Meeting Mr. Right and Little Miss

During the podcast this week we discussed modern dating - and more specifically online dating. I think we touched base on just about everything there is about online dating, I even disclosed that I met my husband through an online dating service. I thought I might share a little bit more about how we met and came to be.

I honestly felt like there was no other way I was going to meet a decent man, I was creeping up on the last half of my thirties and I was still single. I had to use online dating. I was not going to meet a guy solely by conducting day to day affairs or within my hobbies. I think many people can relate to that, though. There are various ways for people to get out and meet friendly singles doing the things that they love, you just gotta get out there. But statistics were not in my favor, probably 75% or more scrapbookers are women - maybe even more than that. There are just not a lot of guys into that sort of thing. I didn’t want to meet someone at a bar, because that’s not the scene I am into. And I didn’t want to join yet another club just to meet a single guy. I am thankful for the online dating community, without it – I would probably still be single. I am also thankful that the stigma of meeting someone online is starting to fall by the wayside.

I had decided that investing the money into a paid membership would yield good results. I wanted to meet someone who was willing to make that same investment, I figured that would limit my chances of being catfished. I have to admit, I had been catfished in the past, thankfully I knew better and recognized the signs early enough that my heart and wallet were not a victim of this crime, which has grown at an alarming rate in the past decade. Dating scams in general happen all over the internet, on paid dating sites as well as free ones, so keep your guard up and stay alert for anything out of the ordinary.

Travis, my husband, and I spoke back and forth on the dating website until I was comfortable sharing my contact information with him. He was never pushy to meet in person, or to get my phone number right away. That is one way that he helped create a comfortable setting to nourish our growing connection into a relationship. If you encounter someone being pushy about meeting you right away or taking the conversation offline (to your personal phone), it is a good idea to back away, pushiness is always a quick sign that the other person has ulterior motives. Most social media platforms and dating websites have an embedded communication platform that is safe to use directly on their site. You don’t have to give out your personal contact information until you are 100% comfortable with sharing it. Additionally, anyone sending illicit images or texts should also be disregarded immediately. I am a firm believer that you only get one chance to impress me (or unimpress me) in the online dating community. I don’t waste time with those who intend to harass me. I wouldn't tolerate it in real life, so why would I tolerate it virtually?

In the past I would not have dated a man with children - I had steered clear as much as possible. I was always afraid to get into a relationship that had children involved. I often saw men’s profiles mention being a parent, but not have much else to say about being a father. That was a red flag for me. I had dated a man in the past that had kept his child a secret. He had stated that it was because he did not know how I would react. Well, he got a reaction out of me that was not in his favor. I just couldn’t understand someone being a parent and not even having one thing to say about their child - all I do is talk about mine!  Travis had mentioned on his profile how he enjoyed playing video games with his daughter and he was more than willing to share details about her personality and their relationship dynamic. He was also willing to provide details about his previous marriage. It meant a great deal to me that he was willing to share so that I could understand their situation. I can understand why some people would like to keep their children private for safety reasons, but we can be quick to judge negatively when someone does not disclose that they are a parent.

After talking to Travis on the phone daily for about 2 months, we had already planned out future dates for some fun activities together. I recommend spending lots of time getting to know each other before rushing out to go on a date. Really get to know each other and then plan something fun that you will both enjoy and look forward to. It's ok to go grab dinner, but If you can think of another activity to go with it, take your time and plan it out. I knew that Travis, like myself, was into Harry Potter, so when I saw that the Fort Worth Symphony was performing Harry Potter music by my favorite modern day composer, John Williams, I knew we had to go to that together. We also planned a quick safe-space meeting prior to the “first date”. This was not an actual date, but a chance for us to meet face to face in a safe open environment for just a brief moment. Looking back, I think this was a great way to meet and have the opportunity to bail out if we decided that we did not like each other. So we met at McDonald's for a quick coffee - yes, so very romantic, I know, but let me explain. 

