Looking at ourselves and the world through the lens of the 21st century.

Saturday, September 27, 2025

Let Them Read: Books, Boundaries, and Better Parenting

 


This week, Amber brought us the topic of book banning. I know it is a heavy topic for her because she is a high school English teacher and a lover of literature like me. I’ve always thought that book banning was ridiculous, and I’ve read many books on the banned books list that caused me to wonder what in the world was supposedly so bad about them. And while I appreciate the need to keep books with adult themes out of the hands of young students who aren’t mature enough to handle them, I question whether banning a book is the way to go.


Take, for instance, the Sarah J. Maas book A Court of Thorns and Roses. I haven’t read the book…it’s just not my thing, but I understand that it is hugely popular and, of course, teenage girls are going to want to read it. Apparently, it contains some explicit sexual content, as romance novels often do. I get why that’s probably not appropriate to be in a school library. But does it have to be banned? Isn’t it enough for a school district or the state to have a standing rule against books with sexual content, and then for the librarian or teacher who is buying books to simply not stock them? If we trust these people to educate our students, shouldn’t we trust them enough not to provide inappropriate materials? Why does the content of our school libraries have to be so completely micromanaged that we have to ban a book to keep schools from delivering it to students? And if a librarian or a teacher is providing such materials to students, then shouldn’t we be questioning their employment? Why are we hiring teachers and librarians who can’t follow some simple guidelines, like not providing books with sexual content?


What does banning books do? Often, it entices students to actually want to read it, just to see how bad it is. Teens are all about pushing boundaries and seeing how far they can take it. If a book is publicly banned, you can guarantee there will be students who seek it out just because it is. And then they’ll tell all their friends about it and share it around, and you pretty much have the exact situation you’ve been trying to avoid.


A better approach is to establish clear guidelines regarding the types of content that are not permitted in public schools. The state can set a simple mandate of zero tolerance for sexual content. It would then be up to the librarian or teacher to select books that meet the acceptable criteria. The questionable book never makes it onto any list; the teens never find out. If they decide they want to read a book they heard about on TikTok, that is between the student and their parents—end of story.


The only time I see this not working is in the case of parental objections to specific material. The topic that first comes to my mind is anything in the LGBTQ+ sector. Many parents object to any literature that mentions topics they are not comfortable with or that do not meet their moral standards. But do those parents have a right to decide what is morally acceptable for everyone else? Suppose a parent can choose to withhold permission for a vaccine, a field trip, sex education, or other kinds of participation, then why can’t the same system be used for books that contain what they call “immoral” or “inappropriate” content? Why not make the books available to students whose parents are open to those subjects, using a permission slip system? It’s not that hard. It meets the needs of more conservative parents, while still allowing more liberal (and often more realistic) views to be presented.


Actually, I kind of like Judy Blume’s idea best: “Let children read whatever they want and then talk about it with them. If parents and kids can talk together, we won't have as much censorship because we won't have as much fear.” My kids are grown, but I would much rather have them come to me with questions that I can answer from my own beliefs than to have them read things in secret and never get the chance to discuss them with me. If I am afraid of what my child is reading, then it’s probably time that I talk to them about it anyway.


Wednesday, September 24, 2025

Heard it on the Podcast - September 24, 2025

 

 
 
Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. 

24-SEPT-2025
S5E39: Banned Books Week

Books get banned or censored for many different reasons, but should they? Is there ever a good reason to ban a book? Who gets to decide, and when is it a step too far? Have you read any banned books? Were you surprised to find out why they were banned?

Listen to the podcast:   HERE

Here are the links from this episode:

The word Cindy was looking for is "prudence", not "jurisprudence."


Don't forget to visit our Facebook group, MMC Chat. Let us know what you think! 


Wednesday, September 17, 2025

Heard it on the Podcast - September 17, 2025

 

 
 
Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. 

17-SEPT-2025
S5E38: Try a New Hobby

If you could try a new hobby, what would it be? What is holding you back?

Listen to the podcast:   HERE

Sorry, there are no links to this week's podcast, but please check out our blogs here: Modern Musings Blog, and don't forget to visit our Facebook group, MMC Chat. Let us know what you think! 

