S3E30: Mani-Pedi - There Can Be Only One
No links this week!
Cindy Murray is a widow, mother, and grandmother who enjoys nature, good food, and friends. She's an artist, writer, and musician who came from a small town, moved to the big city, and loves to travel. She is the co-founder of Crafty Neighbor, a crafter's resource and events organizer, and the author of Crafty Neighbor's Neighborhood Gossip, a blog about crafting and the crafts industry. Cindy has worked as a travel agent since 2010 and is the owner/founder of Crafty Neighbor Travel. You can find links to all of Cindy's websites, blogs, and social media accounts here: https://linktr.ee/CraftyNeighbor
We like to talk. Amber, Christen, and I can strike up a conversation about almost anything. We have a lot of opinions, often very different, and we’re not afraid to speak them out loud. We enjoy those conversations that dive off into “god knows where” and we often have to reel ourselves back into the topic at hand. Maybe it’s annoying, maybe it’s charming, but it’s really just who we are…three ladies who’ve lived very different lives and aren’t afraid to share our truths with the world.
In case you haven’t noticed, our conversations often start out as innocuous comments about such inane things as peanut butter, celebrity crushes, and Star Wars vs. Star Trek, but the zany foolishness doesn’t last for long because one of us almost always has something to say that brings us back down to earth – something deep and meaningful or thought-provoking – a point to ponder or a lesson to be learned. Star Wars vs. Star Trek conjured up thoughts about social issues and the timeless struggle between good and evil. Celebrity crushes turned towards the morality of a “hall pass”. I think the peanut butter episode even had some mentions of peanut allergies and alternatives. So, it should be no surprise that our next episode, “Mani vs. Pedi: There Can Be Only One”, which drops Wednesday, is no different.
The premise of the episode is that many of us routinely get both treatments, but what would we choose if we could only have one of them? I won’t spoil the conclusions, but suffice it to say that we talk about why we have often chosen only one or the other, certain things to look out for in a salon, and even a bit about our need (or lack) of trust in the professionals we allow to perform these services. Thinking about that as I prepared to write this blog, I realized that these side-trips in our conversations are often allegories for other, more important things in our lives, and offer a real-world opportunity to closely examine some of our core beliefs – to do a little shadow work.
As I considered the difficulty I have in trusting cosmetology professionals (including both hairdressers and nail techs), I realized that I often have a deep-rooted struggle with trusting anyone due to hardship and trauma from my past. This wasn’t a new revelation…I know I have trouble trusting people close to me. What I hadn’t considered is that this distrust extends far beyond my intimate peers to encompass pretty much everything in my life – even the smallest, unimportant things. It’s why I drive defensively on the freeway. It’s why I take copious notes on phone calls with business associates, clients, and doctors. It is also why I insist on being the one to make plans and organize events. It makes me a bit of a control freak (okay, complete and total). Learning to let go of that control has been a huge struggle for me, but it is also necessary for my growth. I cannot live a life of light in the now or banish the demons of my shadow self without addressing the need to let go of control once in a while. I cannot let go of control unless I can learn to trust.
Learning to recognize that lack of trust in my daily life, especially when it’s not important, is the lesson of our Mani-Pedi podcast for me, but it’s not the only lesson in that episode. Like all the other episodes before it, and surely all the episodes to follow, there is always some little nugget of inspiration, epiphany, or clarity available there for anyone who takes the time and opens their mind to the deeper meaning. I think that’s true about everything in life. Every action and every thought is rooted deep in our psyche. “Why do I do this?” “Why do I feel that?” Our every function is profoundly shaded by things in our past of which we may not even be aware. Learning to perceive that influence on even the smallest and insignificant facets of our life is a significant step in healing…and in being in, oddly enough, control of your life.
I was [TODAY] years old when I realized that my lack of trust makes me the control freak that I am and steals my ability to live a life of light in the now. What did you learn?
