memories that involve a cup. One is an especially memorable moment with my grandfather, Poppy. I remember nervously holding a disposable cup full of crushed ice and feeding it to him, with a disposable teaspoon while he lay incoherent in a hospital bed. Mom and I had rushed to see him, and we got there in the middle of the night. He was in and out all evening. The doctors didn’t think he was going to make it. In feeding him ice cubes, I felt insecure, my only experience had been spoon feeding my baby brother. He hadn’t been old enough to judge me if I was doing it wrong. It meant a great deal to me to feed my grandfather ice cubes, though. In my mind, his life depended on it, and it might be the last time I spent with him. Caring for my Poppy in that moment had felt like the most mature and grown up task I had ever undertaken. I realized in that moment of awkwardness and insecurity that the tables had turned. I don’t remember the incident (for obvious reasons), but I have the photo, which I cherish – my grandfather had spoon fed me baby food, and it had been a big deal, so someone captured it on film. My grandmother would always mention how he had never fed his kids, but he had willingly fed me, his first granddaughter. 

Circa 1984

And yet, the cup, with its versatility, can easily invoke disorienting feelings. Méret Oppenheim’s piece titled Object sends ripples of dislike through many viewers. It’s a tea cup covered in fur! That's a whole lot of “no” for me, as it is with many people. I have a thing about textures. If you haven't the slightest idea what I am talking about, you should check it out; it is located at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. This juxtaposition started a huge buzz! The whole concept of a commonly useful object being altered to induce sensations that it would not typically otherwise invoke from the observer is exactly why it is considered an important piece of our art history. The whole purpose is to get you to feel and to think! I’m not here to dispute what art is or isn’t, but just to marvel at the powerful suggestions this piece of artwork induces. I remember the first time I cracked open an art textbook and found an image of this piece. I literally shuddered, my nose tickled, and I swear I mentally coughed up a fur ball. It’s just a cup, like any other cup, but it holds a much deeper meaning. 

Sometimes a cup can bring on the sense of victory. We have used cups as symbolism for our trophies since the days of the Roman Empire. When someone was given an award for victory, they were given olive oil, hence the trophy cup imagery. I still, to this day, remember when the Dallas Stars, my local hockey team, won the Stanley Cup Finals. Talk about a big cup, it weighs over thirty pounds and looks more like a bowl. Tradition allows each player to spend one day with the trophy. Our boys took that cup on a rager and punted it into a swimming pool, and that was not the first time it had been taken for a swim! I do like the idea of the players taking the cup out for a joyride to celebrate. Maybe we should call it the Flat Stanley Cup.

Stanley Cup 1930

Although this writing exercise was a challenge, I did enjoy just picking my brain for a moment. I challenge you to do the same! Whether it is a measuring cup, k-cup, something that’s not your cup of tea, tarot cup, finals cup, or bra cup for that matter, there are memories and feelings that the word cup invokes. It’s an everyday item that everyone uses, but we rarely give much attention. Do you have any special memories that involve a cup? What does the word cup draw up in your mind? Let me know in the comments! 

How I Filled My Cup

Filling my cup. What an interesting concept, this metaphor. As an English teacher, I am obsessed with words but what does this metaphor mean? It can be taken in a few ways. I have always thought of myself as a “glass half full” person – an optimist. I might be depleting something, but at least there is something left. Let’s call the “something” in the glass “energy”. Let’s also say that the “cup” in this situation is you, the reader. Is your energy half full or half empty? What are some ways that you can fill your cup with life-sustaining energy without overfilling it?

First, you need to sit back and decide what kind of energy your cup already has in it. Let’s back up. What even is “energy?” If you are not a metaphysical or “meta” person, you might not be fully aware of the energies surrounding us or our life force. In different cultures, the source of life, or life force, takes on different identities such as “Chi” or “Qi” in Chinese culture, and “Mana” in Hawaiian culture. This energy is, of course, different than scientific energy (kinetic, potential, mechanical, etc.). In Chinese culture, there are two types of energy: positive energy and negative energy. I’m going to go a step further and say there are different types of positive and negative energies. It is all in how you present yourself to the world.

A friend of mine has been recently struggling with a negative influence in her life. She asked me why she attracts such negative people. I told her that it was the energy she gives out into the world. In the past, I have called her “friend goals” because everyone wants to be her friend. She is the most positive person I know. Her cup is overflowing with positive energy, and she spreads it freely out into the world. People line up to drink from her “positive cup.” I know this because I have the same problem. I’ve learned to combat it over the years, but I often wondered why I felt so down and drained. It was because I was attracting the same type of people in my life (friends, relationships, family, etc) that wanted a drink of my positive energy.

