Sugar Free Recipes for the Holidays

One thing I really enjoy about this time of the year is the baking. My mom and I spend quite some time together in the kitchen. Even my daughter Reyna enjoys partaking in this holiday tradition. There is usually a great deal of laughter, a little swearing, at least one bickering session over techniques, and a lot of bonding that goes on. Each year Mom and I sit down and pre-plan out what sweets and treats we will be making, and the cookies, candy and holiday bread start churning out of the kitchen shortly after thanksgiving is over. Most of the candy is shared with others, but that doesn't mean there isn’t a mountain of candies on the countertop at both of our homes. We make these sweet treats to enjoy and share but too much can be dangerous for our health. 

Cindy and Christen making Fruit Cake Cookies 

also known as Christmas Crack

You might not be aware, but my husband is diabetic as well as my mom. I am also working hard on maintaining my own healthy diet, as I am very close to being diabetic myself. I had weight loss surgery in 2018, and I need to keep a close watch on my carb and sugar intake. It is a real challenge when the winter months come around to stick to our diets because we all want warm fulfilling foods, and to top it off the sweet tooth really seems to come out too! In the past, Mom and I would just make lots of candies, and not be concerned with the amount of sugars we were consuming. As the years have gone on, and we are more self aware, we realized that some changes need to be made so that we can continue our baking traditions, but not kill ourselves and our family with all the excess sugars and carbs.

One thing I want to specify is that there is a wide spectrum of food, recipes and replacement sweeteners out there. You will want to watch things closely; just because something is sugar-free does not mean it is low in carbohydrates. I am not a health food expert or nutritionist by any means. Infact, I regularly depend on others' expertise to make sure that I am making healthy choices and selecting the right products. I have been learning some tricks though. It seems that this past year especially, Mom and I have been exploring various family recipes that we have enjoyed over the years, but with a twist. We will take one of the ingredients (like the sugar) and convert it to a sugar-free substitute, or exchange the flour for a lower-carb or no-carb option. We have even tried some keto recipes that were very similar to some of our all time favorites. 

There have been some successes and some major failures. My best advice I can give you at this time is to try it at home for casual dining first to ensure that it tastes good. Don’t volunteer to make someone’s birthday cake and then try to make a keto cake from an unfamiliar method without trying it first. Sometimes you will be blown away by the similarity, and other times gravely disappointed. For example, we made a keto dump cake while camping a couple of months ago, and it was a little disappointing. I was just glad that it was only our family eating it, and not something we had to take to a potluck!

The absolute best recipe conversion that we have done to date was an old favorite of mine since I was a kid called “Mexican Wedding Cookies”, also known as “Russian TeaCakes” and “Snowball Cookies”. I think I have seen them called “Danish Cookies” as well. Mom and I have made these cookies time and time again. They have a short ingredient list so the taste is very specific and consistent year over year. This is a simple recipe if you want to try something sugar free and are still on the fence about the taste of sugar free desserts. It's also a great way to bake and give someone the gift of a sugar free dessert, which would be totally awesome, because you can ask anyone who is restricted to sugar-free options and they will tell you that there is hardly ever anything sugar-free for dessert.

So bust out your apron, you will want it for this delicious sugar-free recipe below:

Be sure to listen in on the Podcast on Wednesday and we will be taking a deeper dive into sugar-free baking. If you would like a printable version of the recipe click here.

Holiday Tipping Guide

In Monday's post Cindy discussed the art of sending Christmas cards. Another holiday tradition along those lines that many people may not be aware of is tipping. Technically it is considered proper etiquette to send tips to those who you regularly conduct business with during the holiday season. If you are in the mood for a little extra giving or would like to give back to those who work hard to provide you services on a regular basis, then you are in the right place. Today, I would like to introduce you to three great ways that you can easily work tip giving into your regular holiday traditions, handmade gifts, purchased gifts and what I like to call, drop-ins. I will even discuss some ways that won't break the bank! 