Cindy Murray is a widow, mother, and grandmother who enjoys nature, good food, and friends. She's an artist, writer, and musician who came from a small town, moved to the big city, and loves to travel. She is the co-founder of Crafty Neighbor, a crafter's resource and events organizer, and the author of Crafty Neighbor's Neighborhood Gossip, a blog about crafting and the crafts industry. Cindy has worked as a travel agent since 2010 and is the owner/founder of Crafty Neighbor Travel. You can find links to all of Cindy's websites, blogs, and social media accounts here: https://linktr.ee/CraftyNeighbor
The Ego. It’s something we’ve mentioned often on the podcast since we read Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth.” We all have one. The ego is what convinces us that we can drive a mile or two over the speed limit or sail through that yellow traffic light right as it turns red. Sometimes, it justifies our decision to grab the last cupcake in the break room, even though we already had one, or even to reward ourselves with an indulgent treat just because we made it through a tough work day. We deserve it, right? Our ego makes us believe that we know better than others, can do things our way, or can ignore the rules. The sad thing is that our ego is almost never right. All the little things we do that our ego assures us are “okay” really only accomplish one thing – making us feel like we are better than others. In short, it just makes us arrogant.
This was the concept that landed in my lap one Saturday afternoon while I pulled out of my driveway, and it stuck with me for weeks afterward. The radio was on and it was playing one of those investing shows. I thought I knew which one it was, but I’ve not been able to confirm it. The show was not something I would normally listen to, but I had started backing out before I changed the radio station to the one I listen to on the weekend. By the time I got out of the drive and started moving forward, the host had dropped this little nugget:
“You are different. The rules don’t apply. You know better.”
He was talking about people who try to “game” the system in an attempt to “get rich” quicker. The host went on to say that this attitude is “arrogance” and arrogant people usually blame others (or the system) when things don’t work in their favor. I was intrigued, so I listened to his rant and I realized that this concept applies to many things. Sometimes, the most profound thoughts can emerge from the most obscure and unrelated places. That was what happened here.
This was something akin to a glitter bomb, because when it went off, it threw little bits of sparkly magic onto everything, and I started looking at things I was doing in a different light. It was everywhere, and I realized I have this attitude a lot. I tend to drive a little over the speed limit rather than under it. I sometimes speed up if the light turns yellow, rather than slow down. I’ll kick up my home A/C to a frigid level for an hour or two if I’m hot and hubby already went to bed. I don’t rinse out my recycling before tossing it in the bin. I’m different. The rules don’t apply. I know better. I’m gaming the system.
I think we all do it to some extent, but in different ways. We let our ego convince us that we can lose weight without following the diet the doctor gave us, or that we can be strong and healthy without getting any exercise. Maybe we believe that we can pay off our credit cards and get out of debt while we are still feeding that revolving cycle of credit with unnecessary, impulsive purchases. Or we can still wear that size 12 dress when we are clearly a size 14.
I don’t like to think of myself as a cheat, but that’s exactly what it is. When thinking about my worst habits for yesterday’s podcast, I knew instantly that this one was mine. I push the limits on everything. I try to get there faster. I cram as much into my day as possible. I convince myself that I can do more, spend less, eat more, and get fit…all without putting in the effort that is required to make it happen. And I don’t blame my own choices when it doesn’t work. It’s a cop-out. It’s a cheat. And I am arrogant to think that it should be any other way.
They say the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. This one is mine. Now I just need to figure out the next step. I’m ready to kick this bad habit.
Cindy Murray is a widow, mother, and grandmother who enjoys nature, good food, and friends. She's an artist, writer, and musician who came from a small town, moved to the big city, and loves to travel. She is the co-founder of Crafty Neighbor, a crafter's resource and events organizer, and the author of Crafty Neighbor's Neighborhood Gossip, a blog about crafting and the crafts industry. Cindy has worked as a travel agent since 2010 and is the owner/founder of Crafty Neighbor Travel. You can find links to all of Cindy's websites, blogs, and social media accounts here: https://linktr.ee/CraftyNeighbor
S3E29: Our Worst Habits
We are three women who love to write and have great conversations. Join our weekly podcast where we discuss various topics in deeper learning, spirituality, and living healthier and more fulfilling lives.
This week on the podcast, we discussed how hard it is to find sugar-free desserts. While there are some limited varieties of cookies and other sweets, finding sugar-free varieties of my favorite summer treats has frustrated me for years. Something I have been craving for a while now is a dollop of sherbet in a bit of ginger ale or 7-up for a sort-of ginger ale float, if you will, but I have yet to find a sugar-free sherbet or sorbet. Giving up after a thorough search, I decided I would have to make it myself, but even that proved challenging because all the recipes I found involved a complex list of ingredients and lots of time cooking (yes, cooking) the various fruits and sweeteners. What I finally settled on was a delicious-sounding nectarine sorbet that sounded like the perfect answer, so I thought I’d give it a try.