Monday, September 15, 2025

Choosing Joy Over the To-Do List

 


In July, I decided to try something different. I was tired of feeling like I never got to do anything creative or have any fun. I’ve mentioned on this blog that it’s been a rough few years here in the Murray household: deaths, illness, a revolving door of family moving in and out, COVID, job loss, and so many significant changes that even I can’t keep track of them all. Through it all, I’ve tried to stay creative. I’ve maintained my Thursday craft day (mostly), and I still go on retreats with my besties to quilt and scrapbook, but it never feels like enough. And if you look closely, you’ll note that all of those crafty times occurred when I was with other people – rarely when I was on my own at home. Why? Because I felt guilty.


It is a long-standing tradition of mine to beat myself up for not being productive enough or not getting enough done. I start my day with a long list of things I “need” to do, and I often stay up into the wee hours of the morning trying to get through them, although I never do. I have a friend who often tells me I do too much. She’s right, but it’s not by choice, and sometimes there’s not a lot I can do about it. I am a 60-year-old widow, and the responsibilities of running my home fall squarely on me. Feed the dog? Me. Take out the trash? Me. Do the laundry? Wash the dishes? File the taxes? Pay the bills? All me. I won’t bore you with a list of all the things I have to do in a day before I can sit down to edit a podcast episode or write a blog. Forget about starting a new craft project or some other hobby…I can barely (not!) keep up with the ones I have now.


In January and again in June, I wrote in my blog (No Time for Hobbies and Mid-Year Goal Refresh, respectively) about making time for things. I stand by my statement that we make time for the things that are important to us. So if I’m not making time for my hobbies, or worse yet, myself, then my own self-care must not be all that important to me, right? I want to yell, “No, no, no!”


So, taking a bit of my own advice, I started allowing myself to be done for the day…to let go of the mile-long list of shoulds and spend an hour or two relaxing and doing something I enjoy. When my granddaughter came for a visit, we dragged out our Diamond Dots® and watched movies. I actually did more movie watching than diamond painting, but that’s not the point. I was reminded that this was a craft that I found relaxing, and I hadn’t done it for a long time. Then, a couple of weeks later, I pulled it out again, and pretty soon, I was working on my diamond painting every chance I could get. And you know what? I felt less stressed. Okay, so maybe I didn’t get one or two of the things on my list done that day, but so what? I felt less stressed! That’s huge! 


This week on the podcast, we are talking about hobbies, specifically about trying new ones. This one wasn’t a new one for me, but it was one I hadn’t enjoyed in a very long time, and I’m excited to make the time to have fun and do something I liked instead of just working myself until it was time to go to bed. I’ve made a promise to myself that I will spend at least a few minutes every night doing something I love, even if I don’t finish something that I should do. I finished my diamond painting tonight, and I can’t wait to decide which one I want to do next. Maybe, just maybe, I can find a little time to try some of the other hobbies I mentioned on the show.


Thursday, September 11, 2025

What Jealousy Really Says About Us


 Yesterday’s podcast episode focused on jealousy and how it is a key component and motivator for so many Disney villains. As we shared in our discussion, jealousy is a common incentive in most people from time to time, and try as we might, we can’t fully divest ourselves from it – it’s part of being human.

I think back on some of the more memorable times when I’ve felt jealousy, and I can easily pinpoint why I felt that way. Most often, it was due to two major themes that have been woven throughout my life and have been the cause of much negative self-talk and self-abuse – a lack mindset and low self-esteem. Between the two, you could probably explain just about every negative emotion I’ve ever felt, and they are likely the cause of most of the mistakes I’ve ever made.


It is easy to see and understand the jealousy that develops from a lack mindset. When you grow up very poor, as I did, and you are surrounded by people who have things you don’t, you envy those people and you covet those things. Bigger, nicer house, stylish clothes, foreign vacations, summer camp, strong family relationships, good grades, better education, toys and games…the list goes on and on. I’ve spent more than my fair share of time feeling frustrated, deprived, and unlucky.