Before I go over what you can expect a typical holiday tip to be I would like to list some examples of who you might consider giving one to. Here is a list of common service providers, but please keep in mind, this is not an all-inclusive list. I actually threw in some examples that are common in my life that may not be widely recognized.

• Lawn service
  
• Maid or housekeeper
  
• Babysitter
  
• Pet sitter or walker
  
• Pet groomer
  
• Mail carrier
  
• Mechanic
  
• Hairdresser
  
• Nail tech
  
• Masseuse
  
• Pest control tech
  
• Your regular pizza delivery guy
  
• Mass transit driver
  
• Newspaper delivery person
  
• Wait staff at your favorite restaurant
  
• The barista that gets your tricky order right all the time
  
• Healthcare provider
  
• Bartender
  
• Doorman
  
• Trash Valet
  
• Plumber
  
• Maintenance superintendent
  
• School crossing guard
  

Ok ok, so you don’t have to tip all off these guys, I just wanted to list off as many as possible! I encourage you to identify the ones that you come into contact with in your everyday life. Now that you have a list of who you want to give a tip to, let's talk about what is an acceptable gift amount and any restrictions you will need to consider. 

I always thought that it was acceptable to leave an envelope for my neighborhood’s postal worker, but did you know that they are prohibited from accepting any type of gift that is in the form of cash or could be exchanged for cash, like a check or gift card? So you will want to ensure that you leave a gift for your mail carrier that can be accepted without breaking the rules. I'll be going over some of those options here in a bit. 

You might also be wondering about dollar amounts for other service providers. How much should you give really? For your routine services where you are cared for by the same staff member that charges a fee for service, consider giving ½ to a full amount of the regular service rendered in a month's time span. For example if you regularly pay your lawn care giver $40 every 2 weeks consider giving them $20-$40 in cash tip. If they come to provide the service on a weekly basis then you will want to provide a tip that is equal to the cost of one regular service. Any service providers that do not charge a direct fee, like the doorman of your high-rise apartment complex or your trash valet, should be tipped $25 and up depending on the area where you live. 

So, if giving money is not an option or you have something else in your heart that you would like to give this season, that is also completely acceptable. Here is a fun list to get you started on what you might want to provide. Please keep in mind that some service providers, like postal workers, will need to be given a non monetary gift, like one of these below.

Handmade items:

Baked Bread

A dozen homemade cookies

Hand knitted or crocheted scarf or hat

Home made candles or soap

Purchased items:

Pre-made gift set (easy to find these at Walmart and other box stores)

Holiday florals such as poinsettias

Candles

DIY gift baskets

Christmas ornament

As for drop-ins, who doesn’t like a surprise every now and then? If you are in the area and know that your service provider is nearby, consider stopping by their place of work and bringing them a warm drink from the coffee shop or some of your home baked goodies! It really makes someone’s day when you go out of your way to show them your appreciation or that you were thinking of them. 

I hope that I was able to give you some information that gets you into the spirit of gift giving and inspires you. I really do enjoy giving out gifts, making cards, and spreading joy during the holiday season. If there is something that I left off as far as gift suggestions, please share in the comments. I would love to hear from you!

A Different Take on Holiday Cards

This week on our podcast we talked about Christmas cards. I just want to start off by saying that I am a bad card giver. I like the idea of Christmas cards and every year I make the quintessential Facebook post where I ask people to give me their addresses (even if I already have them) if they want a Christmas card.

After I collect these addresses (and they are usually from the same hopeful people that still believe in me), I go out and try to find the wittiest Christmas card that I can find. I feel like I can’t just send a regular card, I have to send a funny card. Last year, I bought Christmas Vacation cards with a smiling Chevy Chase on the front. Every year, I go through the motions of writing out my Christmas cards and packaging them. I address my Christmas cards and then I sometimes even go as far as putting a stamp on them. If it’s a lucky year, the cards even get mailed -- usually in January. However, until I moved earlier this year, I had a box of un-mailed Christmas cards spanning back for as long as seven years. We have already talked about how weird the last few years have been for me anyway. I figured the cards were past sending and when I moved to my new place, I tossed them.

