Fifteen years ago, I did something that I thought I would never do – I quit smoking. After 25+ years of a pack-a-day (or more), I stubbed out that last cigarette and never touched them again. I won’t say it was easy (I had a lot of help), and I’ve often wondered if the same principles and techniques could apply to other aspects of my life. Take, for instance, weight loss.
I’ve been struggling with my weight most of my adult life. Although I was skinny as a kid and teen, I was not healthy, and from an early age, I learned a lot of very unhealthy habits that haunt me to this day. For one, I always thought I was fat, a misconception that was set in motion by society, the media, friends, family, and even my band director. So I skipped meals, took a very inconsistent approach to exercise, and basically did everything you’re not supposed to do. Even so, I was still a relatively healthy weight when I married my husband, Mark, and I really hadn’t gained much by the time I gave birth to my youngest son at the age of 29. Yeah, I gained a few pounds here and there, which mostly started when I went to work at a 9-to-5 desk job at the corporate office of a supermarket chain (so much food everywhere!). I went from a scrawny, mal-nourished kid to a stressed-out wife and mother of two who just couldn’t stop eating. I ate because it was there (lack mentality), I ate because it tasted good (looking for some pleasure and variety in my life), and I ate because I was stressed, depressed, anxious, jealous, and every other negative emotion you could name (can I have some dopamine and endorphins, please?) Over time, I gained more and more. Age and all that emotional eating eventually took their toll, and I wound up gaining more than 100 pounds, developed diabetes, and was diagnosed with estrogen-positive cancer. As it turns out, estrogen is a byproduct of too much fat.
Now here I am, 5 years after my initial diagnosis, and I’m no closer to losing this weight than I was when I started. In fact, after a change in medications, I wound up gaining 30 pounds – negating all the progress I had made. To make matters worse, the extra pounds have added to my insulin resistance, raising my blood sugars, and causing all kinds of physical discomforts. Right now, my greatest fear is that the increase in heart palpitations (something I’ve experienced since childhood) and the general fatigue are an indication of something even worse (like heart disease) brought on by diabetes and obesity. What will it take to be healthy again?
And that brings me back to smoking cessation. I had tried to do it many times before that fateful day in 2007, but every time I tried, I failed…mostly because I didn’t really want to quit. Deep down inside, there was a part of me that didn’t want to quit; I was just going through the motions because someone else in my life convinced me I should. So, I would quit for a day, a week, a month, 3 months, and then I would just give in – relieved that I didn’t have to pretend anymore. I also think that a big part of that failure was that I didn’t really believe it was something I could do. I heard tale after tale of smokers who quit but still craved, sometimes 20 or more years later. That sounded pretty miserable to me. So I convinced myself that it was better to just keep smoking than to make my life miserable, craving something I could never have. It took me a long time to work up the nerve to quit smoking for real. Six months, in fact. I gave myself six months to keep smoking and swore to myself I would quit at the first of the year. And then I spent that time convincing myself that I really did want it. By the time I actually quit, I was desperate to do so. I talked to my doctor, got all the tools I needed to be successful, and I quit – no looking back and no excuses. Now I’m ready to apply those principles to losing weight (with a few modifications, of course), and I’m hoping this time will be the last time – the time that I actually succeed. So what did I learn from my journey to stop smoking?
Decide that you want it: You have to really, really, really want this for yourself. Not for your family, not because you should. You have to want it more than anything else. Take some time and figure out your why. Write a letter to yourself outlining why you want to do this – why you must do this. Get real about it. By the time I went to my doctor, I was crying because I was so desperate to quit. That’s the only way this will work. Convince yourself that you will do whatever it takes and then do it!
