What are these Questions?

 

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation that suddenly turns boring and predictable? Do you yearn for discussions that dive into the core of human nature, ethics, and personal beliefs? If so, Gregory Stock, PhD's "The Book of Questions" might be perfect for you. This week on the podcast, we explore this book of questions and answer some of them ourselves.

What is this book of questions, though? It’s not a traditional book with a storyline. Instead, it's a collection of open-ended questions covering a wide range of topics, including morality questions, relationships, ambitious questions, and questions about the mysteries of life. Gregory Stock, PhD, a biophysicist, and renowned author, crafted these questions to challenge readers to reflect on their values and assumptions.

When thinking about this book of questions in the post-podcast recording, I can’t help but ask myself why questions matter. Questions have always been important to human progress and self-understanding. They raise curiosity, drive research, and encourage personal growth. The questions in this book are powerful because they often lack straightforward answers. They push us to consider different perspectives and explore the nuances of our beliefs. When asked these questions during the podcast, Christen and I became frustrated because they lacked our desired answers.

Here are some sample questions from the book:

• Ethics and Morality: "If a close friend murdered someone for good reason, but you couldn't go to the police, how would you dispose of the body?"
• Personal Beliefs: "Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?"
• Relationships: "If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?"

How can this book be used? It can be used in various ways.

• Personal Reflection: Spending a few minutes each day thinking about a question and writing down various thoughts. This would be a great exercise in journal writing. 
• Group Discussions: These questions are great conversation starters, especially if you need help starting conversations.
• Therapeutic Settings: Therapists and counselors can use the questions to help clients explore their inner worlds and confront complex issues.

In conclusion, questions matter. This book is an excellent tool for discerning what is more profound in a conversation. 

We want to know what our readers think. Have you read this book? What are your favorite questions to ask to stimulate conversation? Drop a comment below or check out our Facebook Group: MMC Chat.

Life with the Hesslers

This week on the podcast we are talking about role reversals and how times have changed within the “nuclear family”; husbands, wives, and our significant others are not expected to hold the more traditional roles of caregiver, money maker, bill payer, etc. 

Most days are the same routine with a few exceptions. For the most part, Travis and I work opposite shifts; he is up and out the door by 4 AM, and I am the one going to bed at midnight every night. We are really lucky that Reyna has never needed to go to after school childcare – it is just so expensive nowadays. Travis is always off work and able to take on the parenting duties after school and on through the night, while most nights I am still working hard at my desk (thankfully working from home) by the time Reyna needs to get into bed. Our family really depends on Travis to independently take on those formerly “female” roles in our family in order for our household to run efficiently.  

I tend to be the planner in the relationship, by ensuring that meals are planned, groceries are ordered, calendars get updated etc. Everything within our household is orchestrated from my home office. I know that I can place detailed instructions on our shared calendar, and I can trust that Travis will see those actionable items and take care of them. I cannot imagine this way of living without the access to the technology that we have today. Having a shared, cloud calendar allows me to still be as efficient as a housewife, but still be able to have my career. 

Here are some of the amazing things that my husband does that would not have been traditional household roles 60 years ago. 

• Picks Reyna up from school, brings her home
• Ensures that Reyna does her chores and gets started on homework.
• Cooks the evening meal almost every night of the week, from scratch.
• Takes Reyna to her gym for cheer practice. 
• Stays and observes and takes photos and videos of her progress.
• Washes the dishes after dinner.
• Gets Reyna into a nightly routine of shower and hygiene before bed.
• Reads to Reyna before bed. 
• Administers Reyna's daily medications
• Takes Reyna to her medical and dental appointments.
• Attends school meetings
• Picks up the groceries and puts them away.
• Looks for deals in our local flyers.
• Folds and puts away the family’s laundry.

Here are some of the things that I do that would not have been traditional for a woman 60 years ago

• Bring in the majority of our household income.
• Maintain the household financials, including the budget, savings and checking accounts, retirement funds, as well as manage our debts and pay the bills.
• Handle phone calls for family business matters
• File annual taxes
• Maintain car care, registration and insurance. 
• Maintain lawn service
• Schedule seasonal heating and air-conditioner service
• Organize, store, and update files and paperwork. 
• Drive whenever the family is in one car together
• Plan and execute family vacations and make reservations
• Store and maintain the household tools, hardware, and electronics.
• Main point of contact for utilities and matters with the landlord.