This nectarine sorbet recipe (find the original here) was quite simple; the worst part was peeling the nectarines. The recipe called for very ripe fruit, and it just so happened that I had a bag of nectarines that were getting pretty long in the tooth. They were getting downright mushy and not entirely suitable for anything else, so peeling them was more like sliding them out of their already loose skins, and it was quite a messy job.
The recipe also called for making a simple syrup out of sugar and water and then letting it cool, but in my experience with various artificial sweeteners, I’ve found that the sweetener dissolves into the water just fine, only to recrystallize once it cools. Christen and I discussed this problem and decided I should just replicate the recipe as closely as possible to judge the true merits of the recipe. So, that’s what I did.
I used a combination of generic erythritol and Swerve because I didn’t have enough of either one. Sure enough, as soon as the “syrup” started to cool, it became cloudy. It did not seem to affect the consistency of the finished product, though, and I wanted to change as little as possible about the recipe, so I used it as is.
The other thing I questioned about the recipe was that it called for two tablespoons of rum, which is not a standard ingredient in sorbet, but I assumed might assist with preventing it from freezing too hard and crystallizing, which would be a granita and not a sorbet. I’m not sure if it helped or not, but it didn’t hurt.
I put the blended concoction into my ice cream freezer and was quite disappointed that it barely filled it ¼ of the way. As a result, there wasn’t enough movement of the mixture to freeze, so after almost an hour of listening to the annoying hum, I finally poured it into a plastic container and threw it in the fridge. Thus, we didn’t get to eat any that first night.
I will say that the result was quite tasty, if a little too sweet. I don’t know if that was because of the erythritol (one was a 1:1, and the other was not) or if the nectarines themselves were too sweet. Either way, I think a little less sweetener would be better. As for the texture, it scooped smoothly and was not grainy or gritty in any way. I would like to try it in the ice cream freezer, though, so for future variations, I’d like to try the following:
If you’ve ever made a sherbet or sorbet, especially if it was sugar-free, please comment below and share your experience. I’d love to hear about it. And don’t forget to check out our previous sugar-free recipes here on the blog:
Cindy Murray is a widow, mother, and grandmother who enjoys nature, good food, and friends. She's an artist, writer, and musician who came from a small town, moved to the big city, and loves to travel. She is the co-founder of Crafty Neighbor, a crafter's resource and events organizer, and the author of Crafty Neighbor's Neighborhood Gossip, a blog about crafting and the crafts industry. Cindy has worked as a travel agent since 2010 and is the owner/founder of Crafty Neighbor Travel. You can find links to all of Cindy's websites, blogs, and social media accounts here: https://linktr.ee/CraftyNeighbor
S3E28: Sugar-Free Recipes for the Summer
Check out our blogs this week for the recipes we'll be sharing. We also mentioned the following recipes we've shared in the past:
Cindy Murray is a widow, mother, and grandmother who enjoys nature, good food, and friends. She's an artist, writer, and musician who came from a small town, moved to the big city, and loves to travel. She is the co-founder of Crafty Neighbor, a crafter's resource and events organizer, and the author of Crafty Neighbor's Neighborhood Gossip, a blog about crafting and the crafts industry. Cindy has worked as a travel agent since 2010 and is the owner/founder of Crafty Neighbor Travel. You can find links to all of Cindy's websites, blogs, and social media accounts here: https://linktr.ee/CraftyNeighbor
Cindy Murray is a widow, mother, and grandmother who enjoys nature, good food, and friends. She's an artist, writer, and musician who came from a small town, moved to the big city, and loves to travel. She is the co-founder of Crafty Neighbor, a crafter's resource and events organizer, and the author of Crafty Neighbor's Neighborhood Gossip, a blog about crafting and the crafts industry. Cindy has worked as a travel agent since 2010 and is the owner/founder of Crafty Neighbor Travel. You can find links to all of Cindy's websites, blogs, and social media accounts here: https://linktr.ee/CraftyNeighbor
Less is more. Lots of people throw that phrase around these days, and it’s been attributed to the minimalist movement and other sources, but what does it really mean, and why should I incorporate it in my own life? That’s what I’ve been asking myself for several years now since I first heard the phrase in connection with my One Little Word project I do each year. It made sense when my word was “simplify” because I was literally trying to have less clutter and complications in my life, but I was also quite resistant to the idea of letting go of things I’d been holding onto and (let’s face it) hoarding for years. In fact, I could get downright prickly if anyone suggested I had “too much stuff” and should “get rid of most of it.” Having less of my stuff did not make me feel like I would have more. Like, more what?