Get help: No one can tackle addiction alone. Enlist the help of your doctor; they will be one of your biggest advocates. There may be medications and other resources that will help. And don’t overlook the benefit of support groups – they help keep us accountable. With the help of my doctor, I was able to use a well-known medication to help curb my desire to smoke. The prescription came with daily email support that helped me figure out the how, when, where, and why of my habits, and an online support group helped me work through my cravings and restructure my life to avoid temptation. Noom and Weight Watchers are both good options for support. You and your doctor can decide if medical intervention is necessary.
Tracking is important: Not only is it important to track your weight to monitor your progress, but logging your meals (everything you put in your mouth!) can help you see patterns in your behaviors. But more than just logging the food you eat, use this to track your cravings, too. Record what you are doing, how you feel, and anything else that might help reveal a pattern in your cravings or behaviors. Part of my smoking cessation was to track every cigarette and craving for a week before I started my medication and for a week after. That was very enlightening! I realized that I had several activities that always lead to smoking a cigarette: rising first thing in the morning, after eating a meal, driving my car, and right before I went to bed every night. Knowing this helped me devise a plan to break the habits. Track your food cravings and see if there are some patterns…I bet there are!
Remove the association: Many of the things we do as we go through our daily lives trigger cravings. We’ve learned to associate food with certain activities. We’re a lot like Pavlov’s dogs in that way. Maybe we always eat popcorn when we watch a movie. Or Friday is donut day at the office. The best way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a better one. When I quit smoking, I quickly realized that getting in my car was a sure-fire trigger to want a cigarette. So to break the habit, I changed the habit. Instead of getting in the car and lighting up, I decided to get in the car and crank it up. Singing at the top of your lungs to your favorite song is a sure-fire way to kill that craving…at least for the length of the song. Keep doing that over and over again, and pretty soon you will have forgotten about the cigarette. To break the habit of smoking after a meal, I got up and immediately started washing dishes. By changing my actions at the end of dinner, I removed the temptation and eventually changed the association. To change your reactions to food triggers, you can make substitutions (water), change your environment (go for a walk), or do a different activity (read, sing, dance…). The possibilities are endless.
Change the negatives into positives: We all have little dialogs going on in our heads. We tell ourselves we “should” do this or we beat ourselves up when we make a mistake. When you think about why you want to lose weight, don’t tell yourself you “should” – convince yourself that you “want to” lose weight. Tell yourself, “I am choosing ______ because _________.” Right now, I’m telling myself “I am choosing not to go get a snack because I want to finish this blog.” If I can hold myself off long enough, if I can make it my choice, then I don’t feel deprived, and in all likelihood, that craving will go away before I get to the end of this paragraph. Remember (and remind yourself) that this is your choice. You are the one in control here. And if you do lose a little control now and then, just get back on track. No need to abuse yourself over it.
Find an accountability partner: Or partners. Join up with like-minded friends who won’t mince words when you need the truth, and can give you the little push you need to stay on track. Ideally, they can be a workout buddy, a source of healthy recipes, and even a shoulder to cry on when needed. Support groups are also great for accountability. Visit the group frequently (online groups work just as well as in-person) and share your results. Just remember to be honest, and don’t let anyone shame you. Share what works for you, learn what works for them, explore different options together, enjoy some laughs, and tackle some of those hard topics – it will be worth it.