This year, I asked again for addresses. However, I’ve decided to do something different for Christmas cards this year. I’m going to send my favorite holiday recipes to my small address fanbase instead of a generic message in a generic Christmas card. 

They say all of the great ideas are stolen and I decided to steal my idea from a post I saw floating around on Facebook. The post said, “for Christmas, I would love to receive Christmas cards. Will you write your favorite recipe inside of the card? Even if we hardly talk, message me for my address if you don’t have it. I would gladly send you one also if you’d like!” So, I shared the post along with this picture and I was flooded with addresses.

As the post became more well-known, I saw other friends sharing the message as well so I sent them my address and they sent me theirs. So far, I have twenty cards to fill out. I’m hoping for more and to get some recipes in return. I would also like to share my recipes with my readers as well. Christen and Cindy will also be participating in this recipe exchange. We have each picked our favorite recipes to share with our readers. Please send us your address by joining our mailing list using this secure form and we will each send you a recipe.

Homemade Christmas Cards: An Easy Craft for the Holidays

Hi there! It’s Cindy again, and after all the serious discussions about goal setting and grief, I thought it might be time for something light-hearted and fun. So this week on the podcast we’ll be talking about Christmas cards, and we set up a poll on the Modern Musings Facebook Group. We want to know whether you send cards or letters at Christmas, or is this a tradition you have long since abandoned? And for those of you who still send cards, or would like to start, I’ve put together a little post about some simple cards you can make yourself.

Making your own cards can be a fun way to spend a fall afternoon, and it doesn’t require a lot of experience or supplies. The two cards I have for you today are super easy and require very few supplies, so they are perfect for a beginner card maker. And, of course, an experienced card maker can dress them up any number of ways if they want something a bit more challenging. 

Tip: If you are a beginner, start small. Choose to make only one or two of each design and once you’ve done those you can decide whether to make more.

To get started, you will need:

• 2 card bases, any color (you can make two from one piece of 8.5”x11” cardstock)
• 1-3 pieces of Christmas themed patterned paper (1 piece for Card “A” and 3 different pieces for Card “B”)
• Coordinating green cardstock, approx. 2”x4”
• Brown cardstock or ribbon ¼” or ½” wide by 3½”
• Coordinating ribbon to match patterned paper
• Sequins, rhinestones, enamel dots, stickers, or tiny buttons 
• Star shaped sequins, rhinestones, enamel dots or stickers
• Scissors
• Adhesive or glue

Christmas Tree Card

This first card is a modified version of one I sent out to my friends and family 10-12 years ago, and it’s still one of my favorites.

To begin, fold your card base in half and burnish the folded edge with something hard like a bone folder or the back edge of your scissors. If you are using 8 ½” x 11” cardstock to make your card base, cut it in half to make two 8 ½” x 5 ½” pieces; this will be your two card bases. Fold the long edge to make a standard A2 card. Set one aside for the second card.

Cut one piece of patterned paper to 4” x 5¼”. If you like a wider card border, you can cut it to 3 ¾” x 5”. Adhere the patterned paper to the center of the card front with glue or adhesive tape runner, leaving an even border around the outside edge. Adhere the brown strip of cardstock to the center of the card about ½” from the bottom of the patterned paper.

Cut the green cardstock on the diagonal from one corner to make two triangles. Set one aside for a second card. Cut one triangle into four chunky blocks. Adhere these to the brown trunk starting with the largest block about ¾” from the bottom of the trunk, moving upwards with successively smaller pieces and leaving about ¼” or less between the blocks.

Tip: Lay the four blocks out to see what they look like and get the proper spacing, then glue each one down when you are satisfied with how they look

Decorate your tree with sequins, rhinestones, enamel dots, stickers, or tiny buttons as desired. 