Some people may be against the “coffee date” because they want to be wined-and-dined. I say, get over this foolishness, once you meet the right person, then you can spend all your hard earned money on each other. People can be flakey and not very serious about dating, and their main concern is being taken out on a date, just for the free meal. That's the old way of dating, and no one should have to put up with that. People can now go on a coffee date so that they can get to know one another without all the hoopla. If you suggest a “coffee date” and they turn you down, and say that you are a cheapskate, then you might have dodged a bullet on that one. 

And on the contrary, insist on going on a date, and insist that you meet in public. Insist that you are given the effort and fine details of an actual date. Don’t settle for “Netflix and Chill” if you are looking for more than just a fling. Don’t be afraid to set your boundaries up front - anyone with decency that is willing to honor your boundaries will give you that respect. You can change the boundaries at any time – as long as you communicate those boundaries clearly. Anyone worth their word will be willing to accept your boundaries and respect you. Don’t make excuses for people who ignore or abuse your boundaries.

After meeting a few times, it was plain to see that Travis and I wanted to take things more seriously. Travis invited me to a family gathering, so that I could easily meet his daughter, without making Reyna feel uncomfortable. I was able to meet my step-daughter as well as friends and family in a large group setting which made it less awkward for me as I’m not as comfortable with one-on-one meetings. It made it more relaxing, and I could come and go as I saw fit. Then it was not long before Travis and Reyna came over to meet my family and he and Reyna fit right in. 

There are always going to be ups and downs in any relationship, but it shouldn't be complicated. If you ever find yourself making excuses for the following behaviors and there is not a reasonable explanation, then it's probably safe to say that the other person is not emotionally available for a serious relationship or it is not worth the heartache to get overly involved.

• They do not respect the boundaries you set forth.
• They failed to mention they are a parent.
• They are in between jobs.
• They have a spouse they are still living with.
• They cannot provide their own transportation.
• They insist on meeting you in person shortly after getting online.
• Their online profile is vague and generic.
• They are “out of the country on work”.
• Their lifestyle seems larger than life or too good to be true.
• They ask you to send them money - for any reason.
• They don’t want to meet in public, or insist on “Netflix and chill”.
• They still have not introduced you to their friends or family - you determine the time frame.

My story may not sound like the most epic, but in reality it was pretty epic. I would have never crossed paths with my husband, had we not met online. Through the technology of today, I met a wonderful man, who takes such good care of me and the young lady I now consider to be “our” daughter. Yes, I became a mom too - and I was not even trying! I knew what I wanted, what I didn’t want, and I set my boundaries, and didn’t accept poor behavior from those who disregarded them. I had to put my heart out there - but you have to do that regardless of whether it’s online, or, for lack of better words, traditional dating.

I’d love to know what you think about online dating and your experiences. Have you been catfished or tricked by someone online from a dating website? Did you meet the one? Be sure to leave a comment or stop by our Facebook page here to continue the conversation.

Heard It on the Podcast - February 16

Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. Here's the links for this week:

16-FEB-2022

S2E8: Dating and Modern Technology

• Don't Date Him Girl: https://www.dontdatehimgirl.com
• Events and Adventures: https://www.eventsandadventures.com
• Meetup.com: http://www.meetup.com

Finding Love After Quarantine

Online dating is the act of searching for a romantic partner on the internet through either an app or a website. In 2022, according to Pew Research, one in three adults in America have used online dating at least once in their lifetime to find a partner. Online dating has become the second most popular way to find a significant other, largely in part, to the rise in dating apps and the ability to simply swipe left or right.

Matchmaking using technology is not as new as it seems. According to the article “Love at First Swipe: The Evolution of Online Dating,” the first computer-based matching service was invented in 1965 by two Harvard students looking for love. It started with a 75-question survey and a $3 fee for applicants. Over 90,000 people signed up for the service and the concept of computer-based matchmaking was born. Since then, using technology to meet people has only become more common. According to the article, 70 percent of Americans use some form of social media, and one-quarter of the country is online most of the day.