In case you aren’t familiar with the term, Wiktionary defines “Less is More” as
(paradox, oxymoron) That which is of smaller quantity could be of higher quality. That which is less complicated is often better understood and more appreciated than what is more complicated; brevity in communication is more effective than verbosity.
Okay…that’s about as clear as mud, right? That’s how I’ve felt about it…until recently.
I’ve mentioned before that my life got turned upside down a few years ago, first after being diagnosed with both breast cancer and diabetes, then taking in my niece after my sister died, as well as moving my mother to Dallas and learning that she has dementia, the onset of COVID and all that entailed, and this past year, coming to terms with my husband’s cancer diagnosis. It’s been a lot. I’ve been in a constant state of overwhelm since 2017, and I haven’t coped with it very well at all. But with the help of an awesome counselor, my family, good friends, and One Little Word, I’ve slowly learned to let go of things that aren’t serving me. I’ve been able to pick and choose what is important and prioritize that. I’ve been able to allow myself to put aside, delegate, and relinquish a lot of activities, chores, and responsibilities that felt important, but really weren’t, and I’ve started to let go of the need to control those things.
Part of that letting go was realizing that progress is better than perfection and that sometimes a little bit is just enough. Let’s face it, we aren’t going to die if the towels are folded the wrong way or my car doesn’t get washed for three months. As a total control freak, it’s very difficult for me to let go of the need to manage every aspect of our life that I can, but I’m learning that there are many things that I can let slide in the interest of manageability that don’t really affect my life one way or the other.
As I look at the daunting tasks and piles of clutter that have consumed my time for the past few years (and still aren’t complete), I realized that “good enough” is still okay. I don’t have to find the perfect place to put my mother’s belongings, I just need to sort through them, give or throw away the items I don’t want to keep, and find someplace (any place) to put them that gets them out of my craft room, out of my garage, off the floor, and out of my way. I also don’t have to keep every treasured memento. Yes, I will keep anything scrapbookable, but if the jewelry isn’t my esthetic and I can’t use it for some other purpose, then why do I need to keep it? Maybe one of my nieces would like it. Even more importantly, all this sorting and storing doesn’t have to be done at once. Sorting is just one project. Storing them is another. They don’t have to happen at the same time. It’s still intimidating, but it’s doable.
As I find myself letting go of tasks and responsibilities that I’ve brought upon myself – the things I really didn’t want to do in the first place, I find that I actually have more time to work on the projects that are meaningful to me – the things that I’ve determined are truly important, like my family, spending time with my friends, creating art, and writing this blog. Those are the things that I really want to spend my time on. And as I declutter the craft room and the garage, I’m able to curate the supplies and mementos that I love, letting go of (or sharing, if you care to see it that way) the things that I don’t love as much. That feels good, too. It also gives me more room to work in my craft room (I shared pictures of that in my recent Goal Refresh blog), and eventually, I will have room to park my car in my garage – something that hasn’t happened in 4-5 years.
No, this new realization of less = more is not perfection, but it is progress, and that’s what really matters.
Do you have a “Less = More” story to share? Are you having difficulty letting go of heirlooms, clutter, duties, and responsibilities? Tell us about it in the comments below, or share it on the MMC Chat page. We’d love to hear about it! Maybe someone in the community has insights that help us out!