That’s it! You did it! You made a Christmas card!

Packages Card

For the second card, you will take the second card base and burnish the folded edge just like you did on the first one. Using the three coordinating patterned papers, cut three rectangles measuring 1 ¾” x 3”, 1 ½” x 2”, 1 ½” x 1 ½”,

To stack the packages, place a line of glue or adhesive on the bottom edge of the smallest piece and lay the middle piece on top of it, overlapping by up to ¼”. Then place a line of glue or adhesive on the bottom edge of the middle piece and adhere the largest piece in the same way. 

Once your three pieces are stacked and your glue is dry, you can add the ribbon. Adhere one end of the ribbon to the back side of the patterned paper so that the ribbon is right side up when you fold it over the front of the packages. Wrap it around the packages and adhere the other end to the back of the packages. 

Adhere the packages to the card base. If you’re good at tying bows, you can add one to the top of the packages for a little extra flair.

Tip: This card works great as a birthday card, too! Just change up the patterned paper!

That’s it for the cards. I hope you enjoyed making them, and if you want to see more of my cards and projects, you can check out my Crafty Neighbor blog and Instagram pages. But if you like the look of homemade cards but don’t want to make them yourself, check out my Etsy shop! And don’t forget to tune in to our podcast starting Wednesday when we talk about this tradition.

Pro Tips for PowerSheets®

Hello, Christen here. This week I want to show you how I, and many others, take my PowerSheets® to the next level. I am super stoked about setting up the first section of the book, where I will dive into my thoughts and ask myself what is important to me and what I want to accomplish in 2022. The program itself is a fantastic tool, and it has really helped me propel forward with my dreams and aspirations.

Through trial and error, I have identified one key factor that makes it as successful as it is, which is daily use! When I use the PowerSheets® workbook daily, by checking in and reading my daily, weekly, and monthly action items as well as my overall goals, I tend to have far more success. In addition to checking in on your “Tending Lists”, as they are called, I recommend a couple of other tools to keep you organized. These methods will help you stay engaged in the workbook, and bring it into your everyday life.

Color Coding with Pens and Washi Tape
One of the things that I was most attracted to about PowerSheets® was that I had seen many others using their very own color coding system with markers, pens and stickers. This allowed them to use a separate color to compartmentalize their goals within different areas of their lives. In the PowerSheets® workbook there are some places where the designer, Lara Casey, has used corresponding colors and there are plenty of places where you can add your own splash of color. Lucky for me, I already had a color coding system in place with my MacBook. On iCal, I have certain calendars in their own color, for example work and home life, so I can easily see what areas of my life might be over-scheduled and I was able to carry that over to my workbook and continue the flow. Below you can see where I have used the color coding system to keep things organized in my calendar, and these are the same categories that I work through in my PowerSheets®.

Washi Works Wonders
If you want to give it a little pizazz or want to change the colors that are already established on some of the pages, you can go all out and make it your own. There are endless things you can do with color coordination.

My next tip… is a Brush Tip
I keep a separate bundle of markers just for my PowerSheets®. I absolutely love the Tombow brush tip markers. They are dual sided pens. you can write with them as well as use the brush tip to write in script or as a highlighter.. I love using these in my day planner. You are going to find that things on your tending list might need further planning out. Dedicating the time for the action items gives you that extra structure to make it to the end goal. When writing the action items into your day planner in their respective colors really does give you perspective and makes those items jump out at you, so you can’t miss them!