In 2020, my ex-husband and I separated after a seven-year relationship; we eventually divorced almost a year after we first separated. I hadn’t entered the dating scene in almost a decade, and I was absolutely terrified. Dating post-quarantine was hard. It wasn’t safe to go to social functions to meet someone, so many naturally turned to online dating, even if they had never experienced it before. Fortunately, I had, and I freely admit it. I met my ex-husband, randomly, on a website called Plenty of Fish. I had recently moved back to my hometown of Vernon, Texas, in early 2014 after twelve years away, and didn’t know anyone in the area anymore other than family.

After divorce, I was a little wary of dating again because I had only had bad experiences, but I was willing to put myself out there. I went through all the stages of an anxiety attack. Was I too old to date? Am I too set in my ways to start over? Do I even have time to date?

I joined Facebook Date (which launched in 2019 but didn’t become popular until 2020). After only meeting scammers, I put the app aside and decided to take a break from dating. During that time, I randomly matched with Jason, my current boyfriend. However, I told him that I wasn’t interested in dating, but we could be friends and we added each other on Snapchat. After that, we talked a few times a week and developed a friendship. Several months later, he asked me out on a date, but I was still wary of online dating. I eventually said yes to a date and I’m glad I did. Next week we are going to celebrate our six-month anniversary. 

My takeaway:

• In 2022 we should all be cautious over meeting someone online. 

• Always talk and get to know someone first and then agree to meet in person. 

• You are never too old to start over. I started my life over at 36 from scratch and I feel like I’m a better person for it. 

• Don’t let anxiety get to you. 

• You are enough, and if you are still looking, don’t force it because it will naturally happen.

A note of caution: Since the pandemic, online dating scams have been on the rise. If you are online dating, be wary of scammers. The scammers that I have met during my time online dating usually pretend to be in the military looking for a connection overseas or a businessperson that travels a lot. These people are charming and full of compliments. They are also usually way younger or way older. If you pay attention to the way they write, you can usually tell a scammer by their grammar. Their grammar is near perfect but there are often unusual changes in tenses. According to the article “Heartbreakers, dream fakers, money takers: Romance scams are rising,” romance scams have increased 197% in 2020 compared to 2019 which has resulted in millions of dollars lost. 

I want to hear from our readers: What are your experiences dating online? Has anyone had to recently start over in the dating game? What is your advice? Let’s continue the conversation on our Facebook Group!

Vision Boards: Are they Magical, Scientific, or Just Fun?

 Hi there, it’s Christen!

This week on the blog and podcast we have been talking about vision boards! Cindy discussed various types of vision boards and Amber discussed how they can be artistic as well as inspirational and educational. I wanted to touch up on the aspect of vision boards being used for manifesting - and how the process works. 

When I was younger, I thought of vision boards as a big collage that I could create with images that I liked; a display of my style or images that expressed me visually. When I think about vision boards now, I see this powerful tool that anyone can use, a tool that wills your desires to life. So when I said, “Hey let's talk about vision boards”, what I really wanted to talk about is the power to manifest- through vision boards. 

First I want to touch on what manifesting is. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, the word manifest (verb) means to show something clearly, through signs or actions. Hence, manifesting means visible evidence is produced or occurs based on some sort of action. Think of the concept of cause and effect; action/thought creates a reaction.

The term manifesting has been trending all over social media for the past few years, but influencers that walked this earth centuries before the invention of social media have long been attesting to the power of the mind. The commonality is that our mindset is the origin of our life's blessings. Consider these:

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

– Mark 11:24

"The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you already are."

- Rumi

“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

- Newton’s third law

Newton was talking about physical science, but it is still relevant. We are talking about bringing something into reality with thought and action. Now, we are going to take a deeper dive into what the act of manifesting is in a later discussion, so I don’t want to take you down that rabbit hole today. I just want to give you a little taste of what it is, if you have not heard of it before. 