Three years ago, I decided that I needed to make a major life change, and I continued to do so as I shed physical weight and the mental weight of the unrealistic expectations of toxic people. The more I did these things, the more I realized that I had a lifetime of negativity fighting for my positivity and that included negative expectations I had of myself. The first thing I did was quit my job and then I moved to a new town. I thought that physically distancing myself from all the toxic energy would help, and it did for a while, but I had to do more than that. My cup was drained of positive energy.  The negative people in my life were suddenly making themselves known, and my cup began to fill with their negative energy. I started doing things in my life that I wouldn’t normally do, such as calling in sick to work and spending money carelessly.

A year and a half ago, after my ex-husband and I separated, I started on a journey of self-reflection. There were still so many wrong things in my life that I needed to change physically and mentally. My cup began to fill again with positive energy, and it attracted positive people in my life once again. I reconnected with old friends and family that I hadn’t seen for years. I even started doing the things that I loved again, which led me to write this blog and start a podcast with my friends.

Things I did to fill my cup with positivity and bring my life back into balance:

• I started writing again: Writing is my favorite pastime over anything else. I started writing (and reading) at a young age. When I was in sixth grade, I wrote my first book. I published my first poem when I was 17 years old. Last year, Christen convinced me to start creative journaling, and it went from there. Now I have truly adopted a concept I teach in my classroom, which is to write every day.

• I tried new things: When I started writing again, I started exploring the area near my house (amid the pandemic, of course) and I began ordering from new restaurants that I wouldn’t normally have tried. I also started writing restaurant reviews on Instagram. When restrictions eased up, I started trying new coffee shops, and I began to develop a small following. In January, I implemented a “22 coffee moments in 2022” challenge on my Instagram Ms.Garvin.Writes.

• I reconnected with my spirituality: In 2014, my mom had a series of strokes, and I gave up my job and everything I knew to move in with her and take care of her. Until my marriage separation, I had become a caretaker of others and not for myself. Aside from writing, I also put my spiritual pursuits on the backburner. Recently, I started studying them again. I had never lost my spirituality and my interest in the metaphysical, but it had become dormant as I began to live my life for other people.

• I unpacked: I moved to my current place last summer. As I was moving, I realized that I hadn’t opened any of the boxes since I moved in with my mom in early 2015. I hadn’t seen my things in six years. I had moved so much in that time that I started to leave things in boxes and never unpacked. I decided that I was going to unpack ALL of my boxes. That was cathartic. I laughed and I cried at all of the memories I had missed.

• I got rid of the excess: After I unpacked every single box that I had carried with me from place to place, I began to declutter. I had so many things that I didn’t need or want, such as kitchen gadgets I would never use or books I would never read. I had boxes of mail from years before. If you have never decluttered before, it is the most uplifting feeling.

• I started self-care routines: I have written before about losing weight and losing clothes to mold damage. As I replaced my damaged and oversized wardrobe, I began to buy clothes that fit properly. In addition to my new body confidence, I started a skincare routine, and I started wearing makeup that interested me.

• I started counseling: This was a big turning point for me because I hadn’t fully worked through the death of my parents. When I began the divorce process, the stress in my life came to a peak, and I began to have almost daily panic attacks. I had used the excuse in the past that mental healthcare was unaffordable and that I didn’t need it. I suddenly realized that my cup was empty. I needed to talk to somebody about the things that had been going on in my life. Someone that didn’t know and wouldn't judge me. We all need that sometimes. 

All life has to have balance. In a perfect world, your cup would be filled with an adequate amount of everything you need, and it would have the right balance of positive and negative energy. We have to actively work to keep that balance, or we spiral out of control. It is an everyday struggle for me not to give in to the negative influences that drain my cup. The best advice I can give is to find the things that make you happy and work for them. Fill your cup with that. If something is draining your cup, detox it from your life.
I want to hear from my readers: What has been draining your cup lately? Comment here or continue the conversation in our Facebook group, MMC Chat.

Heard It on the Podcast - March 2

 

Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. Here's the links for this week:

2-MAR-2022

S2E10: Cups

• Ali Edwards "Just Write": https://aliedwards.com/subscribe/just-write
• Borgbilly/Sonic Biscuit 365 Project: https://soundcloud.com/mark-murray-2
• Eckhart Tolle, "A New Earth": https://amzn.to/3hblVm4
• Creative Audio Tech/Red Door Studios: http://www.creativeaudiotech.com

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