Have it out and take it with you!
One thing is for sure, you have to pick up your PowerSheets® Book and use it every day! In that regard, it is very much like a day planner. Daily use, lots of notes, and eye-catching color are several ways that make a day planner successful. PowerSheets® run on that same principle. If you don’t actively reach out, pick it up and affirm your daily, weekly and monthly objectives, it will not do you much good at all. If you struggle with utilizing the workbook every day like I did, you will notice that once the month comes to an end many of the tasks you had eagerly planned out were left forgotten or only half completed. Since the action items that are performed at those intervals can possibly slip your mind, it is extremely easy to lose focus on the main goal. My suggestion to champion this is to always have the workbook available to grab and use. Think about it as something that you need in order to get through your day. I keep my day planner open to the current week, so I don’t miss anything important. I need to check it everyday. I keep my power sheets workbook tucked right under my day planner. I always take it with me if there is a chance that I might be staying overnight somewhere so that I can continue tracking and building the habits that I established as part of the daily action items. In the past I have just used a cute book bag or laptop bag to carry my workbook with me, but this year I just couldn't resist the matching zipper bags that were available on the Cultivate What Matters website. The best part about the matching bags, is that I have one for my pens and stickers too, so I will always have them and can quickly grab them when I am on the go. You don’t have to have the bags, but they sure do make it cute!

Seeing is Believing
Posted on my wall, right above my desk is a piece of paper with my goals written out. Is it color matching? You betcha! There are 8 blocks, one for each goal, with the goal written on the block. I kept it as simple and plain to see as possible. I guess you could say that it is a vision board in its most rudimentary form. It took very little effort to make, and doesn't require deep thought or any symbolism or flipping through magazines to get my point across. I simply just wanted a fast reminder of the exact wording of my goals for 2021. Be on the lookout for a demo for a refreshed version for 2021!

If there is one thing that I wish for you to take away from all that I shared today, I hope it is to understand the importance of using the PowerSheets® on a daily basis. Just like a newly forming habit, the PowerSheets® workbook needs to be cultivated by repetition and a serious heart. I got my husband into using a daily planner two years back and we are still working on building that habit with him - it doesn’t come naturally for everyone. Don’t kick yourself if you have days when you forget to use your PowerSheets®, just open it back up, refocus and keep on going! I can guarantee that you will see some wonderful, positive changes in your life!

Finding the Fire

I am new to the subject of PowerSheets®. I recently received my first ever PowerSheets® goal planner for my birthday from Cindy. We can all agree that for most, 2020 was chaotic and I’m not proud to say that I didn’t come out of my quarantine a more well-rounded/creative person as most of my friends did. It was a very dark and revealing time for me. At the end of the year, Christen took me aside and introduced me to a creative outlet I could bring with me into 2021 which was the idea of creative goal setting.

PowerSheets® teaches you that to live your passion, it means to live for something worthwhile, knowing that it may cost you something. Living your passion is making bold decisions and enduring challenges, but experiencing the happiness that it brings you afterward.

When you are first setting up your PowerSheets®, it asks you “What makes you come alive?” When you use these worksheets, you really have to sit down and think. It takes goal setting to a new level. 

First, let’s break this down: what makes you come alive? When I see this, it makes me think, what gets me up out of my chair/bed and motivates me to live my day. What are my passions? PowerSheets® then asks you a series of questions to come up with the right answers. When answering these questions, keep your one word in mind. In a previous blog, I told you my one word is “inspire.”

PowerSheets® asks you if you’ve lost your passion. If you haven’t, that’s great! Make a list of your passions and motivations. If you have, begrudgingly admit it. I admit for several years I lost my passion for most things. I decided at the beginning of 2021 that I would get back to me and I DID.

Once you’ve answered that question, PowerSheets® asks you how you feel most days. Lately, aside from school, I feel tired, but I also feel like every day is a new day with new possibilities and new opportunities. Yes, I am overwhelmed and exhausted, but the day still brings possibilities. So back to that first question, what fires me up? What makes me excited?