Distance yourself from bad influences: Temptation is everywhere, and sometimes even our friends and family can be the cause of it. Learning new habits means that sometimes you just have to remove the possibility of making a bad choice. It also means sometimes you have to set boundaries. When I quit smoking, I made a conscious choice to avoid the other smokers in my life. I didn’t want to be around them because I didn’t want to be tempted by something I had decided was a bad choice for me. I didn’t go to places where people smoked and I didn’t hang around the people who did. That’s easy enough for an ex-smoker, but it’s not so easy for someone trying to lose weight. You can’t just avoid food. And while I haven’t known a single smoker who tried to convince me to smoke, I have had lots of people offer me food, even insisting that a little bit wouldn’t hurt. But the truth is, a little bit does hurt, and for someone to push food on you knowing that you’ve made a different choice is the worst kind of sabotage, and they aren’t really your friend. Set your boundaries. If they can’t stick to it, then just avoid them for a while. Get your reactions under control. Once you can do that, then you can confidently resist their temptations and you might even be able to have that little nibble of pie…but you probably won’t want to
Write a new script: You can’t always avoid temptations, but you can learn to react differently to it. I remember when I first quit smoking, I hated walking past people smoking in parking lots or near the entrance of stores. In the past, it always made me crave a smoke, but in that last go-round, I decided to try a little psychology instead. Every time I smelled cigarette smoke, I told myself it stank and I would make a gagging motion and hurry to get away from it. Over time, this reaction became a reality – I actually did think it was stinky, and I wanted no part of it. To this day, the smell of cigarettes makes me gag. Okay, so telling ourselves that food tastes gross is probably not going to work, because we all know how delicious it really is, but you can try a variation like, “That’s too salty”, “that’s too sweet”, or even “that is going to make me feel bad after I eat it.” Keep saying it every time you are tempted…you may actually start to believe it, but most importantly, you will have made the choice not to eat that tempting treat. If you keep doing that over and over and over again, you will have made a tremendous amount of progress. So just keep telling yourself whatever you need to tell yourself and believe it!
Watch out for social media: Friends and family aren’t the only food pushers out there. Food is everywhere. I can’t count the number of food temptations that slide across my Instagram and Pinterest feeds every day. Even if they are healthier options, too much of a good thing can go the wrong way. I never realized how many references there were to cigarettes until I quit smoking. Suddenly, I saw it everywhere: on tv, in movies, ads in magazines, pictures of friends on Facebook… If you can’t stay off social media altogether, unsubscribe, unlike, block, or mute temptations that show up in your feed. Ask that friend who’s always sending recipes and pictures of decadent desserts to please stop. Watch out for food in books, magazines, television, and movies, too. There’s a scene in the movie Julie and Julia that literally makes me want to lick the screen – it might not be a good movie to watch if you’re trying to go low carb.
Set S.M.A.R.T. goals: Although this isn’t really related to smoking, it is very relevant to weight loss. Setting yourself up to succeed is just as important as wanting to quit (or lose weight) in the first place. We talked about setting SMART goals in our first topic for 2022. Make both short- and long-term goals, and make sure they are Specific, Measurable, Actionable*, Realistic*, and Time-based.
Reward yourself: My husband quit smoking three years before I did, and when he made it to one year, he rewarded himself with a brand new iPod. It was a fairly new gadget at the time, and he felt like he earned it. I have to agree. My Noom program encourages setting up a reward system as well, with different kinds of rewards: healthy, tangible, self-care, and social. An example of a healthy reward might be splurging on dinner at a healthy restaurant, trying a new workout class, or even taking a nap. My husband’s iPod is a great example of a tangible reward. For me, a new outfit or a music download is the perfect reward for a short-term goal. Self-care is a reward many of us tend to forget about, but don’t pass up the opportunity to reward yourself with some self-care when you’ve earned it. I like getting a mani-pedi, but you could also opt for a massage, a quiet afternoon of reading at the library, or one of my favorites – crafting. The last category of rewards is social, and that could mean coffee with a friend, going to a movie, or even a special afternoon of fun with your children or grandchildren. Whatever you decide for your rewards, choose something for each category and then use them intermittently throughout your progress. But don’t allow yourself to get too cozy or come to expect those rewards on a regular basis because you don’t want to set up an unhealthy cycle of expectation.
Going back through the lessons I learned when I quit smoking has helped me become more aware of some of the negative patterns in my struggle with weight loss. I’m hoping these new insights will help me break the old habits and conquer this beast once and for all. I’m ready to step into my new life as a healthy, happy, and active grandma, wife, and mother. I'm ready to make that change. Want to join me? Join the conversation in our MMC Chat Group.
•Some sources use Achievable and Relevant
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