An Uncomfortable Topic

 When I think about the term “weight loss”, I don’t think about the physical transformation that a body goes through. I think of the mental anguish that I have been through in the past. I would not say that it has been traumatizing, but in a way, all of the time spent stressing or feeling bad about my failures with weight loss compiled together can be considered trauma. I don’t think that I suffer from any type of PTSD or anything like that, but I can say that the term, for me, holds a mental association with discomfort and pain.   

Losing weight seems to be the never ending journey that I have been on since I was in third grade. I remember getting my blood work done as a kid, they wanted to make sure I did not have diabetes, as Type 1 and 2 run in my family. I remember my grandmother and my mother being on a diet, and they encouraged me to diet as well. 

Among many of the fad diets and exercises I have tried, two stick out the most in my memory. I remember being on the Richard Simmons Deal-A-Meal diet. He had a system where foods had a color-coded card, and you had a wallet that held your daily food cards. As you consumed certain food, you would move the cards over to the other side of the wallet so that you could keep track of the foods that you ate. I have even been a member of Weight Watchers on multiple occasions. When I was younger and not an official member,  My grandma would photocopy all the reference materials and we would scour the menus of various restaurants together, looking for the meals with the best points.

At some point, I decided that I wanted to have weight loss surgery. I was tired of dieting and failing. I had seen people have great success after their surgery, and I wanted that. I felt that it was my last resort. I researched the different types of procedures, went for the consult, and decided that it was the right option for me. I went to a dietician for 6 months , but even the dietician struggled to find ways to help me lose weight. Once I fulfilled that requirement, along with a psych evaluation, I was approved for the vertical sleeve gastrectomy. 

My surgery was a great success…at first. I had lost about 25 lbs prior to my surgery, and then after surgery, my total loss was up to 90 lbs. I got very close to being under 200 lbs! Then COVID hit. I stopped going to the gym, and my daily steps decreased because I was only moving around in my tiny apartment. I gained some of my weight back, mostly from stress snacking. Since then, I’m back to trying to lose weight again and struggling. 

I guess you could say that it is a sore subject with me. I have tried just about everything from counseling, dieting, and even surgery, but still find it a major challenge in my day to day life. It is really something that I do not enjoy talking about. I find that I'm a lot happier when I am not worried about my weight or trying to lose it. 

I’m sure that many can relate to me. I would love to hear your struggles and successes. We can commiserate and celebrate together! Be sure to check us out on Facebook.