• Education: I believe that everyone deserves an equally great education.
• Love: I love LOVE...definitely, a hopeless romantic.
• Family/friends: I couldn’t live without them.
• My cats: a huge motivation for me because they are my fur babies.
• The Boyfriend: as of this week, we are three months and going strong.
• My students: they motivate me every day in so many ways because I want to inspire them to be their best selves.
• Reading/Books: one of my favorite pastimes is reading.
• Makeup artistry: one of my new hobbies has been eye makeup artistry. I am still in the experimental stages.
• Writing/blogging: yes, this blog is motivating, as well as the poetry I actively write.
• Coffee: another one of my favorite things to do is try new coffee spots around the DFW area and post about them on my Instagram blog @Ms.Garvin.Writes.
• Cooking/baking: I am a huge fan of the show Top Chef and Food and Wine Magazine. I am always looking for new recipes to try. Years ago, when I was living with my mom and grandma, I would experiment with recipes. My grandma called it “gourmet” cooking because I cooked things that she didn’t normally eat like French Onion Soup from scratch.
• The Arts: without the arts, where would we be as a society?
• Trying new things: this is a broad category, but I am a life-experience junkie. I am always on the lookout for the next cool thing to try, whether it is a new restaurant or staying in a hotel treehouse (bucket list), I want to try it.
• Living a healthy lifestyle: this is a big one for me. Over the last three years, I have lost around 200 pounds and endless amounts of clothing sizes. I want to keep it off as well as maintain an active lifestyle.

Once you have your power list of motivations, you can begin your PowerSheets® journey. What are you passionate about? Let me know in the comments.

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Power Planning with PowerSheets®

Two weeks ago, we shared with you how we use a word of the year to enhance our lives. Rather than setting resolutions that will soon be broken, we choose a word to name our focus, and then incorporate it into everything we do. But having a power word is not enough. To manifest a better life, we can’t just think about what we want for the new year — we need to have a plan. This week, we are talking about building on that one little word by setting goals to cultivate our best life, particularly through the use of PowerSheets®.

I will admit, I’m pretty much a newbie to PowerSheets®. My friend, Brandi, tried to introduce them to me many times over the years, but I was reluctant to add yet another “hobby” or something more to keep up with, and I really didn’t understand the value of buying another “planner” or a bunch of worksheets. I felt like I already knew how to set goals and make task lists. But then our friend Susan introduced me to vlogger Cindy Guentert-Baldo (see links, below), and everything changed.

Cindy Guentert-Baldo can be found on YouTube.com. The videos I started with are 2021 Goal Setting – PowerSheets Prepwork and 2021 Goal Setting – My 2021 Goals.

Cindy has a YouTube channel where she shares her adventures in planning and goal setting — mistakes and all. But before you head off to watch her videos, let me warn you, CGB has a penchant for dropping the “F-bomb”, so if you are highly averse to cursing, Cindy is not for you. If you can get past that, or if you just don’t care, then you really should watch these videos I’ve linked below; Cindy has a great way of explaining the whole process while she walks you through her own work in her PowerSheets®. (And for the record, no, I’m not offended by cursing; I just warn you because I was caught completely off-guard by it in my first viewing.) She’s actually quite funny, and I enjoy watching her videos a lot.

I think I mentioned in our One Little Word® podcast that my word of the year for 2020 was “clarity”, and I started out (pre-COVID) with the intention of doing some deep soul-searching. I was at a crossroads, and I felt like I had no direction. But setting my sights on clarity and working on my OLW project just wasn’t enough. So many things changed, and the time I thought I would have to meditate and examine my navel just never came to be. By mid-January, I was already drowning in the responsibilities of caring for my mother who has dementia, and by March we were dealing with a world-wide pandemic that not only decimated my career as a travel agent and crafting event planner, but also wiped out my husband’s income as well. We were in a full-blown crisis. Needless to say, “clarity” did not do much for me that year except to make me realize that clarity isn’t something that just comes to you — it’s something you have to “Explore”.

Brandi bought my first PowerSheets® Intentional Goal Planner as a gift, and when I opened it, my first thought was, “Oh, geez, this is going to be a lot of work.” It took me a couple of weeks to get up the nerve to start working in it, but I took my time, watched CBG’s videos, and eventually got into the swing of it.  I think I caught up to the rest of the world in late January, and after that, I started happily setting and refreshing goals on a regular basis. The whole process has completely changed my outlook on goal setting, and has made a huge difference in my life.

