I have always felt like a bit of a perfectionist, so I wasn’t surprised when my Enneagram scores told me I am a Type 1 “Perfectionist” or “Reformer.” But when we recorded the podcast, Amber admitted that she didn’t think she was a perfectionist because she didn’t consider herself to be perfect. Like many people, I think she believes that perfectionists do things so diligently that what they do is perfect, and that’s not how I see it at all. So, what does being a perfectionist really mean?
According to the New Oxford American Dictionary and the Oxford American Writer’s Thesaurus on my computer:
perfectionist | pərˈfekSH(ə)nəst |
noun
a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection: he was a perfectionist who worked slowly.
adjective
refusing to accept any standard short of perfection.
synonym: purist, stickler for perfection, idealist, pedant, precisionist, formalist; archaic precisian.
Yep. That’s me. Purist. Idealist. I constantly struggle with the idea that I must do better and be better. I want the things I do, the projects I tackle, the art I try to create, and the stories I write to be perfect. Are they? Far from it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a high expectation of myself. That expectation can be paralyzing at times.
Have you ever heard of “White Page Syndrome?” It happens to writers, artists, and other creative types when they find themselves staring at a blank page, unable to start their creation. They may have an excellent idea for a new novel or a beautiful scene they want to paint, but they are frozen by the fear of starting off wrong – of putting a mark on the page that isn’t right. That’s me – often. My fear of not knowing where or how to start caused me to put off scrapbooking my family’s photos for years simply because I wanted it to be perfect. It took a friend inviting me to a crop party to give me the courage to just glue something on the paper. Once I finally did, there was no stopping me. Was that first scrapbook page perfect? Heck, no! I think I might have even taken it apart and created it all over again once I learned a bit more and developed my own “style.” But the point is that I actually started, and that can be very difficult for perfectionists. Some of us never manage to start.
Perfectionists also spend extraordinary amounts of time tinkering with things, trying to get them to be just right. Sometimes, I get started on a project, but I will just keep reworking it over and over until I just can’t face it anymore. Just this evening, Christen reminded me that I always get wrapped up in editing the project we were working on from start to finish, rewording this and moving that, but it keeps us from moving on to the rest of the project. You can only fix things so much. After a while, it’s no longer productive because you’ve passed the point of diminishing returns.
Perfectionists aren’t just picky about their own work. They tend to notice mistakes in others, too. I find myself correcting people’s grammar or showing them better ways to do things. I can’t just leave things be. Also known as “The Reformer,” Type 1 personalities are idealists. We tend to want to fix things. The reformer in me always thinks of better, more efficient, practical, or fair ways to do things. I want to make things better.
My mother used to tell me I could argue with a fence post. She’s not wrong. When I took a vocational aptitude test in high school, one of the career suggestions was attorney. I can defend a concept even when I know it’s wrong, and I love playing “devil’s advocate.” That’s classic Type 1 behavior. It can be a good thing if I’m determined to get my way, but it also often prolongs an argument unnecessarily, and winning at all costs is not in anyone’s best interest. It was hard, but I did eventually learn just to let someone else win once in a while. I don’t always have to be right.
Sometimes, that arguing can manifest as self-righteous anger. Perfectionists often anger easily and can be impulsive in their actions. Type 1 personalities like to keep a tight lid on their emotions and may fear the outcome if they lose control. We’re also quite impatient.
So, how does a perfectionist cope in a non-perfect world?
Just do it! Don’t let white page syndrome keep you from expressing yourself. Put a mark on that page. Write the first sentence that comes to mind, whether it’s the beginning, middle, or the end of the story – you can always come back and change it if you don’t like it, but you have to start somewhere. It doesn’t matter where – just start.
Let it go! Learn just to let that shit go! Seriously. Christen has talked about GETMO on several podcasts. If you don’t remember it, it stands for “good enough to move on.” Don’t get hung up on trying to make things perfect. Move on to the next step or another project. If you have time later, you can always come back to it, but for now, just keep going.
Let it be! Don’t point out other’s mistakes or ways they could do things differently unless it affects the outcome or puts someone or something in danger. Just because you wouldn’t do it that way doesn’t mean their way isn’t equally valid. Save your critiques for when it really matters and don’t micro-manage every situation.
Concede the point! Don’t insist on being right. Once in a while, just agree to disagree, or drop the discussion altogether. My late husband and I learned this about midway through our 35-year marriage. I used to stubbornly wait for him to apologize or to break the ice after an argument, but I eventually realized I could end it, too. I often did so by sticking my tongue out him or doing something else to make him laugh.
Relax a little! It’s not up to you to fix the world, and the world won’t devolve into chaos or disaster if you don’t finish everything on your ever-growing to-do list. Take some time for yourself to cool your jets. Use a journal to release all that pent-up frustration. Live in the now, and accept what is.
If you are a Type 1 Perfectionist-Reformer like me, I hope you can see both the good and the bad points of this personality type. While Type 1s are often wise, self-disciplined, and fair-minded, we can also be intollerant, obsessive, and paralyzed by our insecurities. Only through understanding our personalities can we truly see our behaviors and find the balance that will allow us to be our best selves.
Do you identify as a Perfectionist? I’d love to hear about it! And don’t forget to listen to our podcast this week about Enneagrams.
