If you read our Modern Musings blogs with any regularity, you’ve probably noticed that the frequency of posts has dropped dramatically over the past year. In fact, I checked the numbers and saw that there were only 57 posts for all of 2024, and I’d wager that almost all of them were “Heard it on the Podcast.” I would occasionally be inspired by one of the podcasts to write, but I just couldn’t get the motivation or make the time to post. I’ve felt guilty about it for a long time because it was a promise and commitment I made to this project when we first started, and I feel like my silence has been a bit selfish in more ways than I can explain. Not only have I broken a promise to my fellow co-hosts, but I have also denied our readers and listeners the gift of the wisdom I’ve gained from a lifetime of personal experiences in the world of motherhood, emotional maturity, growth, spirituality, relationships, goal-setting, grief, and so much more.
I’m “The Crone”. I really hate that word because it has such a negative connotation in our society. In the American English Dictionary on my computer, it means an “ugly old woman.” I don’t feel old. I just turned 60 this month, and I don’t even feel as old as that. A friend of mine told me that in Texas, anyone over the age of 55 is a “senior citizen” and is considered “elderly.” What? And while we like to say we respect our elders and honor their wisdom and advice, the truth is that our society is not pro-aging. We often discount and dismiss their advice as old-fashioned and we disrespect them for their appearance, habits, and physical limitations. So when we started Modern Musings, I did not want to be the Crone. I felt more like “The Mother”, even though my children were fully grown. But I did have a lot of wisdom I’d gained over the years, and I was happy to share it with others. So I became The Crone, in name if not in affirmation.
Then, last January, I became a Widow, and that made the label of “The Crone” feel all too real. Suddenly, I was no longer making plans and setting goals that would shape my marriage, career, and family – now, I was staring at what felt like a bleak future and the possibility of growing old alone. My previous goals didn’t make sense, and I lacked the emotional and mental wherewithal to explore new ones. All I could manage was to address my immediate needs and keep putting one foot in front of the other. The two major goals I had already settled on, establishing my spiritual studies and journaling about my youth, did not fit into that immediacy. Neither did writing for the blog. I could manage to keep up with “Heard it on the Podcast” if I did several of them in one day (usually after the fact), and I managed to get the podcasts posted every week, even if a couple of them published a few minutes after midnight. I spent the rest of my time working diligently over my finances and dealing with the remnants of my husband’s and my mother’s estates. My goals became 1) get my bookkeeping and taxes caught up and filed on time, 2) clean out my garage, and 3) demolish and replace three storage sheds in my back yard. I accomplished two of the three.
Why am I boring you with tales of my old-lady goals? Because I am a firm believer in fresh starts. I love this quote I have adopted from the character “Tracy Quartermaine” on General Hospital, “The rest of your life can begin at any time, and you get to decide when that is.” We can begin again at any time. It is so true. When I divorced my first husband in my early 20s and became a single mom, I felt like my life had ended. I didn’t think I would ever find love again. I didn’t know how I was going to survive, let alone support my young daughter. But I did. I found love again. We were married for 35 years and had a wonderful life together. But that doesn’t have to be the end. My life can start over again here and now. According to statistics, I’ve got the opportunity to live beyond 80 – that means a potential for 25 or more years, and I want to fill those years with as much love, laughter, and life as I can.
So, in this season of resolutions, goal setting, and beginning anew, I am proposing to everyone (myself included) that we spend some time in deep reflection on what our life has been and what we would choose to have it be. Choose to look forward, not back, and set new goals that align with what you really want. And don’t be afraid to toss out any goals, thoughts, plans, or old ideas that aren’t serving you anymore. Let them go. Begin again. Even a crone can create a new life.
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