PowerSheets® is unlike anything I’ve ever done before. Designed by Lara Casey, PowerSheets® takes you from the most basic brainstorming techniques right up through monthly, weekly, and daily action plans called “Tending Lists”. It’s all part of the “Cultivate What Matters” community that’s all about positive and powerful change in our lives and around the world. According to the website, the idea is to “uncover what truly matters and do something about it,” and “this powerful goal planner will help you set, plan, and track progress toward the goals that matter most—big or small, the things you’ve always wanted to do.”

I was hesitant at first, but as you can see, less than a year into this process, I am a full-blown proponent. I found the in-depth worksheets to be straightforward, practical, and convenient. The goals I’ve set using PowerSheets® have enabled me to start a family game night, plan several family campouts and outings, sell my mother’s house and get her settled into a long-term memory care facility, begin the process of rebuilding my travel business, pivot the focus of my crafting business into something much more enjoyable and sustainable, clean and reorganize my home, and focus more time and energy on my health, writing, crafts, and other forms of self-care. In short, it’s been pretty amazing. The whole system is so easy and effective! 

Whether you have one goal or many, big dreams or little plans, I heartily encourage you to take a look at PowerSheets®. You can see an unboxing video of my 2022 PowerSheets® workbook on my YouTube site. Now is a great time to get started for 2022, and you can go at your own pace. It’s a great way to manifest what you want in your life and really cultivate what matters most.

Cultivate What Matters® and PowerSheets® are the trademark of Lara Casey Media. You can learn more about both at CultivateWhatMatters.com

How We Grieve and Why It's Different for Everyone

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and earlier this week, Amber opened a discussion on grief during the holidays. In our podcast, I shared a few things my family did to lessen the sadness of missing a loved-one during important family holidays, while Christen talked about working through a holiday, and Amber shared her personal experience with holiday grief on the blog. Dealing with grief is such an important topic that I wanted to dig a little deeper -- I want to continue the conversation about how people grieve and how we can help each other through the tough times.

Let us start by talking about what grief is, and how we experience it. Many people think that grief and mourning are the same thing, but they are not. Mourning is the outward actions that we take when we have a loss; grief is the internal thoughts and feelings we experience. Likewise, people often mistakenly attribute Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s 5 Stages of Death and Dying to the stages of grief, but in fact, her research was about people dealing with their own deaths. According to psychologist and author Dr. J. William Worden, there really are no “stages” of grief because grief is not linear. His model is a set of “tasks” that a grieving person works through to find the way back to some level of function and normalcy. These tasks can occur in any order, or even concurrently. Sometimes, in the process of grieving, a person will go back to one or more tasks repeatedly. The tasks are:

The most important factor in this process is time, and there is no specific timeline for grief. Every person’s response to it is different and quite subjective. But the idea is to work our way back to a level of function as we move forward. Charles Jacob, a psychologist and teacher at Sacred Heart University, says, “Eventually, we just start trending back to normal.” He says that the real key is to get through the pain and then to derive meaning from all of it that “doesn’t leave us feeling completely hopeless.”

One of the best things, besides time, to help with grief is to share it. Experts agree that talking with friends and family, and telling stories about our loved ones is beneficial. It can even be helpful to talk to strangers, thus the growth of online grief support groups and the trend of pop-up “grief cafes,” where participants join a group of strangers over coffee, cake, and, of course, lots of talk about death.

WebMD’s “19 tips for coping with holiday stress and depression” includes tips like:

• Make realistic expectations for the holiday season.
• If you are lonely, try volunteering some time to help others.
• Limit your drinking, since excessive drinking will only increase your feelings of depression.
• Try something new. Celebrate the holidays in a new way.
• Spend time with supportive and caring people or contact a long-lost friend or relative and spread some holiday cheer.