I highly recommend the book “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. You can also watch a piece on Netflix about it - I actually recommend that first, because it's a quick watch with a high impact. It is a great source of inspiration and information on how to manifest by using the law of attraction, which is, in-a-nutshell, a condensed version of the Hermetic Principles. “The Secret” explains it in a way that is easy to understand. All you have to do is think positively about what you want (and not about what you don’t want), believe that it will come to you, and it will manifest into your life. 

How does manifesting work with vision boards, you ask? There are a few questions you will need to ask yourself to help get you started. Following this process will take your simple collage from just an artistic expression to something that not only looks good, but will work for you behind the scenes. 

1. Determine what you want to manifest. Are you wanting to manifest a better version of you? Do you have a specific goal in mind, or some area in your life that you want to improve? 

2. Envision you at your best self; what are you doing, what is around you, what is your day like? Sit and close your eyes for a moment. Stop and really speak to yourself. Get a detailed glimpse of what you want in your mind.

3. What actions do you need to take to get to that best version of yourself or reach the goal?

4. Now you are ready to collect images. Ensure that your vision board includes images and words that relate to your best self, your goal or whatever it is that you want to manifest. Pick out images that speak to you. Avoid any images that are things you don’t want.

The act of creating your vision board is enough to start the process. Now that you have created your vision board though, the idea is to keep it where you can see it everyday. I believe that this is a key component to making the vision board work. When you look upon it, even for a microsecond, your subconscious is reminded of this best self you have envisioned. Consistently triggering your subconscious is an important part of the process. Since your subconscious is being triggered often with these images, your mind will take actions (or thought processes will generate choices) that you may not even notice making. This will lead you towards things related to your vision that you see in real life. If you are interested in the science behind this, a great starting point to read is this article in Psychology Today. 

In short, just hang that vision board up where you can see it often, and let it do its thing - or you do your thing. Whatever you believe, whether it magically comes to fruition, you are tricking your subconscious, or you just like to make pretty collages that make you feel good, it doesn't matter; what does matter is that you are doing something for yourself that makes you feel good, and you are surrounding yourself with positive imagery. 

What do you think? Are vision boards effective? Have  you made one and seen the power in action? I would love to know what you think in the comments. Don’t forget to follow us on social media, and continue the conversation in our Facebook Group MMC Chat.

*Please note, as an Amazon Affiliate, we earn from qualifying purchases.

Creating a Vision

In my blog last week, I talked about creating a vision wall for my students that incorporated inspirational quotes related to their goals. This week, I wanted to talk about my thoughts on vision boards and how I incorporate them into my life. I recently did a mini vision board for my Cultivate What Matters goal planner and I realized that I hadn’t made a vision board (or collage) for myself in years. I had forgotten how satisfying it could be.

Cultivate What Matters Vision Board

The making of vision boards (and art) in my family goes back to my grandmother, whom we call Maw Maw. I would stay with her during the summer and she taught me that art was not just paintings and sculptures. Vision boards can be art, too. Every summer, my Maw Maw and I would sit around the table, and we would cut up magazines and use sewing scraps to make colorful boards. We didn’t have any goals in mind, and the boards didn’t have any purpose other than to add color and whimsy to my bedroom, but I realized later in life that they were, in fact, vision boards.

What is a vision board anyway? Vision boards are a collage of images and words representing someone’s wishes and goals. I didn’t know any better because Maw Maw just told me to cut out things I liked, and my love for collages grew from there. In high school, I decided to do collages on a different scale, which encompassed my bedroom door, wall, and bookshelves. I called it a “living collage” and I incorporated it later in life in my classroom. Except my classroom vision boards don’t necessarily represent life goals, but rather learning goals.

Board focusing on female authors.