My own lack of self-esteem has also beaten me down. There have been times in my life when it was so low that it was negative. I actually hated myself. I was sure I must have done something in a past life to deserve such terrible karma, but I didn’t know what. I still struggle with it to this day. I’m too fat, my nose is too big, my skin is wrinkly, I’m too old, I’m not talented enough, I’m lazy, I’m stupid, I’m crazy, I’m unorganized, I don’t have any friends, no one cares about me…. I counter these negative beliefs every single day with my morning affirmations, and I still can’t get past them.


Maybe those negative feelings are just part of being human, too, but I’ve learned that they don’t serve any good purpose. While some people might use those feelings to drive themselves to do better or be more, the effect is really very short-lived. Most of us cannot sustain a lifetime of self-loathing or resentment. When you focus only on the things you lack, you begin to see more of what you don’t have than what you do. That, in turn, builds resentment, not only of the people you envy, but of the people around you, too. Eventually, you begin to blame others for your lack, or even yourself. Those feelings might even become self-destructive.


When I was younger, my negative self-image was mainly focused on my looks. We moved from school to school often, and I found it hard to make friends. I could see that the pretty girls all had a lot of friends, while the “ugly” girls did not. In my immature perspective, I believed that I wasn’t liked because I was poor and I wasn’t pretty. I said and did many things to get people to like me, and I made a lot of terrible choices. Did it pay off? Not in the least. Being jealous of other girls who were prettier or had boyfriends led to nothing good. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I might have had more friends if I had been just a little more self-confident and outgoing. Instead of waiting for others to notice how cool I was and to give me external validation, I should have just been myself so that the people who were like me would see that and we would find each other. Instead of being “wild” to get attention, I should have been comfortable with who I was. Being jealous of other girls kept me from finding my own place in this world where I could be happy without struggling to be something I was not.


Jealousy is always rooted in the ego. Either our ego is over-inflated so that we believe we are entitled to things we are not actually entitled to, or our ego is deflated so that we don’t think we deserve or can accomplish whatever it is we want. It doesn’t take more than a minute to figure out which one it is. Jealousy doesn’t serve any higher purpose, either. So, why burden ourselves with this wasteful emotion that leaves such a negative taste in our mouths? I think a better choice would be to stop wherever I feel that first twinge of jealousy and just test it for a moment. What is it I am jealous of? Why does it make me feel that way? What shadows are being triggered, and what can I do to start healing them? I don’t want to be jealous because jealousy makes me feel like I am not enough, and I am tired of feeling that way. Aren’t you?


Wednesday, September 10, 2025

Heard it on the Podcast - September 10, 2025

 

 
 
Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. 

10-SEPT-2025
S5E37: Disney Villains: Jealousy

After our look at Disney Princesses and our discussion about which Disney Princess we might be, we thought it would be fun to take a look at some Disney villains and what motivates them. In this episode, we're taking a look at jealousy.

Listen to the podcast:   HERE

Sorry, there are no links to this week's podcast, but please check out our blogs here: Modern Musings Blog

Don't forget to visit our Facebook group, MMC Chat. Let us know what you think! 

Saturday, September 6, 2025

When They Don’t Need You Anymore


Do I miss my kids’ school years? Not really, but when everyone starts talking about “back-to-school” season, I have a little pang of nostalgia for that time in my children’s lives. Mostly, I think it is because of the connections I made with other parents whom I no longer see, and also because I no longer have unlimited access to their lives. The time I spent as a room-mom, field trip chaperone, party planner, booster club president, and scout leader was time I got to spend with Christen and Steven. It’s a time I will always treasure, and I’ve always felt a little sad for parents who don’t get to experience it.


Being the parent of grown children is just as hard as raising them during those school years, but for a different set of reasons. Letting them go to build their own lives and find their own way is something many parents struggle with long after they’ve graduated high school or even college. Mark and I always took great pride in the fact that we raised our children to be independent. Mark often said his most significant task as a parent was to make himself “obsolete.” It’s true. We want our kids to grow up as confident, self-sufficient, and responsible human beings who don’t really need us. But what happens when we still need them?