One group that has an especially difficult time with death and grieving is children. Kids of different ages deal with grief differently, and it is often done in spurts because their brains simply cannot tolerate more. Moreover, children will continue to grieve in different ways as they age and mature, continuing into their 20’s when their brains are fully developed. Mila Ruiz Tecala, LICSW, Center of Loss and Grief in Washington, D. C., tells us that when “children are not helped to grieve at every stage of their development, they experience cumulative losses.” Unresolved grief has been shown to create a higher risk of depression, unemployment, smoking, over-eating, lack of appetite, and risky behavior, and has links to immune disorders, hypertension, cardiac events, and cancer.

No matter the age of the child, the experts agree that it is important to make sure they know that it is acceptable to show emotions and talk about the person who died, and that it is okay to be sad.

To help children during the holidays:

If you have more tips on dealing with grief, we’d love to hear about it. Please join us as we continue this conversation in the Facebook group.

Thanks for sharing!

For more information about grief cafes, please visit the following websites:

• https://deathcafe.com
• https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/need-know-info/from-us-to-you/pop-up-good-grief-cafes/
• https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org

Alone for the Holidays

Hi everyone, it’s Christen here. This week, we have been discussing grief and loss during the holidays. Most of the time, when we think of loss during the holidays, we are considering those times when we lost a loved one due to death, or a relationship ended near the holidays. While I was thinking about this topic, I remembered a time when I was alone during the holidays, but it was not because I had lost a loved one; it just so happened that my work schedule conflicted and I was not able to partake in the holiday fun. It is not as heartbreaking, for sure, but it can really leave you down in the dumps. 

Being the work-aholic that I am, I tend to find myself already booked up and committed to work things during the holidays. I keep my nose to my keyboard often, and am always looking for extra ways to make an extra buck. With that being said, sometimes during the holidays, I am working two jobs if one comes available. One year, I had this awesome opportunity to work for Boston Market, a homestyle rotisserie chicken restaurant popular in my area. They offer a special Thanksgiving meal that can be preordered, and picked up ahead of time, even on Thanksgiving Day itself. Knowing that I had restaurant experience and call center experience, a family friend of mine had offered me a temporary position to follow up with the previous years customers offering them the opportunity to place their orders again. I was excited to take up this job and did it for several years. 

One year though, my little brother, Steven, was in college at Texas A&M and was not going to be home for Thanksgiving. His college always played a football game on Thanksgiving Day, and it is a big deal for Aggie fans to participate in the game. He was in the Corps of Cadets and they marched the field during halftime. The Aggie parents of the students have a huge Thanksgiving day tailgating party, and my parents were not going to miss this opportunity to join in on the fun! My parents made plans to head down south -- a 3-hour drive to celebrate with the other Texas A&M fans. I was not able to take time off from my job the day before to head down there with my parents, which left me home alone for Thanksgiving. 

At first, I was a little disappointed that my parents would “abandon me” for Thanksgiving, seeing as I had never spent that holiday without them, but I quickly got over that, because, let’s get real, it’s not all about me. Missing out on Turkey Day with my folks did give me the chance to decide what I wanted to do, and that really made me feel like an adult (I was in my 20’s - so you know, adulting was a new concept). At first I felt rebellious, and decided that I was not going to celebrate thanksgiving because I did not “have to” for once in my life. Then I decided that I didn’t want the day to go to waste, so I offered to work that day too! I ended up working on my very first holiday. If you have ever had to pull through shift work on a holiday, you know what it is like. There is almost like an extra special team spirit about it. Yes, you all look each other in the eyes and know that you are going to make it through this day, and muster through it, so you can get home to be with your family.

I am grateful for the experience that I had with my work family, and I never take for granted the fact that there are those out there that do end up having to work on the holidays, and I was especially happy the next year to be with my family again. I think next time, I may find other fun things to do besides working if I can help it!