Cindy Murray is a widow, mother, and grandmother who enjoys nature, good food, and friends. She's an artist, writer, and musician who came from a small town, moved to the big city, and loves to travel. She is the co-founder of Crafty Neighbor, a crafter's resource and events organizer, and the author of Crafty Neighbor's Neighborhood Gossip, a blog about crafting and the crafts industry. Cindy has worked as a travel agent since 2010 and is the owner/founder of Crafty Neighbor Travel. You can find links to all of Cindy's websites, blogs, and social media accounts here: https://linktr.ee/CraftyNeighbor
Sometimes we look at things a certain way for so long that we begin to think of it as “right” or “normal”, or maybe even the only way. We make a plan, we work at it, and we refuse to budge when it comes to adjusting. But everything changes – our environment, responsibilities, commitment, and even us. Sometimes an idea isn’t so much, wrong, as it is just too rigid or out of alignment with what is going on in our lives. Maybe it’s the wrong time to work on that long-term project you started in the spring, or perhaps other goals have become more important to you. It could be that you’ve simply begun to see things from another angle and that new point of view has changed the way you think about what you were doing before. That’s why it’s crucial to have a goals alignment every 3 or 4 months to assess how we are progressing and to get back into alignment with our goals, or even change our goals altogether.
A great case in point is a goal I mentioned this week on the podcast. I have continually struggled to get my taxes and bookkeeping up to date since January 2020. As you may recall from previous podcasts, that is when I became the primary caregiver to my mother, who has dementia. I moved her from Lubbock, Texas, some 350 miles away into my home here in the Dallas, Texas area. (For those of you in Europe, that’s a farther distance than from Paris to Amsterdam.) Being January, this was, of course, the exact timing of my 2019 year-end bookkeeping and tax preparation, and because my mother’s illness was far more advanced than we had initially presumed, she took up a great deal of my attention. I was barely able to keep up with my workload for my travel agency and my household chores, which left no time or quiet work environment to take care of the bookkeeping. I got behind. Way behind.
Making use of some extensions and a lot of knuckles-to-the-grindstone, late-night work habits, I was able to get the taxes submitted just in time and then to begin on the next year’s set, but I never could get caught up. So when we recorded this week’s podcast, I was feeling the pressure of getting it done. It was the biggest, most important task on my to-do list, and months earlier, when my therapist asked me what one task would lighten my load the most, I answered, “the bookkeeping.” That was when she encouraged me to focus on just one task at a time and knock it out. It seemed like a good plan, and that’s what I talked about on the podcast…about working consistently at that one task to get it under control. And that’s what I did, but then other priorities popped up, the bills and receipts kept coming in, and pretty soon I was over-whelmed by it all over again.
So shortly after the podcast recording, I had another visit with my therapist and we were talking about how I resented the fact that the responsibility for the bookkeeping rests squarely on my shoulders and that my husband takes no part in it. I had asked him to help me by doing some sorting and organizing of receipts, and he obligingly did so, but only after I had reminded him several times. His excuse was that the tub of documents was in my studio, so he didn’t see it and therefore never remembered it. This led to a series of questions from my therapist about why the files are in my studio, and where else could they be stored so that we both had access to them.
Wait…what?!?!
I kept all the taxes and bookkeeping in my studio as a convenience to me, but I really only kept them there out of habit. I don’t need all the files stacked up on the floor of my studio where they are constantly in the way of all the other things I need to do there. I could move them out to another part of the house and retrieve just the files I needed when I needed them. It would also make things more convenient for Mark to help me with the sorting and processing. So this new perspective prompted me to move the bins to another room of the house, out of my craft studio and out of my way. What a relief that was! But it also got me thinking even more about how I approached some of the other tasks on my to-do list and the other things that were stacked up all over my room simply because I had no time to sort through them and put them away, like several boxes of my mother’s photos, documents, and other belongings.
The next day, I had a coffee date with a friend. We usually spend our coffee dates talking about our goals, working on our One Little Word projects, and commiserating about the particulars of our mental health. This day was no different, and so our conversation turned to my revelation about moving the taxes out of my studio and how I was beginning to realize that this same principle might also apply to a number of other things in my way. It also reminded me of a tip I had read in (I think) Better Homes and Gardens magazine a few years ago…the idea that people who have clean homes don’t use the floor for storage. So true. And I actually hate seeing anything stacked on the floor! So why had I allowed all this stuff to be stacked up on mine? This led to further discussion about what to do with all the stuff, and I realized that I was looking at one of my goals the wrong way.
