Life with the Hesslers

This week on the podcast we are talking about role reversals and how times have changed within the “nuclear family”; husbands, wives, and our significant others are not expected to hold the more traditional roles of caregiver, money maker, bill payer, etc. 

Most days are the same routine with a few exceptions. For the most part, Travis and I work opposite shifts; he is up and out the door by 4 AM, and I am the one going to bed at midnight every night. We are really lucky that Reyna has never needed to go to after school childcare – it is just so expensive nowadays. Travis is always off work and able to take on the parenting duties after school and on through the night, while most nights I am still working hard at my desk (thankfully working from home) by the time Reyna needs to get into bed. Our family really depends on Travis to independently take on those formerly “female” roles in our family in order for our household to run efficiently.  

I tend to be the planner in the relationship, by ensuring that meals are planned, groceries are ordered, calendars get updated etc. Everything within our household is orchestrated from my home office. I know that I can place detailed instructions on our shared calendar, and I can trust that Travis will see those actionable items and take care of them. I cannot imagine this way of living without the access to the technology that we have today. Having a shared, cloud calendar allows me to still be as efficient as a housewife, but still be able to have my career. 

Here are some of the amazing things that my husband does that would not have been traditional household roles 60 years ago. 

• Picks Reyna up from school, brings her home
• Ensures that Reyna does her chores and gets started on homework.
• Cooks the evening meal almost every night of the week, from scratch.
• Takes Reyna to her gym for cheer practice. 
• Stays and observes and takes photos and videos of her progress.
• Washes the dishes after dinner.
• Gets Reyna into a nightly routine of shower and hygiene before bed.
• Reads to Reyna before bed. 
• Administers Reyna's daily medications
• Takes Reyna to her medical and dental appointments.
• Attends school meetings
• Picks up the groceries and puts them away.
• Looks for deals in our local flyers.
• Folds and puts away the family’s laundry.

Here are some of the things that I do that would not have been traditional for a woman 60 years ago

• Bring in the majority of our household income.
• Maintain the household financials, including the budget, savings and checking accounts, retirement funds, as well as manage our debts and pay the bills.
• Handle phone calls for family business matters
• File annual taxes
• Maintain car care, registration and insurance. 
• Maintain lawn service
• Schedule seasonal heating and air-conditioner service
• Organize, store, and update files and paperwork. 
• Drive whenever the family is in one car together
• Plan and execute family vacations and make reservations
• Store and maintain the household tools, hardware, and electronics.
• Main point of contact for utilities and matters with the landlord.

As you can see Travis has really embraced the Mr. Mom role in the house. I know that if my career had taken a different path, and I was “home” during those core family hours, I would also be supporting him in those duties, however I feel that due to my work hours, this has really given Travis the ability to learn to take care of Reyna and me without depending on others. It is comforting to know that if something were to happen to me, Travis and Reyna would be able to take care of themselves. Although I do take on the burden of carrying out most of the administrative tasks for the household, and Travis has taken on the burden of the laborious tasks, we both have several of those that we tackle equally. Although it seems that he does all the cooking and cleaning, I am still there helping him out with the other cleaning tasks like sorting and washing the laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, bathroom sanitation etc. I am also working hard to ensure that our financial information is easily accessible for him to jump in and handle it should I need help paying a bill or calling for a technician.

What are some of the ways that your household is non-traditional? Are there other areas of the relationship that I might have missed when it comes to role reversal? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Be sure to check out our podcast this week as we each bring in our own perspective.