How can teachers incorporate vision boards in their classrooms?

• Word Walls: These are a collage in the classroom that is focused specifically on vocabulary learning. Every time we learn a new focus-vocabulary word in my classroom, I post the word on the word wall for students to reference in the future.

Word Walls

• Bulletin Boards: Bulletin boards are typically focused on a general behavior or a specific topic that is being used in the classroom. I have included here two different boards that I have done in the past. One is focused on kindness and the other is focused on female writers.

2019 Classroom Bulletin Board

• Anchor Charts: Anchor charts are another way students can focus on vocabulary or classroom concepts from a visual standpoint. This is an anchor chart I have made to remind students of annotation goals.

Notice and Note Anchor Chart

• Quote Walls (mentioned in my last blog): This is another inspirational quote wall that I used a few years ago in my classroom called “Litspiration” focusing on inspirational quotes from literature.

Litspiration Wall

• Student Work: Putting student work on the wall sets standards and goals for other students to elevate their assignments. Student work can also be considered an anchor chart. This photo is a mask symbolism project that my students created while reading Edgar Allan Poe’s “Masque of the Red Death.”

• One-Pagers: This is a type of vision board or collage that represents themes from a written work or study unit. Different media and concepts are outlined. Teachers can make these to plan their unit or students can make these to demonstrate what they learned after a unit of study. Below is a One-Pager that a student crafted after a unit of study on the themes of friendship and mental hardships with the novel Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.

Vision boards can be incorporated in many ways. Aside from goal-setting, they are a powerful tool for learning and can be relaxing to make. I want to hear from our readers. What types of vision boards do you make? If you are in education, do you make vision boards for your classroom? Don’t forget to follow us on social media and continue the conversation in our Facebook Group MMC Chat.

Heard It on the Podcast - February 9

Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. Here's the links for this week:

9-FEB-2022

S2E7: Vision Boards

• One Little Word: https://aliedwards.com/one-little-word-2021
• PowerSheets: http://www.cultivatewhatmatters.com

Visual Inspiration to Drive Your Goals

Hey Friends! This week we are talking about Vision Boards. I’m sure you’ve heard of them because everyone seems to be talking about them this time of year, but really, they are nothing new. Designers have been using “Mood Boards” and “Design Boards” for decades to help clients and team members visualize what the designer has in mind. These kinds of vision boards often have sketches, paint chips, fabric swatches, and magazine or catalog clippings that bring the concept to life. Law Enforcement also uses a type of vision board that you’ve probably seen on television.  They will use maps with pinned locations, newspaper articles, mugshot photos, and even scraps of evidence pinned to a bulletin board. Laying out all the pieces in this visual manner often helps the investigators see patterns that they might have missed when looking at documents and files in a stack. 

Modern Vision Boards really aren't that much different. Visual references and reminders are a powerful tool for developing habits and routines, increasing memory retention, and so much more. Even when we don’t consciously think about what we are seeing, our subconscious brain registers those visual cues and emotional responses. That’s why it’s very important to surround ourselves with positive inspiration and visual aids to help us along our journey to achieve our goals. By setting intention in everything we do, including what we see in our everyday environment, we are laying the best and most solid foundation for the path to our best life.

Today, I’m sharing with you a little video that Amber, Christen, and I made to share our vision board creation process. Please bear with us…as you can see, we are not videographers, but we’re learning!

I hope you enjoyed our video, and more importantly, I hope it inspires you to create a vision board of your own. It’s super easy, but it can add up to great results! I hope you’ll share yours on our Facebook group, MMC Chat.

Inspiration in the Classroom

This coming week’s topic is about Vision Boards and this year I've used a different variation of a vision board in my classroom to inspire my students to realize their SMART Goals.

Inspiration Board

Several weeks ago I wrote about using One Word and S.M.A.R.T. Goals in the classroom. At the beginning of the new year, I like to teach my students about goal-setting. Goals have always been very important to me. If we don’t set goals, how will we grow?