As you can see Travis has really embraced the Mr. Mom role in the house. I know that if my career had taken a different path, and I was “home” during those core family hours, I would also be supporting him in those duties, however I feel that due to my work hours, this has really given Travis the ability to learn to take care of Reyna and me without depending on others. It is comforting to know that if something were to happen to me, Travis and Reyna would be able to take care of themselves. Although I do take on the burden of carrying out most of the administrative tasks for the household, and Travis has taken on the burden of the laborious tasks, we both have several of those that we tackle equally. Although it seems that he does all the cooking and cleaning, I am still there helping him out with the other cleaning tasks like sorting and washing the laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, bathroom sanitation etc. I am also working hard to ensure that our financial information is easily accessible for him to jump in and handle it should I need help paying a bill or calling for a technician.

What are some of the ways that your household is non-traditional? Are there other areas of the relationship that I might have missed when it comes to role reversal? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Be sure to check out our podcast this week as we each bring in our own perspective.

Finding Love After Quarantine

Online dating is the act of searching for a romantic partner on the internet through either an app or a website. In 2022, according to Pew Research, one in three adults in America have used online dating at least once in their lifetime to find a partner. Online dating has become the second most popular way to find a significant other, largely in part, to the rise in dating apps and the ability to simply swipe left or right.

Matchmaking using technology is not as new as it seems. According to the article “Love at First Swipe: The Evolution of Online Dating,” the first computer-based matching service was invented in 1965 by two Harvard students looking for love. It started with a 75-question survey and a $3 fee for applicants. Over 90,000 people signed up for the service and the concept of computer-based matchmaking was born. Since then, using technology to meet people has only become more common. According to the article, 70 percent of Americans use some form of social media, and one-quarter of the country is online most of the day.

In 2020, my ex-husband and I separated after a seven-year relationship; we eventually divorced almost a year after we first separated. I hadn’t entered the dating scene in almost a decade, and I was absolutely terrified. Dating post-quarantine was hard. It wasn’t safe to go to social functions to meet someone, so many naturally turned to online dating, even if they had never experienced it before. Fortunately, I had, and I freely admit it. I met my ex-husband, randomly, on a website called Plenty of Fish. I had recently moved back to my hometown of Vernon, Texas, in early 2014 after twelve years away, and didn’t know anyone in the area anymore other than family.

After divorce, I was a little wary of dating again because I had only had bad experiences, but I was willing to put myself out there. I went through all the stages of an anxiety attack. Was I too old to date? Am I too set in my ways to start over? Do I even have time to date?

I joined Facebook Date (which launched in 2019 but didn’t become popular until 2020). After only meeting scammers, I put the app aside and decided to take a break from dating. During that time, I randomly matched with Jason, my current boyfriend. However, I told him that I wasn’t interested in dating, but we could be friends and we added each other on Snapchat. After that, we talked a few times a week and developed a friendship. Several months later, he asked me out on a date, but I was still wary of online dating. I eventually said yes to a date and I’m glad I did. Next week we are going to celebrate our six-month anniversary. 

My takeaway:

• In 2022 we should all be cautious over meeting someone online. 

• Always talk and get to know someone first and then agree to meet in person. 

• You are never too old to start over. I started my life over at 36 from scratch and I feel like I’m a better person for it. 

• Don’t let anxiety get to you. 

• You are enough, and if you are still looking, don’t force it because it will naturally happen.

A note of caution: Since the pandemic, online dating scams have been on the rise. If you are online dating, be wary of scammers. The scammers that I have met during my time online dating usually pretend to be in the military looking for a connection overseas or a businessperson that travels a lot. These people are charming and full of compliments. They are also usually way younger or way older. If you pay attention to the way they write, you can usually tell a scammer by their grammar. Their grammar is near perfect but there are often unusual changes in tenses. According to the article “Heartbreakers, dream fakers, money takers: Romance scams are rising,” romance scams have increased 197% in 2020 compared to 2019 which has resulted in millions of dollars lost. 

I want to hear from our readers: What are your experiences dating online? Has anyone had to recently start over in the dating game? What is your advice? Let’s continue the conversation on our Facebook Group!