A parent’s life changes drastically as soon as their child heads off to college or moves out. Some of the changes are subtle, but many have lifelong consequences. When my youngest moved off to college, I suddenly had lots of time on my hands. I had spent a good part of his school years volunteering in any capacity I could. I was a stay-at-home mom, and it was through this role that I learned to make friends in a new city where I knew no one. But then, he was gone, and the things that filled most of my time were gone, too. Mark had it a lot harder. He missed his buddy and his initial reason for becoming a Boy Scout Leader. Even though we were missing the same person, our responses to the loss were very different.  Luckily, I became involved in a mother’s club at Steven’s school, and it helped fill that gap because I could meet new parents and make new friends. I also started a business that kept me busy at least part-time. Mark decided to stick with the Boy Scouts and maintained his position as Scoutmaster for 8 years before stepping into an Assistant Scoutmaster position to let someone else take the reins. He remained active in the troop until shortly before he passed. I think the other boys were, in some ways, a substitute. 


Other changes included cooking for fewer people, having to reallocate the chores that Steven was responsible for, and discovering that there’s no one to make that last-minute run to the store for milk when you run out. Even the dog was sad – her play buddy was gone. 


It’s no wonder some parents have a hard time letting go. Change is scary. There is a very real fear that something might happen to them if we aren’t there to protect them. Or that in setting them free, they may pull away completely and never come back. 


Luckily for most parents, time heals, and you get used to new routines. New hobbies find time to be explored, and you are grateful that life has become a bit more consistent…more relaxed. You might even find a routine through which you get to spend time with your kids, either individually or as a family. You appreciate your children in different ways. You connect as adults. Your bonds might even strengthen. And then things start to change again.


As you age and your social life slows, those connections to your children change, deepen, and become vital to your well-being, especially in the face of grief and loss. I’ve talked about grief and loss a lot lately because I live it every single day. I’ve also spent a good deal of time talking and writing about COVID and how it upended our lives. Talk about anxiety! But losing my husband, Mark, 18 months ago, was the single-most impactful event of my life since the birth of my children. Not only did I go from having too many people in the house who were always underfoot to being virtually alone, but I lost my best friend, confidant, helpmate, and biggest supporter. I lost my person, and that’s about as alone as you can get. There is no one to get that thing off the top shelf or go up in the attic to get that box you stored there. There is no one to open the lid that you can’t get off the jar or to give you a ride to pick up your car from the mechanic. There’s no one to hold your hand before you have surgery or to tend to you when you are sick.


So, yes, you start to miss those days of yore when your kids were at home and you could call on them for help. You miss the days when you could invite them out for a banana split to celebrate a little win at work. You miss knowing that they will be there when you need them…because you do need them. After all, they are the ones who are supposed to love and take care of you as you grow older and need more help, just as you did for them when they were young and unable to care for themselves. And for many of us, they are the only family we have left. In a very real sense, they are all you have. 


I miss my kids needing me. I miss being an everyday part of their lives. I don’t like depending on them for things because I know they have busy lives and many responsibilities. But I need them just the same, and I hope that, maybe just a little bit, they still need me, too.


Wednesday, September 3, 2025

Heard it on the Podcast - September 3, 2025

 

 
 
Did you miss a link we mentioned on the podcast? Here's a quick post we'll do every Wednesday to share any links or information from the podcast. We'll also keep a running post on the "Links from the Podcast" tab so you can refer back to any previous episode. 

3-SEPT-2025
S5E36: Back-to-School Anxiety

It's that time of year again, and we've all got something that makes us anxious about the start of the new school year. Luckily, we've got some tips to help you get through it.

Listen to the podcast:   HERE

Sorry, there are no links to this week's podcast, but please check out our blogs here: Modern Musings Blog

Don't forget to visit our Facebook group, MMC Chat. Let us know what you think! 

5 Ways to Manifest Your Best Life

Hi there, and welcome back! Since we have been heavily focusing on goals and planning, I thought we should discuss manifesting. I love this ...