I always start by having my students write a letter to their future selves. In their letter, they must describe some goals that they have for the year and how they want to achieve them. I encourage them to dream big when they are coming up with their initial goals. When they are done, I ask them if their goals are SMART.

At this point, the students have given me a random selection of goals ranging from becoming the next great ballplayer to becoming rich enough to buy the things they want in life. Some have more practical goals like passing math class for the year or doing well on their upcoming state tests. Asking the students if their goals are SMART usually stumps them until I explain that SMART means “specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely.” Then I ask my students to make their goals more specific. 

For example, if their goal is to have money, I ask them how they can have more money. The answer is usually something along the lines of getting a job. After a series of questions (you can find them here), they are able to write a more accessible goal, such as finding a job by the end of May. Once they have written their goal, they can begin planning the steps that they need to take and measuring out how long it will take to achieve that goal.

Normally, I also have my students choose a focus word for the year and we discuss One Word. This year, I decided to do something different and inspire (my word) my students to find ways to inspire others. One way I did this was to have my students find inspirational quotes to match their SMART goals. Afterward, my students made quote posters displaying their favorite quotes from their research. In the hallway outside my classroom, I made a huge quote collage (or vision board) to inspire other classes as they pass my classroom. The students, themselves, also enjoy looking at their posters in the hallway and reading what inspires their classmates. All in all, it is a fun activity to start the year off with.

I want to hear from my readers about what inspires them. If you have a favorite quote please drop it in the comments below or continue the conversation here on our Facebook group.

Grateful for My Girlfriends

I’ll be the first to admit that Galentine’s Day isn’t something I normally celebrate. I’ve been married longer than Galentine’s Day has even been in existence, and although I do give Valentine’s cards to my children and other close family members, my time goes to my husband, Mark. I do love to spend time with my special girlfriends, though, and so I’ll use any excuse to host or organize a little get-together. That’s why, Amber, Christen, and I will be hosting a little Galentine’s dinner of our own this year.

Although I’ve never celebrated Galentine’s Day, I have hosted my fair share of “Girls Night” events. They usually involve dinner and a movie, or maybe cocktails at my house while we enjoy some kind of shopping party or card games, but we’ve done other outings, too. My crafty friends and I have delighted in many day trips to local scrapbooking stores, conventions, and craft parties. It’s something that has been curtailed to the extreme due to COVID, but now that most of us are vaccinated (and some of us have had COVID in spite of it), we feel safer being around each other and we’re looking to get back in the habit.

Hanging out with my friends (under any circumstance) is one of the things I do for self-care. Getting out of the house and surrounding myself with these remarkable and talented women helps me forget the stress of work, home, and health issues while I soak up a lot of love, inspiration, support, and joy. If it weren’t for this small group of ladies (and I hope they know who they are!), I could not have made it through two years of COVID, caring for my mother and our dear friend on hospice while supporting my niece (who is also one of my besties!), trying to keep my business afloat, and dealing with my own medical issues. They have accepted me for who I am, supported me in every hair-brained idea, and encouraged me to keep exploring who I am and what I want out of life. I see most of them on a weekly basis, talk to a few almost every day, and some are such old friends that we can pick up a conversation after an absence of weeks as though we’d never stopped. Two of them have even joined me in creating this podcast and blog.

That’s why I am so excited about hosting this Galentine’s Day. I want to make sure all these special ladies know how much they mean to me, and I want to do it in style. A nice dinner, an exchange of cards, and lots of laughter. It’s just what we all need to let off steam and remind us of what’s really important. So, here’s to my besties, young, old, and wherever they are in between. Thanks for being my friends, and I hope we get to spend a lot more time together in 2022! 

Heard It on the Podcast - February 2

Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. Here's the links for this week:

2-FEB-2022

S2E6: Give a Little Love

• The Five Love Languages: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language