What's in a Shadow?

 

I hope you were able to join us yesterday for our podcast about Shadow Work. I really enjoyed that discussion, because it is a topic that is very interesting to me. I have long believed that our beliefs and actions are influenced by our past, both good and bad, whether we are aware of those influences or not. Whereas some may point to a person and say that something is a “choice”, I say it is not so simple, and, therefore, not necessarily always a “choice” but rather, a consequence.

Take for instance a tree. Many things affect the growth of a tree: sunlight, soil, rain, temperature…the list goes on. While it is in the nature of a tree to grow straight and tall, any one of those influences can change the way a tree grows. If the tree doesn’t get enough sun, it may not be able to use the chlorophyll to achieve photosynthesis, the process of creating the carbohydrates that feed the plant. Insufficient rain will cause the plant to stall growth in an effort to conserve water to stay alive, or even to wither and die. Too much rain can distress a plant or even wash away the soil that surrounds the roots. If it gets too much rain over long periods of time, it can cause it to put out roots that are too shallow, thus leaving it vulnerable to wind and further erosion. Soil that doesn’t have the right nutrients won’t feed the plant, and if it is the wrong consistency, it may not be able to provide the right footing, retain needed water, or allow the plant to root effectively.

From these examples, it is easy to see how a change in the quality of any of these areas can dramatically affect a tree, and this is why every tree is different from every other tree. Even two trees grown from the same parent plant, growing side-by-side, can have very different life experiences and thus turn out to be two very different-looking trees. If no two oak trees look the same or need the same amount of water or nutrients, etc., then how much more so can environmental differences and past trauma affect humans – the most complicated and complex organism on our planet?

Our “shadow”, the deeply buried parts of our psyche, is created to protect us. It is the blister that builds on our heel to protect us from the rubbing of an ill-fitting shoe and the calluses on our hands from long hours of physical labor. It is a part of us. We can’t just pretend it’s not there, and we can’t feel anything that touches it without feeling the blister or callus itself. Neither pain nor numbness. It changes how we walk, how we grip things, and what choice of shoes we make the next day. It might make us want to wear gloves or quit a rough job altogether. Emotional damage is no different. Trauma, no matter how severe, leaves scars – scars that change how we feel, how we think, what we say, who we love, what we fear, and what we choose.

I know a great number of people who believe that everything is a choice. They hold the idea that poor behavior is a weakness, and that to overcome said weakness, one must only make a different choice. For example, an alcoholic has only to choose not to drink, or someone who gets their feelings hurt easily needs only to “buck up, buttercup.” If someone gives an example of why they make a poor choice, or why they behave a certain way, this faction claims they are “just making excuses”, blaming someone else for their own mistakes, thus dismissing any impact that environment or trauma may have on a person’s behavior. I think that’s like saying the tree will grow exactly thus, regardless of the amount of sun, wind, or rain. It’s just not realistic. Some people are conditioned to think and behave in certain ways – it’s the simple rule of cause and effect. Yes, people can make a choice to behave a certain way, but in order to do so, the person must have enough awareness and cognition in the moment to realize there even is a choice, and then they must have enough self-control to act on that awareness. Not an easy thing in the heat of the moment.

Do I think seeing things in this light is a valid excuse for “bad behavior”? Not in the least. It is a reason, nothing more. I believe it is up to each and every one of us to become aware of our shadow self…that hidden part of us that makes us behave a certain way…and integrate it into our full psyche – to let it influence us, but not control us. To bring that shadow into the light, so to speak. It’s not an easy task, but then, real growth never is. 

As I mentioned in the podcast, I have found that journaling is an effective way to work through some of those shadow thoughts. Working with a therapist has helped, too. And after mentioning it in the podcast, I decided to look further into creating a genogram of my own. Maybe it will help me recognize some of the patterns and unhealthy traits in my family history. At the very least, it will give me lots of material to journal about.

What do you think about shadow work? Have you tried it? Have you made a genogram of your own? Or do you think we should stop looking for reasons behind our behaviors and simply learn to do better? I’d like to hear about it.  Comment below or join us on our Facebook chat group, MMC Chat.