To date, I had been looking at completing my goals in a particular order, starting with the taxes and bookkeeping. Once that mess had been cleaned up and caught up, I wanted to organize my studio, including going through all of my mom’s belongings. Another big task was to clean out my garage so I could park in it. It has been full of other people’s belongings since my niece, Ashley, came to live with us at the end of 2017. The piles of stuff just kept getting bigger as other people moved in and out…first my mom, then our friend Koy who passed away. It was my hope to be able to go through all that stuff, find a place for it or get rid of it, and eventually park my car in the garage again. The last task on my to-do list was to upgrade the storage and work tables in my studio, but the other tasks were more important, so I felt like they should come first, in that order, and that’s the way I’ve been working at these goals since I first conceived them. But I was wrong.
When I started looking at these goals from another perspective, I could see that I had the steps in the wrong order. The first (and most obvious) was that I couldn’t really organize the belongings in my studio until I had a place to store them, and I couldn’t create storage until I knew exactly what I needed to store. In order to do that, I had to collect all of the stuff in one place and sort it. It didn’t make sense to sort and store all my art and craft supplies in my studio only to have to do it again when I sorted through all the stuff in the garage. Likewise with my mother’s belongings. So the obvious answer was to gather all the stuff in one place. The second part of this epiphany was that I couldn’t organize and store all this stuff until I had adequate storage for it. I needed shelves, bins, tubs, and boxes.
So what started as an afternoon talk about moving my taxes to the mud room snowballed into an action plan for getting both my craft studio and my garage whipped into shape in what I hoped would be quick order. This new plan had me start with gathering and sorting all the stuff first, using broad categories like donate, work-related, craft supplies, home decor, electronics, holidays, and yes, trash. That meant taking all that extra stuff in my craft studio that didn’t already have a home to the garage with the rest of the homeless stuff. With my room thus emptied, I was able to assess where I could create storage, and I already had a plan for that, which my friend and I had already projected. A few suggestions from my husband along with a trip to Ikea and Home Depot, and I had an awesome, custom-built workstation and storage unit that took less than a day to build. The last step was (and still is) to sort through all the piles. That first sort was just a macro sorting by the broader category. Now comes the more tedious task of micro-organizing…where I look at each individual document and file it into the appropriate folder in the file cabinet, divide the craft supplies into paint, beads, and scrapbook paper, toss out anything that is damaged, dried up, or otherwise unusable, and work my way through each of the piles in turn until all the piles are gone and I can finally get my car in the garage.
While all this was happening, I did set aside the task of working on my taxes. This task was more important because the anxiety caused by all the clutter in my studio made it impossible for me to work there. I was beating myself up over goals that had been on the list for years, but that I could never get to because I was always putting the taxes or something else first. But that stress was having a real effect on my motivation to do the other tasks, so I wasn’t really getting any of them done. Sometimes, you have to look at the bigger picture and rearrange the steps to get the best and most efficient outcome. In my case, doing a few things that gave me a quick win (all the extra stuff is out of my work room and I now have a great workspace) makes it easier to work on the other goals like the taxes. And although it is much too hot the last few days to spend much time in the garage, everything is sorted into broad categories, so I can find anything I need, and I’m bringing things back into the studio a little at a time as I need it and create space for it. It’s really a perfect solution. And all because I approached it from a different direction.
As we begin this second half of the year, I encourage you to reassess your goals. Look at them from every angle and really question why and how you approach them. Is there another way to do it that will get quicker results? Can you do less to accomplish more (more on that next week!)? Is there someone who can help you or can help you see another point of view? Is this goal still as important to you as it was at the beginning of the year? What one thing can you do right now that would change the momentum of your progress? Think about what is most important to you and what you really need. Try to see it from a different point of view. After all, perspective is everything.
Cindy Murray is a widow, mother, and grandmother who enjoys nature, good food, and friends. She's an artist, writer, and musician who came from a small town, moved to the big city, and loves to travel. She is the co-founder of Crafty Neighbor, a crafter's resource and events organizer, and the author of Crafty Neighbor's Neighborhood Gossip, a blog about crafting and the crafts industry. Cindy has worked as a travel agent since 2010 and is the owner/founder of Crafty Neighbor Travel. You can find links to all of Cindy's websites, blogs, and social media accounts here: https://linktr.ee/CraftyNeighbor
